Monday, May 05, 2008
Guess the Plot
1. Paladin Percy loves his job working for the God of Household Appliances. He goes on grand adventures, putting down rogue vacuum cleaners and using his healing hands to fix the broken machines at the dump. But when the Great Stool clogs, he must swallow his pride and go down the pipes. Can he survive a battle with the Gods of Sewege? Or will they all be... flushed?
2. "Pistol Pete Paladin" attracts attention and customers by stacking college professors, their daughters, scholars and Navajo tribal leaders on the back of his horse. But when PETA gets wind of his stunt, hilarity ensues.
3. As civil war approaches, a young woman trains for an elite military unit, little knowing that she will ultimately be the key to victory for her people. Also, a talking sword.
4. It isn't easy being a lion - especially when your mom gave you a really stupid name. But Paladin knows that the only reason he's now the head lion of his pride is because he learned how to fight against the cubs who teased him. Now there's a threat: an up-and-coming rascal named Smoochums. Can Paladin save his pride?
5. Whatever's growing in Rachel's garden, it isn't the pumpkins she planted. These are larger, redder, and...angrier. When Rachel enters the newly-named "Paladin's Pride" at the local fete, she expects to win first prize--not to have the judges eaten, the army called in and an offer to work on a Secret Project from the Ministry of Defense.
6. Mark Daggs, a.k.a. "Paladin," gave up being a gay male prostitute in San Francisco for the simpler life of a Midwestern farming community. But when a teenage boy seeks his guidance on sexual identity issues and Mark outs them both during the July Fourth parade, all Hell breaks loose.
Dear Perfect Agent,
I'm seeking representation for my fantasy PALADIN'S PRIDE of 130,000 words. [It's a game. The challenge is to rearrange the words so that they form a sentence.] It is the first in a series.
Gentyl thinks this is no way to become an elite Horse Guard. Assigned to watch a senile wizard botch spells and blow things up, while the king is missing, his personal guard is dead, a civil war and the genocide of Gentyl's people threaten? [That was a question? I was waiting for the predicate that never came.] But the wizard may be less senile than he seems, and when the ambitious young woman's sword begins to talk to her of magic and demons, Gentyl's future begins to seem [The sword talks, her future seems. No need to tell us they "begin" to do these things. If they do them, they obviously began doing them at some point.] much more interesting--and more dangerous. [You talk like her present life is boring and safe after you've brought up botched wizardry, explosions, a conspiracy against the king, civil war and genocide.]
The Horse Guards have defended the Meryn people for hundreds of years, and never has their skill and honor been more needed. An assassin's blade, an attractive healer who isn't what he seems, and a lurking demon caller lie between Gentyl and her heart's desire, but Meryn needs the Horse Guards, and the Horse Guards need Gentyl--whether they know it yet, or not.
I was a staff writer for Speedhorse Racing Report for seventeen years. During that time I wrote weekly stories about Quarter Horse, Paint and Appaloosa racing in Canada, Mexico and the United States. I also wrote several stories about the history of various tracks and articles about equine health. [Thus if Gentyl ever gets her act together to become a Horse Guard, I'll be able to accurately describe any racing she has to do.]
Thank you for your time and consideration.
We need the plot. We have the situation: as her people are threatened with genocide, Gentyl longs to be a member of the Horse Guards. But we know nothing that actually happens to her. Or to anyone else.
Possibly you should start with: The Horse Guards have defended the Meryn people for hundreds of years, and never has their skill and honor been more needed. Then explain why their skill and honor are needed now. That way we'll know what the Horse Guards do and what the current danger is. That's enough background. Now tell us about Gentyl and how the Horse Guard is her heart's desire and what's standing in her way and who the main enemy is and why the Horse Guards need Gentyl. Make us care about Gentyl.
Too much "seeming." The wizard is less senile than he seems, Gentyl's future seems more interesting, the attractive healer isn't what he seems. I'm usually more interested in what's going on than in what seems to be going on, strange as that may seem.