Friday, April 02, 2010
Guess the Plot
1. The sorry tale of the greatest invention never sold. How could Mycroft have predicted that his brilliant Mana Engine would be torpedoed by both a simple spelling error and the unforeseen dearth of heavenly fuel?
2. When Jehovah starts supplying a miraculous food each morning, curiosity leads Abiri to stay up all night and watch for the heavenly food to form upon the ground. What he discovers is a machine from beyond the stars, which drops the substance while the Israelites sleep. Will Abiri keep mum, or reveal knowledge that will alter the spiritual future of the planet?
3. As Paula is demonstrating her new invention, the Mana Engine, for the government, it explodes. General Tecumseh Cooley immediately realizes that while, as an engine the machine sucks, as a bomb it's not bad. He must have it. So he threatens to kill Paula's family members one by one unless she builds him another . . . Mana Engine.
4. It's more than an engine; it's a perpetual motion machine that will eliminate the need for gasoline. But Ulysses Bradley, who invented the Mana engine, won't get it to market if OPEC and Exxon have anything to say about it. You think you're doing something great, and suddenly you're a target for the richest people in the world. Sheesh.
5. You're probably familiar with the children's counting rhyme, "Engine, engine, number nine." Now learn the true story of how this locomotive on the Missouri and Northern Arkansas line derailed in 1906, killing forty seven people and injuring countless others.
6. Every video game designer builds in a hidden "god mode" so they can roam untouchable through their virtual world. But when the AI behind Rafe's online RPG unexpectedly achieves sentience, he's going to wish he made himself a little more indestructible.
Dear Evil Editor
I'm seeking representation for Mana Engine, an 85,000 word fantasy suspence [suspense] novel, written with liberal, female readers in mind. [Everything on this blog is written with liberal female readers in mind.]
After Paula’s mana engine explodes during a live demonstration, the government bans her research, and she is left with a disfiguring blue scar that will eventually kill her. [Scars form when wounds heal. They're not life-threatening until one of your relatives can't stand looking at it anymore and kills you.]
She seeks refuge with a rogue general, Tecumseh Cooley, in the distant Frontedge, on a base [She's in the Frontedge which is on a base? What is the Frontedge? By "distant," do you mean on a distant planet or 50 kilometers away?] meant to keep the local fire-elf tribes in check. In exchange for medical treatment and generous pay, she agrees to rebuild her engine in his lab.
She soon discovers that Cooley wants her engine design because he sees its potential as a weapon of mass destruction, not as an engine. [Especially if she can figure out how to make it explode again.] She abandons the project and flees the base, only to be dragged back and shown a list of her friends and family. These, Cooley tells her, will die one by one until she finishes designing his bomb. [Even if she starts working on it again, they'll die one-by-one until she's finished? Does she get to choose the order in which the people on the list die?] [Actually, that would make for an interesting situation. Imagine some villain handed you a sheet of paper with a list of people on it and he said they were going to die, one every day, until you finished your novel, and you knew it was going to take two days to finish, and the list included your spouse and your kid brother and your best friend and Evil Editor. Who would you save besides Evil Editor?]
But if she finishes the bomb, he’ll use it to racially cleanse the fire elves. Now she must decide whose lives are more valuable. [Between fire elves and people? Come on.] [Oh wait, I was thinking of fire ants.]
I never submit work to multiple agents simultaneously. [At this point in your relationship, your submission policies are not of interest to the agent.] I've included a SASE.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Why hasn't the general racially cleansed the fire elves already? He doesn't have any other weapons at his disposal that are as effective as the mana engine, even though it isn't even designed to be a weapon?
Are Paula's friends and family anywhere near the distant Frontedge?
Are we on Earth? What's a fire elf, and why are they being kept in check? What is the mana engine supposed to do?
It sounds like science fiction. Is there magic? Is it the fire elves that make it fantasy?
I don't see the point of saying this was written with liberal female readers in mind unless you're going to make it clear why liberal female readers would enjoy it more than others.