Thursday, August 07, 2008
Guess the Plot
1. Deep within the caves of a land in the east, WhoMoon's tribe has kept the bloodline flowing and the blood oranges growing for honored guests since time began, according to the ancient ways. But WhoMoon decides to leave, risking all for the unknown rather than certain death as the next virgin sacrifice for: The Blood Dragon!!!
2. Dracula always wanted a pet, but dogs and cats just weren't cutting it. When he stumbles across a dragon hibernating in the Carpathians, he decides he's finally found an animal companion worthy of him. But, feeling peckish, Dracula makes the mistake of biting the dragon, creating a vampiric menace. Can he prevent the countryside from being sucked dry by . . . The Blood Dragon?
3. When Keira moves to Utah it's to be close to her intended, Flynn Doyle. But it's not long before she falls in love with someone else, someone who's not as handsome and charming as Flynn, someone who's a bit of a rogue, someone who happens to be . . . a dragon.
4. Dr. John Ross is the leading expert in the field of blood disorders. But when a new plague begins sweeping the nation, even he is stumped. With people dying as their blood boils them alive from the inside, Ross must figure out how to destroy the deadly virus known as . . . The Blood Dragon.
5. The Ruby Dragons are losing the war with their hereditary enemies, the vampires. But when Drakkar, the Ruby Dragon Prince, is attacked and turned, the clan's problems really suck--literally. Can Drakkar slake his dragon-sized blood lust? Or will he give in and turn against his own kind?
6. Kwai-Tong Kim is a martial arts master, with black belts in three disciplines. When he refuses to do a hit for the Yang Wan gang, his bride is kidnapped. At least, that's what the script says. But Kim has other ideas.
I hope you will consider Blood Dragon, a YA contemporary fantasy finished at 65,000 words.
Keira Connelly's parents moved her to Utah for one thing: [They figured it was the one place in the world they wouldn't have Mormons knocking on their door.] Flynn Doyle, her intended. [That sounds too much like Laura Flynn Boyle.] Despite his charm and good looks, Keira hates Flynn [Why?] and is desperate for any other option. At school she finds that option in Rune Inger [Anagram: ruin genre.] —a rogue dragon raised by humans. [It's always a little embarrassing when your intended dumps you for a dragon.] [As a human myself, I can say confidently that if humans are raising a rogue dragon, it's because they plan to barbecue it.] Bound by the strict code of her own dragon Clan, Keira knows Rune is forbidden, [Whoa. Keira's a dragon? When were you planning to mention this? This isn't something you toss in after saying she moved to Utah and she's engaged to the charming Flynn and she's in school. This is something you open with: Scaly fire-breathing dragon Keira is in Utah for one reason: to burn Flynn Doyle to a crisp.] but can't help feeling drawn to him and the chance at true love he offers.
Torn between duty and desire, Keira pushes her feelings for Rune away and tries to love Flynn—something she'll be forced to do in the future anyway. She discovers affection for her intended, but her love for Rune is hard to shake. And when Flynn takes her to Salt Lake City for a night on the town, [she decides it's the last straw. I mean, come on! Salt Lake City?] her love for Rune only multiplies when he saves the betrothed couple from a vicious black dragon. [Rune just happens to be in Salt Lake City too?]
Keira's life is complicated more by her budding dragon talents—talents that haven't been seen in the dragon world for more than a generation. She could be the next Blood Dragon—the bane of black dragons and the hope of her kind. But Keira hasn't fully transformed yet, leaving her vulnerable and volatile. She'll need the help of her entire Clan if she's to ever know what being a full-grown dragon feels like. [If she's so vulnerable and so important, would they let her go to school or on a date to Salt Lake City?] And she'll need all her strength and cunning to discover a way to choose her own path—a path she's determined to walk with Rune.
The query isn't bad, but it might be a good idea to address some of the questions I've asked or am about to ask.
How big are these dragons? If they're the size we normally associate with dragons, a classroom with twenty dragons would have to be the size of a football field. And I wouldn't want to be in the classroom where they're learning to breathe fire.
In the history books dragon's read, do the knights ever slay the dragons?
I'm not sure why the main characters are dragons. They seem to be facing issues that young adults face, and you're writing for a young adult audience. Would young adults rather read about dragons than young adults? Are you trying to get a message across, and afraid young adults will feel you're preaching at them, so you disguise the message in a dragon book? Perhaps the query should explain what dragons bring to the table.
To put it another way, Keira is Buffy, she needs the help of her Clan (Giles) to become the Blood Dragon (Slayer). But it's easier to identify with teenager Buffy than with dragon Keira. Maybe it should be middle grade, if it doesn't get too lovey-dovey.
If dragons were having fights on the streets of cities, humans wouldn't put up with it. We have weapons with which to take them out, and I don't mean flamethrowers.
Did Keira's parents move to Utah with her? It's not clear from the way it's worded. Is her Clan in Utah? If so, why wasn't she with them to begin with? If not, how can they help her?