Face-Lift 1457

Guess the Plot

Shame of Kings

1. Shame (that's Sha-me, two syllables) leaves his hometown to become a body double to royalty. After 6 assassination attempts, he decides he'd be safer killing the royal he's doubling for, taking his place, and hiring a body double.

2. Shame! Shame upon your name! Shame upon your family! Shame upon your country! And most of all shame upon your king who let one such as you live. These words echo across the world before it all ends. The book, I mean, not the world.

3. While His Majesty writes (average) poetry, rides horses (badly), and dallies in the harem with the women, the Prime Minister and the Chief Eunuch vie for the job of running the country.

4. King Carlos, of Florida's Calusa tribe, shamefully sends his son across the Gulf of Mexico to King Montezuma of the Aztec Empire. His mission: convince Montezuma to come to Florida and help fight off the Spanish Armada. Montezuma shamefully refuses.

5. Scandal reigns over Europe when it's discovered that King Philippe of Belgium and King Frederik X of Denmark shared a hotel room at the last G7 meeting.

6. If you took all the crap kings of England got away with just because they were kings, it wouldn't amount to half of what popes have pulled. But that doesn't mean England shouldn't be ashamed. Historian Henry Lockwood's latest book will set the record straight . . . but someone will stop at nothing to keep it from being published.

7. Shame? What shame? They can do whatever they want with whoever they want whenever they want. They fund their lifestyles by grabbing taxes at whim. This is a pretty short novel.

Original Version

Dear Evil Editor,

Greetings from Southwest Florida, [Thanks. And condolences.]

Prince Sinapa of Florida’s mighty Calusa tribe is devastated when his father, King Carlos, does not appoint him to lead their defense against the fleet of Spanish warships approaching from Cuba. Instead, the King sends Sinapa across the Gulf of Mexico to try to convince Aztec Emperor Montezuma to join the Calusas and drive the Spaniards from their common waters. 

Sinapa: Our canoes are no match for Spanish warships. We need your mighty navy to help drive the Spanish from our common waters.

Montezuma: We have no navy, and we have no common waters. But since you've come so far I can give you a good price on some slightly used canoes.

Sinapa departs on the risky mission, filled with shame at not being chosen to lead the fight against the Spaniards. [Aren't there any potential allies closer than the Aztecs? Like the Creeks? Or the Portuguese? How's Sinapa getting to the Aztec empire, canoe? Horse? Horse in canoe? Does he have a Calusa - Aztec translator?]

Complete at 95,000 words, SHAME OF KINGS is novel about the fierce Calusa tribe that dominated southwest Florida in the 16th century. [Wait, that's it? Is there a plot? What happens? Does he make it to the halls of Montezuma? Does Montezuma drop everything and head for Florida, leaving his empire vulnerable to a sneak attack from the south? Does Sinapa fall in love with an Aztec woman, settle down in Tenochtitlan, and never return to Florida? Or does he return a year later with thousands of Aztec warriors only to find the Spanish decided Florida was a dump and went back to Cuba?] They never gave in to Spanish Conquistadors and were one of the last Native American tribes to survive in the face of European colonialism.

My story would appeal to readers drawn to the multigenerational Florida history of A LAND REMEMBERED by Patrick D. Smith and the epic, far-reaching themes in the works of James Michener.
 
I have an MA in English Language Arts Education and have been teaching for 18 years. Before teaching, I was a public affairs specialist for the U.S. Air Force and wrote articles for national and international newspapers.

I would be happy to discuss my book with you.

Notes

I comment on the details of your story as if I have any knowledge about the period of history, but only because I suspect that the agent you query will have even less knowledge than I do. I mean, have you looked at the photographs of literary agents on their websites? They mostly look like they just got out of high school and got a C- in the only history course they took.

Is this a novel about the tribe or about a specific person/event? I don't get the impression this is a far-reaching multi-generational epic. It sounds like the story of Sinapa's quest to find an ally and make it back before his people are all wiped out by conquistadors and smallpox. If it's a story about Sinapa, we need more info about what happens to him. Ten sentences covering his goal, his plan, the obstacles he overcomes, what's at stake if he fails/succeeds. 

If it's a far-reaching story about the tribe, it seems like what happens in Florida while Sinapa is gone should get more attention in the query than Sinapa's shame at being sent on a fool's errand. Either way, your query needs to summarize the story. 

Did whoever King Carlos appointed to lead the defense do a good job?  

How does a Native American king have a Spanish name?

I suspect King Carlos sent Sinapa to Mexico because he didn't want his only son dying in the coming battle. I also suspect Sinapa wouldn't get ten miles off the coast of Florida before his canoe got destroyed by a Spanish galleon or a hurricane or a whale.