Saturday, May 05, 2018

Face-Lift 1373

Guess the Plot

To Chase a Sky

1. Earl Watley's mom and dad are so dirt poor Earl doesn't even have a sky over his head. No sun, no clouds, no birds, no nothing. The day he turns eighteen, man, he's heading for Montana.

2. Lani and her dragon love soaring into the air and touching the sky. They'd have a good chance of winning the upcoming dragon race, but unfortunately Lani's dragon is invisible and invisible dragons have been banned. 

3. Cryptozoologist Gary Mursted has heard that there are fairies out on Key West. And you can get your mind out of the gutter right now, thankyouverymuch.

4. Kailee Bountry needs a lot of miracles, including a lung, heart, kidney and pancreas transplant. Her only dream is to see the sky up close, even closer than an airplane. Can astronaut Barry Kender and NASA scientists make her dream come true?

5. Lenny has always dreamed of becoming a pilot, but with his paralysis he believes the dream to be out of reach. Can the mysterious  old man who just moved in next door teach Lenny that his dream is not so far out of reach? 

6. Veronica Chase follows the clouds in Tornado Alley, posting close-ups of extreme storms on Youtube. When, she meets rival storm chaser Maximilian Sky, her posts start trending, but  not because of the twisters. Because of (hunky) Max. Caught in a compromising position with him in front of a record-breaking cyclone, will she choose to post and possibly lose him forever?

Original Version

Dear Evil Editor,

Magic-less in a world of magic, Lani is as invisible as her best friend and bonded dragon, Orys. Flying is the only thing they can do better than anyone else. The Ayrnec, a dragon race, is Lani’s chance to show the world her worth—and the winner’s prize is her only shot at reuniting with her long-lost father. However, Orys [has been] banned due to his invisibility. [Is Lani also banned due to her invisibility?]

Determined to find a way in, Lani and Orys search for the cause of his invisibility. They traverse alleys held up by more spellwork than stone, avenues gleaming with runework gears, night markets thick with spices and red with lanterns, and discover the truth in an ancient dragon’s cave:

Lani’s magic was stolen, [So she hasn't always been magic-less. If Orys lost his colors when she lost her magic, it's pretty obvious what caused Orys's invisibility. Now, what caused Lani's?] the effect leaking across their bond and taking Orys’ colors. [Tack this sentence onto the previous paragraph.]

In a city of enchanted machinery, [alleys held up by more spellwork than stone, and avenues gleaming with runework gears,] Lani unearths a blood magician who claims he can give Orys back his colors. Blood magic is illegal, but unless she tracks down the thief in possession of her magic in time for the race, this may be her only choice. [chance]

What she doesn’t realize is the blood magician intends to break her bond with her best friend, the dragon who sees her when no one else can. [What does he get out of breaking their bond?]

TO CHASE A SKY is a standalone YA fantasy with MG appeal, complete at 94,000 words. It is an #ownvoices, Taiwan-inspired novel. [It sounds more like an MG novel with YA appeal. How old is Lani?]

I am a Taiwanese bookstagrammer with 14.6k followers on Instagram.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Best regards,


Would a fresh coat of paint make Orys visible?

Restoring Lani's magic and Orys's colors might be a satisfying ending, but far more satisfying would be for them to use their invisibility to take revenge on the race's administrators by burning down the judges' platform, crashing into the other dragons during the race, and dive-bombing the spectators. It would be like the prom scene at the end of Carrie.

Even if Lani is YA-age, this query sounds more appealing if the book is MG. 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You seem to have to several different plots/stakes being set up here: the dragon race, Lani's missing powers, and the bloodmage thing. Making it in time for the race doesn't sound very interesting or threatening, we don't know much about Lani's missing powers other than them being missing, and we don't know much about the bloodmage other than there's some vague threat to a friendship? bond with the dragon.

If the main plot is the dragon race, we need more about that. Who are their rivals? What problems do they face other than making it to the race on time?

If the race is more of a subplot, we need to know more about the missing powers/bloodmage/dragon bond or whichever the main plot is (I realize they're interrelated to some extent). Why is the bloodmage planning on breaking the bond, i.e. is there something at stake other than it being gone? Is the plot actually about getting Lani back her powers? If so, how does she go about doing that?

I think you need to decide which plot is the main one, tell us what Lani & Orys really have at stake, & what they plan on doing about it