Face-Lift 411

Guess the Plot

One Highland Night

1. How many Highland Nights does it take to stuff a Scottish kilt? After an unfortunate wager and six pints of Skullsplitter Ale, Gregor Gilroy is about to find out.

2. Brianna is excited to be spending her vacation at a real haunted castle. But when the ghost of Duncan MacNeil appears in her bedroom, will she be ready to meet all his demands?

3. A spunky lass who couldn't keep her knickers on. A laddie with an eye for the ladies. A secret meeting, a warm night in the Highlands--what were the chances it would lead to . . . alien abduction?

4. Traveling in the Highlands, a physicist is suddenly transported 300 years into the past, and must try to prevent the notorious Earl of Breadalbane from committing the infamous Glencoe Massacre.

5. A prim English maiden, lost in the wilds of Scotland. A handsome Scotsman, who's also a vampire and can't come out in the day. Can they find true love . . . One Highland Night?

6. Due to Planet Askew's eccentric orbit, night usually falls only in the lowlands, while the highlands bask in perpetual sunshine. But once every 30,000 years, there comes . . . One Highland Night. Will Ja'na come out of hibernation to propose to Sti'su?


Original Version

Dear Evil Editor,

ONE HIGHLAND NIGHT is a time-travel romance in the vein of Outlander by Diana Gabaldon and the Highlander series by Karen Marie Moning, among others. [No, I think the Highlander series by Ms. Moning is only by Ms. Moning.] [Also while those series involve time travel and romance, I don't believe they're so similar that a book could be in the same vein with both of them.] [Also, it's not so important to tell us whose books you think yours is like. It's a time travel romance is sufficient.] Complete at 100,000 words, it is set primarily in the Loch Awe [That sounds like the noise I make when I hack up a phlegmball.] area of the Scottish Highlands, 1691-92, and includes the historical backdrop of the infamous Glencoe Massacre.

Physicist Elizabeth Martin travels to the Highlands of Scotland in an attempt to flee the heartache of a broken engagement. Her cheating ex becomes the least of her worries when she ends up trapped over 300 years in the past, [Can you furnish a clue to how she ends up 300 years in the past? (You didn't think you were going to just slip that past us, did you?)] pursued by the politically avaricious Earl of Breadalbane who wants to use her "Sight" to further his consolidation of power. Her only choice is to take refuge with an outlaw clan. [I'd divide this long paragraph into two, right here.] Despite her desire to discover a way back to her own time, she finds herself falling for handsome Alec MacGregor: protector, son of the laird, and the only person who knows her true origins. [How did that conversation go?

Liz: Alec, there's something I need to tell you.

Alec: What's that my darling?

Liz: I'm from a strange world where there are flying machines, where there's a tunnel under the English Channel, where popcorn can be made in a bag, where--

Alec: Hey lads, stoke up the fire, we've got us a witch!]

Together they try to prevent the treacherous massacre at Glencoe—Breadalbane's doing— [Doesn't Liz know that changing history could lead to disastrous future consequences, like Evil Editor's blog not even existing?] but Alec is captured and sentenced to death. She spends one night in his arms on the eve of his execution, [What is this, a conjugal visit? Awfully generous of Breadalbane. (I assume she didn't time travel into his cell, as earlier she was hoping to discover a way back to her own time, which led me to deduce that she didn't have time traveling abilities.)] then secretly surrenders herself to the Earl in exchange for Alec's release. When he learns of her sacrifice and subsequent death at the Earl's hands, [Why would the Earl kill her? I thought he wanted to use her "Sight."] Alec's only choice is to attempt time-travel himself to be reunited with the woman he loves.

ONE HIGHLAND NIGHT is my first novel. I am a member of RWA national, as well as my local chapter and the Celtic Hearts chapter.

The synopsis, partial, or full manuscript are available at your request; I have included the first five pages for your review. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,


Notes

It's one thing for a 21st-century physicist to attempt time travel. I'm not sure I'm buying a 1692 Scotsman from an outlaw clan figuring out how to do it.

We need to know how one time travels. If Liz could do it at will, she'd time travel out of the Earl's clutches as soon as he released Alec. In Highlander, time travel is a power of the characters; in Outlander, it's accomplished by walking between certain stones. Do your characters have any idea how it's done?

Speaking of which, when Liz offers herself to the Earl in exchange for Alec, what's to keep the Earl from keeping both of them?

Elizabeth should refer to the Earl as Beetlebrain for comic relief.

I hope Alec's plan isn't to time travel to a day in the 21st century before Liz went back in time, because a guy showing up and claiming he's your lover from the 17th century isn't going to go over too well. We have special places for guys like that.

The writing isn't the problem, it's that the plot is eliciting questions that aren't answered. Answer some of them. If something's too complicated to explain, omit the material that's inspiring the question.

Face-Lift 343

Guess the Plot

Wherever You Are

1. A simple game of hide-and-seek turns deadly, and it's every player for himself. When a trail of blood leads to a playmate's hiding place, the kids realize that this isn't a game any more. Come out, come out . . .

2. Octopus McGee searches paintings in the Louvre for clues that will help him unravel the hidden meaning of the last message from Mae Wong: Wherever you are, there goes an idiot. What can it mean?

3. The literary agent left and took her yappy poodle with her, but Minnie refuses to let go. She's headed for New York, to wander Eighth Avenue and West 35th. She'll find you, Miss Snark . . . Wherever You Are.

4. The elusive Mrs. Calabash, after a lifetime spent avoiding the limelight, finally turns up running a diner in Scranton.

5. Actress Laura James begins to fear for her safety when she receives a series of notes that say, "I will find you, wherever you are." Refusing to be alone, she hires two bodyguards . . . both of whom fall in love with her.

6. Pirates of the Caribbean meets Somewhere in Time, as Juliana, who's been searching for her boyfriend Zach ever since he vanished fifteen years earlier, time-travels back to the 18th century . . . and onto the burning pirate ship Zach is now captaining.



Original Version

Dear Agent,

When his love from another century reenters Morgan's life, the ex-slave and ex-pirate must learn to overcome his past, and fight a deadly enemy, to have a second chance at love.

Wherever You Are is a 100,000 word time-travel romance that encapsulates all the swash-buckling adventure people have come to love in the popular Pirates of the Caribbean movies, with the added benefit of a deeply emotional love story between two people scarred and hardened by life's choices. [I'm guessing "encapsulates" isn't the word you were looking for. I'd lose "benefit" as well.]

When Juliana MacKenzie’s boyfriend disappeared, the police ruled him a runaway. Never convinced Zach would willingly leave her, part of Juliana waits for his return [while the other part of Juliana has a torrid affair with Zach's hunky younger brother, Ziggy]. But fifteen years later she realizes she has to put some closure on that part of her life in order to move on. [Fifteen years?! Waiting for a boyfriend? If he's been gone fifteen days, you can close the book on this guy.] When she visits Zach’s childhood home, she mysteriously travels through time and finds herself on a burning ship in the eighteenth century.

[Juliana's thought processes, as she awaited Zach's return:

After two days: Where could he be? Zach would never leave me. He must be lying in the bottom of a gorge in his wrecked car. I'll never forgive myself for sending him out to get my tampons.

After two weeks: Maybe he's been kidnapped. And sold into slavery. He'll escape and come back to me. True love conquers all.

After two months: That bastard. He left me for another woman, I just know it. Probably that Marjorie bitch. Or he's dead.

After four months: He fucking well better be dead after what he's put me through.

After ten years: I suppose I should start dating again. But what if Zach's lying in a coma in some third-world hospital? He'd never forgive me. I'll give him another five years, but not a day longer.

After fifteen years: Okay, Zach's probably dead. But there's one other slim possibility: there may be a time portal in the house he grew up in. If there is, and I go through it, maybe he'll still be waiting at the exact spot the time portal goes to, even though fifteen years have passed since he got to that spot.]

When Morgan discovers the stowaway aboard his burning ship, he believes she was sent by his enemy. [Why would his enemy send Juliana to stow away on the ship? Wouldn't he send a man, so the stowaway wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb? And if he did send a woman, wouldn't he send one dressed in 18th-century clothes instead of 21st-century clothes? Does Morgan think his enemy is an idiot? Why are we calling this person "his enemy"? Who is it?] Soon he will realize that Juliana is the woman he left in the twenty-first century. When his enemy captures Juliana, Morgan must confront his past in order fight for the greatest prize of all. [He has to rescue her. Simple as that. Why does he have to confront his past?]

Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.


Notes

You claim Morgan left Juliana in the 21st century. So when Juliana goes to Zach's childhood home fifteen years later, it's actually the future, sometime in the 2016-2022 period, right? Just checking.

Who owns Zach's childhood home? What does Juliana say when she shows up at the door? "Hi, my boyfriend left me fifteen years ago, and he lived here thirty years ago, when he was a kid, so would you mind if I looked around the place in order to help me forget about him?"

Why haven't the people who now live in Zach's childhood home mysteriously traveled to the 18th century?

You call him an ex-pirate. His name's Morgan, he's on a ship, and you compared the book to Pirates of the Caribbean. If he isn't a pirate, tell us what he is.

Why doesn't Morgan recognize Juliana? Sure, she's fifteen years older, but if she just says, "It's me, Juliana . . . from the 21st century," the light bulb should go on immediately.