Face-Lift 624

Guess the Plot

Leonard the Great

1. Leonard doesn't have any problems with being run-of-the-mill. Unfortunately, his father is Phil the Fabulous and his younger brother is Richard the Very Awesome. Is there something incredible in his genes?

2. I am tasked with telling the story of an amazing man, one who led Subiru through its greatest triumphs and darkest hours. From the horror of the great Muskrat Swarm to our victory over Hoondai, he was our King. But no one must ever learn about the goats.

3. Leonard Albacore's mission: get his master, Sir Ronald the Mediocre, a seat at the Round Table. But when Sir Ronald gets arrested for attempted bravery without a license, will Leonard have what it takes to spring him from the royal dungeon?

4. Leonard got called a lot of names growing up: Leonard the Fat, Leonard the Smelly, Leonard the Plain. Later, he became Leonard the Bald, Leonard the Flabby, and even Leonard the Limp. But now, with an unexpected inheritance and a bottle of Rogaine, a vial of Viagra, and a gutful of Hydroxycut, he can finally be . . . Leonard the Great.

5. In the twenty-third century, popes are chosen from among the crowds gathered to celebrate the winter solstice in St. Peter's Oblong. Leonard Jones, stumbling his way from one great Italian restaurant to another, pops in for a drink at the Vatican's La Trattoria PietroPaulo and finds himself anointed before he can finish his beer.

6. Leonard is just another downtrodden cubicle-jockey, until the CEO has a breakdown and declares martial law throughout the building. Suddenly Leonard's detailed knowledge of places to hide and sneak a smoke is vital to the survival--and eventual triumph--of the entire staff.


Original Version

Dear Editor,

Leonard the Great is a middle-grade fantasy novel (77,000 words) set in the days of King Arthur. It's the story of Leonard Albacore, [Already this is sounding like a fish story.] a young page who dreams of getting Sir Ronald the Mediocre, his kind but incompetent master, a seat at the Round Table. [Ah, I was wrong. It's a fish-out-of-water story.] After a chance encounter with a suicidal dragon, he cooks up a plan that will get both of them what they want -- death for the dragon and a sure-fire invite to Camelot for Sir Ronald.

But the plan backfires horribly when the [tuna cartel get wind of the plan and suggest that the] snooty Knights of the Round Table show up and arrest Sir Ronald for "attempted bravery [and fishing] without a license", dragging him off to Camelot's dungeons. Wracked with guilt, Leonard vows to do whatever it takes to free his master even if it means having to outwit dangerous monsters, doing battle with an ancient evil that has taken over Camelot, or going on a dangerous quest with a girl that takes his breath away every time he looks at her.

Full of rough and tumble action, this boy-centric novel is also rich with irreverent asides and unique characters.

I would be happy to send a sample chapter at your request.

Sincerely,


Notes

This sounds good as it is. It does open the door to a question, namely how is going on a dangerous quest with a girl and outwitting dangerous monsters connected to getting Ronald out of the dungeon? Did the knights give Leonard these tasks, like the Wizard of Oz tasking Dorothy with getting the witch's broomstick? I would suggest dumping the monsters and quest and focusing on the ancient evil:

Wracked with guilt, Leonard vows to do whatever it takes to free his master. But now an ancient evil has settled over Camelot, causing A, and unless Leonard can B, C will happen. Presumably you know your ABCs. Better to give us one super-adversary than to make it sound like a series of unrelated events. (This might be true of the book as well as the query, but I assume the connection is made in the book.)

How hard can it be for a suicidal dragon to die? If plummeting from 20,000 feet won't do it, walking into Camelot breathing fire should get the job done.