Bad Analogies, Batch 2

He had tried to act more sophisticated than he was, like a New Yorker (sic) pretending to be a Buffalonian (sic). --D Jason Cooper

Henry Higgins once said "oozing charm from every pore, he oiled his way across the floor," but that was too good for the mayoral candidate. More apt was "buzzwords squealing from every orifice like zits on a juvenescent schnozola, the mayor drooled pre-arrogant jingo and oppo-research epithets." --Dave F.

What are moles like? Like a wind in the trees that softly whispers your name; like the sweet scent of a wood fire on a frosty night; like the trembling touch of a lover’s hand on your cheek—that’s what moles are like. Or not. --tal

Understanding women are like a can of Navy bean soup; the contents are comfort food. --Bill H.

Her teeth were like planks on a yellow fence, and her eyes blinked curiously, like a dairy cow confronted with a singularly difficult question: to eat or not to eat. --stick and move

The man was strong, like a baby isn't. --Shell I

He seemed oddly distracted, like a guy watching a play and knowing John Wilkes Booth is sitting right behind him. --EE

Gingerly, the redhead slipped off her knickers. --Whirl

Harold was as self-effacing as some guy you just kicked in the nuts. --Paul Penna

His odd head looked like a puckered up swim cap left out in the sun. --Robin

So disproportionate in size was her butt to the rest of her body, it appeared as though she had stuffed an entire beanbag chair into the backside of her pants, one bean at a time. --Meri