Friday, September 03, 2010
Guess the Plot
The Last Prince of Latvia
1. When zombies overrun the palace, prince Eduard escapes on foot, shielding his younger sister, princess Aija. But to become king, the law says he needs the actual royal crown, the one they left behind on the dead--now a zombie--King's head.
2. Belissa's been in love with the prince of Latvia all her life. No other man could ever catch her eye. Problem is, he's been deposed. She signs on to a revolution that could put him back on the throne, but then the bastard breaks off their engagement! Suddenly that enemy soldier looks pretty handsome.
3. Max Tannenbaum will never become a Sigma Phi unless he can show the other guys that he can get a little action. So he dubs himself the last Prince of Latvia and hits the town with his entourage. When he falls for the Princess of Estonia, he never imagines that she has her own secret.
4. In order to fulfill his destiny as a future king, Prince Ooglesach must complete Latvia's traditional rite into manhood: a death-defying obstacle course complete with ogres, demons, and a trampoline. Informed that an attempt to seize the throne is underway, the Prince must complete the course in record time. But can he keep his dignity while bouncing on a trampoline?
5. Hopelessly outnumbered by German Crusaders, Prince Wolmar hides his people in the secret vaults below the castle. The 'wine' with which he comforts them is the result of his alchemy experiments . . . and their last hope. They wake in 2020 to a very different world and a 21st-century hangover...
6. Thanks to the miracles of modern science, the last prince of Latvia has been returned from the dead, and he is out to reclaim his family's ancestral holdings. Too bad the modern science didn't work quite as well as he'd hoped. Can he reclaim his land despite the fact that his body is falling apart?
Dear Evil Editor,
There has only ever been one certainty in Bellissa’s life: That she loves the Prince of Latvia. [Can't you just say she has loved him for as long as she can remember? Of course there've been other certainties in her life. It's certain that she is Latvian. Thus it's also certain that she hates all Russians with a passion. And she's not too crazy about Lithuanians, Estonians, Germans and Swedes.] Which is why she agrees enthusiastically to join a revolution that will restore her brooding childhood sweetheart, the now-deposed Prince, to his throne.
She doesn’t plan on him unexpectedly ending their engagement and breaking her heart before the fight’s begun. [He's lucky she didn't succumb to that legendary Latvian temper and throw her latte in his face.]
Hopeless and lonely, Bellissa parts from him, wishing for nothing more than to leave his memory behind her, but quickly finds herself already too tangled in his budding revolution to run far. When his enemies seek her out as a target, [When you've taken control of an entire country, you ought to have better things to do than plot against the ex-prince's ex-girlfriend. You should be cleansing the country of all your non-supporters through systematic mass murders. (I know that sounds harsh, but it's the way things have always been done.)] she is forced to remain in the Prince’s camp for her own protection, harboring a secret surety [hope] that she will soon be able to win back his affection and restore their love. But when a handsome, boyish enemy soldier is captured in their camp, Bellissa is troubled by feelings arising for a man that is not her Prince, and she begins to doubt her certainty [belief] that there is only [one] person in the world that she could ever love. [She is, however, positive there are no more than two.] [Until the Dominos guy shows up.] When The Prince’s revolution begins sooner than anticipated, Bellissa finds herself caught between two sides of a fight that could change the fate of her nation, [No need to say "sooner than anticipated"; she's caught between two sides no matter when it starts. Also, I assumed it already began, as she joined it in sentence 2 of the query.] and forced to choose between two different men that she loves.
Set in nineteenth century Europe, [If it's all set in Latvia, no need to identify the continent. We know what continent all European nations are on, with the exceptions of Moldova and Belarus.] The Last Prince of Latvia is a romance and adventure novel of 83,000 words that examines the ideas of true love, relationships, and the concept of “the one.” [These themes came through clearly enough in the plot; no need to spell them out for us.]
Thank you so much for your consideration.
Why is Bellissa forced to choose? Can't she just wait, see how the revolution plays out, and hook up with whoever's on the winning side? Is she being pressured by both sides to perform revolution helping/hindering tasks?
How does she have enough contact with the prisoner to fall in love with him?
That long paragraph is intimidating. By which I mean, when an editor comes to a long paragraph, he usually thinks, Am I so impressed by this query so far that I'm willing to trudge through this immense tar pit of text? No, I'm not. Either divide it into two paragraphs, or remove all my blue words.
If this is a historical novel, that is, set during an actual revolution in Latvia that attempted to restore a deposed prince to the throne, that's a selling point worth mentioning.