Face-Lift 747

Guess the Plot

Unearthly Beginnings

1. Librarian Jeannie Flaherty knows there's something wrong when every new acquisition that comes into her library involves fog, spectral dogs, alien abductions, and Sasquatch. Could it be a sign that the zombie apocalypse really is happening? Also, undead hamsters.

2. Born into a superhuman race from the planet Iridium, Hugh Halogen really just wants to emigrate to Earth and start a career as a printer-fax salesman. But when he beats every sales quota on record, rival Morris Molybdenum threatens to expose Hugh’s origins unless he slacks off. Will Hugh triumph in his quest for mediocrity, or return to his . . . unearthly beginnings?

3. Molly Walker is the head writer for the Education Channel's hit alien hunting show "Unearthly Beginnings". Handsome Gary Brockman is the series' narrator, bringing Molly's words to life. He doesn't even acknowledge her existence. Maybe having the Zericolans abduct him will finally get him to notice her.

4. While excavating a Mayan temple, archeologist Saul Pannelli finds a chamber with circuitry embedded in its walls. When they hook the circuits to a generator, a beam of light shoots into space. Panic ensues.

5. Loner Charlie gets assaulted by a bully, and wakes up as prisoner of an evil unearthly monster. He escapes, but the evil is inside him, and Charlie must decide if it's worth unleashing the evil to kill the bully, even if it means the annihilation of the human race. He decides it is.

6. Medicinal pot-grower Marv Sweets didn't know what he was getting into when he tried to market hydroponic-grown weed under the brand name 'Unearthly Beginnings'. The Feds he can handle, but the organic foods fanatics can smell the chemical fertilizers he uses from miles away. When his greenhouses are wrecked by Birkenstock-clad vandals, Marv knows he's in a fight to the finish with foes who will stop at nothing to prevent scientifically grown pot.


Original Version

Dear Evil Editor,

Unearthly Beginnings:

When sixteen year old Charlie Wilkins falls into the hands of a deranged scientist, he leaves the encounter alive, but loses the life he knew forever. Charlie finds himself in the middle of a bittersweet nightmare as the transformations within him destroy everything he once hated and loved. [We don't really need this paragraph, as it's all covered in the next paragraph. You could keep the first sentence, adding, " . . . in my YA dark fantasy, Unearthly Beginnings," and just dump the second sentence which is too vague to interest us.]

Alone except for his mother, kindly old Mr. McFarland, and his paranormal artwork, [As "alone" means alone, the more exceptions you list the more we wonder why you used the word to begin with. I could say I was alone except for my family, the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, the cast of Troy and the fans at a U2 concert in Wembley Stadium, but you wouldn't shed any tears for my life of solitude.] [Also, I wouldn't include artwork on a list of exceptions to his alone-ness. If he's alone except for his artwork, he's alone. A bonus advantage of leaving the artwork off the list is that you can put "and" after mother, so it won't sound like kindly old Mr McFarland is the mother.] [Also, why are we mentioning mother and kindly old Mr. McFarland up front, when they play no role in the rest of the query?] Charlie wants nothing more than to slip under the radar going unobtrusively from day to day. [No need to say both "slip under the radar" and "going unobtrusively from day to day," as they mean the same thing.] But, when he's captivated by the unattainable beauty, Amy Gold--girlfriend of the star quarterback--and his most relentless antagonist, Tom Sterling, [This makes it sound like Tom Sterling and the quarterback are two different people. And that Tom is the quarterback's relentless antagonist.] Charlie pours his emotions and passions into the creation of his own comic book with Amy in the starring role, and Tom as a grotesque snake-like predator. When it is discovered by Tom and his peers, Charlie is pursued and brutally assaulted. [You don't see The Joker and Lex Luthor assaulting the authors of Batman and Superman comics. I thought there was no such thing as bad publicity.] [Evil Editor comic books! Why have I never thought of that?] Left to his own fate, [You don't need that phrase, whatever it means. And start a new paragraph here.] Charlie awakens in a place of indescribable horror, and is forced to become the first human test subject of a monster. Although unaware of it, Charlie is face to face with a creature not quite human, [A monster.] who's [whose] race has been persecuted to near extinction and his [whose] use of Charlie will mark the start of his specie’s [species'] rebirth. Having escaped the inhuman man and his lab, [When did that happen? How long was he a test subject, three minutes?] Charlie attempts to resume his life--but finds that his life is no longer his own. A beast has taken residence within him, and he must fight for control of his body and mind. When his new abilities [What are his new abilities?] allow him to destroy everyone who'd ever hurt him, [i.e.Tom Sterling.] however, he gives himself over to the conversions. Summoning the last bit of will in him, Charlie seeks to end the evil that was unleashed but it might already be too late to save our race from a monster's Unearthly beginnings. [Once Charlie unleashes it, the evil beast is powerful enough to destroy the human race, yet this puny kid was able to hold it back?]

This dark fantasy novel for young adults, complete at 62,500 words, is available for review upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,


Notes

Is there a connection between the comic book and the monster? Like, did those who assaulted Charlie give him to the monster?

Calling the deranged scientist a monster and a creature may give the wrong idea. Does he look like a human?

Turn that long paragraph into three.

The monster (or his creation) has the power to destroy the human race, yet his own race has been persecuted to near extinction? By whom?