Monday, March 15, 2010
Guess the Plot
Beast of Burden
1. I work for Burden and Son Refrigeration Ltd., moving coolers all day. The "and Son" is almost funny. The son moves his coffee cup around his desk all day as he instructs us, the beasts, on what needs to go where. He is eighteen, I am nearly thirty. He dines on pickled eggs all day and blames his dog for his own farts.
2. Kat's new boyfriend carries a terrible burden: he's a werewolf. Kat has her own burden: a phobia of dogs. Their families hate each other. It's like Romeo and Juliet, only with werewolves.
3. Loki escaped Ragnarok through a technicality. When the Beast of Revelations shows up on his doorstep, he's determined to prevent the apocalypse by addicting the Beast to freedom.
4. Eddie Pringle, convicted of petty theft, faces a choice: six months in juvenile detention, or being a roadie for the next Rolling Stones tour. Hilarity ensues.
5. Morris's camel, Al, is his only companion as he faces off against marauding hordes, killer insects, desert heat and an irate ex-wife. As water runs low and supplies dwindle, will Morris have to eat his faithful friend, Al, his trusted . . . Beast of Burden?
6. A blind man receives a guide dog as a gift from one of his two sons. This leads to jealousy and fighting between the brothers, but when the dog leads his master into one precarious situation after another, the jealous son begins to question what the dog was really trained for.
Dear Glorious, Omniscient Agent or Editor,
Ever since Kat Baset slapped popular jock, Malcolm Kennett, for grabbing her butt at a seventh grade dance she has been cast out and ridiculed as a loser. [Seventh grade is what, twelve years old? That seems a bit young for a school to have jocks. What sport do they play? Tag? Hide and seek?] Subject to name calling and various pranks from the “it crowd,” Kat just wants to scratch through her last year of high school and get the hell out of Dodge- otherwise known as Alpine Ridge, Colorado.
First day senior year: total disaster. Malcolm tosses Kat’s book bag into the boy’s [boys'] locker room just minutes before her first class starts. With a burst of courage and her nose plugged, Kat storms in the midst of sweaty socks and half-dressed jocks. She is taunted and teased by the usual suspects, but one boy comes to her rescue. Her hero is new kid in town, Remi Gere, the same sweet hunk with whom Kat happened to share the best day of summer vacation. The unexpected rematch ["Rematch" doesn't mean that. "Reconnection" might, but you don't really need a "re" word. "Appearance" or "arrival" would do.] with Remi catapults the two teens into a friendship and proves to be the needed distraction from Kat’s personal hell in the hallways of Alpine Ridge High.
While their relationship buds, Kat learns her new love interest bears a supernatural secret. Remi Gere is a werewolf. [How does she learn this? Surely she would never believe anyone who told her.] [When you're describing a book you've written, it's usually a mistake to wait until paragraph three to mention that one of your main characters is a werewolf. Suddenly it's a completely different book. In one book Remi beats Malcolm up after school, and in the other he rips Malcolm's throat out.] Head over heels for him, Kat wonders if she will be able to handle the heat and overcome her greatest fears- falling in love and her phobia of dogs. [I'm guessing she's afraid of dogs, not of her phobia of dogs?] [When you find out your boyfriend's a werewolf, is your first concern really going to be whether you can get over your fear of dogs?]
Knowing the burden of harboring such a secret, Kat opens up to Remi and shares a little mystic of her own. [I would say she shares a secret of her own, not a little mystic.] The amulet around Kat’s neck contains the powers of her personal beast, a mountain lion- the very thing Remi and his family of wolves hates. [In case anyone's interested, my personal beast is the proboscis monkey.]
[Needless to say, I'm highly annoyed that there are no were-proboscis monkey books or movies.]
As if being a teenager wasn’t difficult enough.
Toss out the iambic pentameter, poison and dagger and throw in the daily tortures of teenage humiliation and some Weres, BEAST OF BURDEN is a 64,000 word YA paranormal, akin to Romeo and Juliet. [Every book is akin to Romeo and Juliet if you're allowed to toss out a few things and throw in a few others.] [For instance, toss out the star-crossed lovers and the feuding families, and throw in a cannibalistic serial killer and a green female FBI agent, and The Silence of the Lambs is a thriller akin to Romeo and Juliet.] [Just for laughs, minions may submit their own "akin to R & J" examples as comments. One per customer, please.] It explores the journey of young love pitted against the adversity of prejudice [Prejudice against werewolves? This is the third book we've done in about a year that dealt with werewolf prejudice, the others being Hybreed Rising and Wolves and Walls. How come we don't have any books dealing with weredingo prejudice?] and long-harbored fears.
This is my first novel. I thank you for your time and consideration.
Can Kat turn into a mountain lion? If so, say so. If not, what does the amulet do for her?
It's the first day of school and the first class hasn't yet started, yet the locker room is full of sweaty half-dressed boys? Even if this school has athletic practices before school on the first day of school, the boys should be dressed and gone if their first classes start in a few minutes.