I'm a little curious that sexual assault against slaves would shock anyone including a slave, especially if the slaves are considered inherently lesser beings ("exists merely to serve").
Another nit is that Nadua never really had any rights; they would be considered privileges if she was born inferior and scheduled for slavery.
Apparently Nadua wasn't raised like a slave, since she seems to have some sense of her basic human rights and she has enough of a personality for kids to like her.
These are merely things I'm curious about, which I trust could be resolved or at least deeply explored in 94,000 words. If they're explored through intense inner tension between Nadua's beliefs and her desires, between her parents' love for her and their acquiescence to a law that brutalizes her, and with other explorations of the contradictions in Nadua's psychology and society, it could be very cool and raise the book to something more than yet another retelling of a cliched old parable as EE has noted.
Maybe if you mention how it is that Nadua develops a rather convoluted mix of notions about herself -- born to serve, but not to submit -- I would feel a bit more satisfied and intrigued.
One more thing, since we never see Dorian again in your query, do you need to name him?
Wow! Nice touch with the music, EE. Good choice of a song. It even went well with the fake plots.
And about the query. I liked it, too. I'm sure others who are better qualified will be able to accurately point out any problems it might have. And, if there are problems, they should. I mostly just look for the good stuff, and I thought the query had a lot of that.
Hi there! Not sure if the title is solid, but it seems heavy-handed. And I agree Pervetia/Pervertia is kinda yuck.
As for the premise, I question whether teens want to read about slavery. It's a non-fiction topic they get all too much of in school. At least American teens do.
I didn't get a sense of the locale/time period. Is it futurescape, ancient times, contemporary? To me it felt antiquated, so I assumed an old timey place. It might make a difference to an agent.
Again, considering themes of straight out slavery, child rape, and execution of an innocent--it really sounds out-there for YA lit. Perhaps it's great, and I hope it is, but I am concerned that the market isn't there.
An all time FAVE on the music choice. I wanted to do a Van Morrison GTP, but just couldn't bring myself to do it...
4 comments:
I'm a little curious that sexual assault against slaves would shock anyone including a slave, especially if the slaves are considered inherently lesser beings ("exists merely to serve").
Another nit is that Nadua never really had any rights; they would be considered privileges if she was born inferior and scheduled for slavery.
Apparently Nadua wasn't raised like a slave, since she seems to have some sense of her basic human rights and she has enough of a personality for kids to like her.
These are merely things I'm curious about, which I trust could be resolved or at least deeply explored in 94,000 words. If they're explored through intense inner tension between Nadua's beliefs and her desires, between her parents' love for her and their acquiescence to a law that brutalizes her, and with other explorations of the contradictions in Nadua's psychology and society, it could be very cool and raise the book to something more than yet another retelling of a cliched old parable as EE has noted.
Maybe if you mention how it is that Nadua develops a rather convoluted mix of notions about herself -- born to serve, but not to submit -- I would feel a bit more satisfied and intrigued.
One more thing, since we never see Dorian again in your query, do you need to name him?
Wow! Nice touch with the music, EE. Good choice of a song. It even went well with the fake plots.
And about the query. I liked it, too. I'm sure others who are better qualified will be able to accurately point out any problems it might have. And, if there are problems, they should. I mostly just look for the good stuff, and I thought the query had a lot of that.
Music was perfect--I kept hearing it when I saw the title.
If Amir comes from an alien culture, why must he submit as a slave? Or do all cultures follow the same rule?
Also, I read "Pervitia" as "Pervertia". That could be a problem.
Hi there!
Not sure if the title is solid, but it seems heavy-handed. And I agree Pervetia/Pervertia is kinda yuck.
As for the premise, I question whether teens want to read about slavery. It's a non-fiction topic they get all too much of in school. At least American teens do.
I didn't get a sense of the locale/time period. Is it futurescape, ancient times, contemporary? To me it felt antiquated, so I assumed an old timey place. It might make a difference to an agent.
Again, considering themes of straight out slavery, child rape, and execution of an innocent--it really sounds out-there for YA lit. Perhaps it's great, and I hope it is, but I am concerned that the market isn't there.
An all time FAVE on the music choice. I wanted to do a Van Morrison GTP, but just couldn't bring myself to do it...
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