Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Guess the Plot
1. It was his song, it was his song, it was their song. And after tonight, when James and Stephan declare their love while singing "Lola", will the Cedar Rapids VFW annual fish fry ever be the same?
2. The first Lola doll to come off the assembly line isn't intended for a child. Like the first toy of every line, she's destined to be destroyed by the Breaker, a remorseless quality assurance machine. Sacrificing herself for the good of others doesn't appeal to Lola, however. She's just not ready to meet her Breaker.
3. A prudish succubus from the underworld of Lola is cast upon the overworld of Highla. Her mission is to prove her worth by saving Highlan men from sociopolitical influences that encourage sexual release by hand-to-hand combat. There are no women in Highla, by the way. But will the Highlans let her go home, after she's proved she's hot?
4. Sixteen-year-old Lola moves to Key West. She worked obsessively to finish school early. Now She’s ready for romance. But none of the cute boys will dance with her. So she dresses like a boy; now they’re all flirting like crazy. Then she meets hot hetero Billy. They go fishing, diving and wind surfing. If she resumes being a girl, she’ll lose her “friends” and Billy will think he/she’s weird. But she hates it when he dates those snowbird bimbos.
5. Lola, a champion Toy Poodle, has retired to the maternal life. When thieves break in and steal her 3 precious babies, she does what any mother would do--she enlists the help of the neighborhood animals. Between Brad the crow, Patch and Moll the cats, Joe the pitbull and Ralph the ferret, can they find her puppies before it's too late?
“The first toy of every line is intended for disassembly,” Angelique’s one eye shifted away from Lola, staring into darkness.“The First is not just any toy. This is a brave, unique creature. A being that only exists for the sake of others. You will go willingly, your head up, embracing your fate and proud of your calling. It’s your ultimate selfless sacrifice. Prepare to meet your Breaker.”
It wasn’t named The Breaker for nothing, you know. While some might consider this quality assurance machine harmless, neutral, void of feeling, Lola, a soon-to-be-dead doll, knows that it’s out to get her. [Run, Lola, Run.] A special edition doll, created only to be taken to pieces by the Breaker, Lola is led to believe that she needs to be joyful and friendly, carefree and docile, just as her box says, all the way to her doom. [I doubt a doll would be advertised as "docile." Even if these dolls are sentient and mobile in the presence of their owners, the manufacturer wouldn't consider docility a selling point.]
But could she possibly be more than just the description on her box? Lola struggles to discover who she really is and why it is that she cannot, will not, accept her destiny.
On her mission to untangle her fate, Lola stumbles onto the wretched Broken community, possibly the family she has been longing for. The Broken accept her for who she is, and support her in facing her monsters, the dark corners of her nightmares and the possibility of losing her life (and theirs) when she finally comes eye to eye with the godless, remorseless Breaker. [Not clear how Lola's encounter with the Breaker will kill the Broken.] [Were the Broken broken by the Breaker? If so, apparently the Breaker injures you, but doesn't kill you. Yet Lola is described as soon-to-be-dead.]
Against all odds and sinister forces surrounding her, Lola finds herself thinking outside the box, [Nice.] and resolves to fight her fate and the fate of all Firsts. A fate no one has ever contested before. A fate she might not be able to avoid. [That last sentence isn't needed. Who wants to read about someone whose "fate" can't be avoided?]
LOLA is an eerie 75,000 word novel targeted at 9-12 year olds, especially the adventure seeking girls who are into more than just pink and the Biebs. Lola is a strong female protagonist, who is struggling to discover who she is, and believes there is more to her than her box implies.
I have been a journalist and an editor for 15 years and have lately started publishing stories in various horror magazines. My short story “all about Evil” [That's the title I was planning for my autobiography.] was published lately [recently] as part of the horror fiction compilation “Bonded By Blood IV”. [How come when I look up Bonded By Blood IV on Amazon, "All About Evil" isn't one of the stories?]
You don't need Angelique to set up the situation for us. That's your job. We don't even know who Angelique is.
Are there any human characters? I'm not sure a 12-year-old is gonna want to read a book in which all the characters are toys.
If there are people, are dolls sentient/mobile in their presence? These seem like important points.
What are these "sinister forces" surrounding Lola? If you want to attract those at the upper end of your age range, you might have to focus on the evil aspects.