Fake Query #5

Face-Lift #980, GTP #4


Dear Evil Editor,

Tom Evans wants an Oscar. His years of transforming silverscreen claptrap into blockbuster features feel empty and hollow when Roxanne leaves him for the screenwriter of last year's Best Picture.

Tom sets off for a buddy's cabin in Wyoming, certain that the quiet life is what he needs to write the next Brokeback Mountain. And sure, he gets plenty of natural exposure--from the nudist encampment that shares his river rights to the wolves that dog his every step--but few ideas. That is, until he stumbles into a militia meeting while hiking. The gun-toting freedom fighters mistake him for Dom Evans, and rejoice, certain the reclusive anarchist has responded to their repeated summons. Before he can reveal the error, Tom is inducted into the business side of militia finance--illegal booze and drug running. Realizing this experience might make for the most realistic story Tom's ever written, he dives headfirst into the intrigue. When the real Dom Evans arrives, however, Tom's charade evaporates.

Now, it's Tom versus Dom versus Nature in the ultimate showdown--who will survive: Tom, Dom or the Grizzly bear? If he lives, Tom might just have the screenplay of his dreams.

HOLLYWOOD ENDINGS is complete at 157,000 words, and a guaranteed blockbuster you'd be a fool to turn down.


--Veronica Rundell


Notes

Could have been Oscar material -- if Orson Welles were still alive to play the grizzly bear.