Tuesday, May 06, 2008

All-Purpose Continuations


Sometimes it takes weeks for someone to come up with a good continuation. That means some poor schmuck has to wait weeks for comments about his opening. Thus I'm compiling a short list of amusing All-Purpose Continuations that work with any opening. An opening comes in, we slap on one of the APCs, and voila! No month-long wait for the writer to get feedback.

Below are a few examples. You guys can come up with a few more so there'll be a little variety, and then we'll start the new system.


1.

Suddenly Evil Editor burst through the door and used his laser vision to incinerate everyone in the room. Then he looked into the camera and said, "I had to do it. The writer's reputation and the readers' digestive systems were at stake."


2.

* * *

"Cut!" The director threw down his script as the actors turned to look at him. "Sorry, folks," he said. "My career may be in the tank ever since my last three films bombed, and I may never work in this town again, but even I have more self-respect than to direct this preposterous piece of tripe."


3.

* * *

"See what I mean?" Doctor Abernethy said.

"Incredible," Doctor Levine replied. "And they actually believe this illusion is real?"

"100% real. They have no idea they've been characters in a virtual reality experiment for six years, despite the fact that nothing remotely reasonable ever happens."

"Let's continue the experiment another ten years. If there are no complications we'll incorporate it into the prisons and high schools."

36 comments:

writtenwyrdd said...

Besides the end of a movie scene and the insanity twist, the only other tropes I think we've used more than once are the supernatural twist (vampires, zombie cows, weredingos, etc.) or the author interrupting his writing.
For the latter, you could always use a variation of the one I wrote for new beginning 83

writtenwyrdd said...

The supernatural twist:

A loud bang interrupted the proceedings and all the lights went out. Flame, fumes of sulpher and burning tires fogged the air. From the shadows, a figure emerged, shrugging his shoulders into a red sequined dinner jacket. He paused to look around, then shot his cuffs and cracked his neck.

"Well then. I see we have finally achieved Hell on earth." He nodded to a muttonchopped figure obscured in the gloom. "Good work, Evil."

ril said...

Yer gonna shoot Ol' Yeller??!!

Sarah Laurenson said...

Hmm. Any chance this will get stale really soon? Though I do love these all purpose ones. Perhaps we can rehash some of the ones from the beginning of the blog. Those of us newer folks and those of us who forget everything that ever happened once we go to sleep will think the old ones are new ones.

Sorry I've been such a continuation slug lately.

150 said...

Millicent put down the manuscript, tossed back a shot of gin, set a match to her slush pile, and shot herself.

Dave F. said...

Why don't you do an opening with some of the pictures? It wouldn't have to be a long continuation, just a line or two to make it funny or sardonic or satiric.

writtenwyrdd said...

Evil Editor awoke in a cold sweat. He tossed aside the manuscript he'd been reading.

"Last time I bring work home from the office. Puts me to sleep AND gives me nightmares."

Anonymous said...

If ril is giving you a continuation, that's one thing.

But if he's panic-stricken because the world is changing, well, that's a whole 'nother thing, and...

Damn. I'm weirded out.

Robin

BuffySquirrel said...

Lol, EE.

ChrisEldin said...

But this will be a GREAT writing exercise!
Oh, please, this will be sooo much fun!!!

Anonymous said...

Generic Continuation


Momentarily stunned, he wondered if somehow he'd been mistaken. He wondered if what he thought of as Life was really Death, and conversely, he contemplated the theory that Life metted out the punishment and Death was, ultimately, the reward. In the end, biology trumped the metaphysical. He tilted the Coke can upright, but as the carbonated beverage tumbled down his throat he suddenly experienced a spasm of fear and simultaneously choked, spewed and shit his pants, while she watched, amused.

ME

Sorry, but I am unable to see the "Lighter Side" of things these days. I totally understand if this never sees the light of day!

Evil Editor said...

Yer gonna shoot Ol' Yeller??!!

The poor boy's suffering. Maybe veterinarian ril can save him so we don't have to put him out of his misery.

Robin S. said...

If I worked really really really hard did some continuations(not that mine ril-like, but I do score on the odd occasion), would that make a difference?

ALSO - what about having scenes contributed that aren't openings - in case that well is runnin' dry?

Do I sound desperate. Yeah. I am.

ril said...

I'm sitting here now with the old boy's head on my knee. Yeah, he's a little shaky on his legs and pees on the carpet once in a while, but we gotta remember the old times.

(I'm talking about Ol' Yeller, not EE, btw).

Man, I've got to try and help the old feller out. Got. To. Try!

ChrisEldin said...

Oh, you *did* say to come up with a few of our own....

oops. Will be back!

Robin S. said...

OK, ril.

I'm going in with you. Let's go.

freddie said...

Aw damn. I would really miss writing these, even though most of mine suck.

Maybe you could use an all-purpose one in the event a good one doesn't come along on a case-by-case basis, EE? Like say, give it a couple of weeks, and if all of them suck, you slap on an APC (All-Purpose Continuation).

Jeb said...

"And that," said Grandpa, crumpling the page, "is why your birthday present this year was a donation in your name to the Editors' Association of America. They're all that stand between us and seeing such tripe in every book published in America today."

talpianna said...

"They didn't...?"

"Too late."

"You mean...?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Then....?"

"Yes. There's no escape."

"Then kiss me one last time, and we'll go out in a blaze of passion!"

"I'm your CAT, stupid. Honestly, Robin, sometimes you just lose it completely."

Robin S. said...

OK - I hate blogger right now. I can't tell if my comment just got eaten or not- I got a weird message.

Anyway, I said I agree with freddie and ril. And we could continue opening scenes, and non-opening scenes, and tender or non-tender endings. I'm sayin'.

ril said...

Hey, there's a thought! How about writers submit the last 150 words and the minions have to come up with an amusing 79,850 to precede the real ending.

No, wait. I think there's a flaw here. Just a second..

talpianna said...

In order to wreak an adequate revenge, Robin will have to come up with a generic continuation featuring moles...

Robin S. said...

Ha ha ril.

What about making the ending seem (more)ludicrous with yet another ending added, sort of smacking it in the face. Sound familiar-ish?

Or scenes like we do on weekends, but extended out through the week.

writtenwyrdd said...

"Maybe you could use an all-purpose one in the event a good one doesn't come along on a case-by-case basis, EE? Like say, give it a couple of weeks, and if all of them suck, you slap on an APC (All-Purpose Continuation)."

I thought that is what he was proposing? So openings don't linger and the fun continues?

Anonymous said...

An opening comes in, we slap on one of the APCs, and voila! No wait for the writer to get feedback, no need for an entire blog devoted to openings.

Looked to me like EE was ending continuations as we know them. Yuk.
I'll work harder.

Robin

mb said...

Generic continuation:

After the explosion, of course, no one was left to remember any of this.

Sarah Laurenson said...

I think we need some genre based APC's. And more moles!

freddie said...

Yes, writtenwyrdd, you're right. Been having reading comprehension problems this week.

BuffySquirrel said...

EE can't have been serious. After all, I've been submitting continuations lately, and they're all stellar!

Ummm.

You weren't serious, right, EE? In spite of my offerings?

Evil Editor said...

We won't be using generic continuations. If necessary we'll settle for crappy ones, as we have on occasion in the past.

Khazar-khum said...

Me too, buffysquirrel...

Gads, I've failed at failure!!!

(cries....)

BuffySquirrel said...

I look forward to mine appearing then! hehehehe

Kiersten said...

Was this kind of like when I tell my kids, "Okay, if you don't like any of your toys I guess we'll just get rid of all of them?" and then watch them play with renewed joy and vigor (not to mention a hint of desperation)?

ril said...

Aw, I kind of liked the APC idea.


Seriously though, I'm working on a bunch of crappy continuations. That, I can do. It's good lunch-break exercise and better than just pacing the yard.

Robin S. said...

I like the APC idea as long as it's a backup plan.

I turned in two continuations to HRH last evening- got a big no on 'em, but I'll keep going.

ril said...

Looks like I couldn't help the old boy this time. I'll keep trying, but I figure you might need to go to one of them big city doctors.