Face-Lift 1448

Guess the Plot

Tied Fates

1. Just for the record, Abernathy would like it known that he never wanted a serial killer as a soul mate. 

2. The three Fates, Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos, are captured by Arachne, and woven into an intricate web. Arachne takes over the job of weaving mortals, but she's only interested in creating humans who are evil. Can Aesop write a myth in which the Fates are rescued before the world is overrun with demons and ogres?

3. There was an, uh, accident with a basket of kittens while Clotho was spinning out the lives of mortals. Rather than letting Atropos cut it all to pieces, thereby killing them all, Lachesis comes up with a plan of cat's-cradle destinies involving people living out parts of their lives as each other. It makes sense in the book.

4.  Clotho has always spun the thread, Lachesis measured it, and Atropos snipped it. Always. For millennia. One day, out of boredom (and after more than a few drinks) they decide to switch jobs. Before long the entire universe is in disarray as the sisters of Fate end up bickering and tied in knots of indiscriminate length, and if they don't get things back under control soon, someone is getting a scissor in the eye.

5. Tommy's only hope of happiness is to find his mother. Cecile's only hope of bringing peace to her homeland is to obliterate the place where Tommy's mother is living. It's like that story where the guy sells his watch to buy his wife a hair comb only to find out she's sold her hair to buy him a watch chain. Except in my book there's also a dragon.

6. Thanks to a witch's spell, Evangeline is blind, and will remain so until she marries. Her only suitor is an ugly dwarf who loves Evangeline but knows she will never love him once she sees him. Will he help her regain her sight, knowing she'll leave him, or will he talk her into just being friends with benefits?

Original Version

In the far-flung mining town of Nyrmoon where magic is feared, Tommy can bring objects to life, bestowing free will upon toys, trees [Trees aren't exactly slaves being ordered around by birds and squirrels. For all we know, they choose to stand in one place, soaking up the sun's rays. I can think of worse ways to choose to live. A better example than trees would be mannequins, which, if they had free will, would wipe out humanity.] and beyond. When his powers grow out of control causing a living pickaxe to maim his father, he becomes convinced magic is evil. [Pickaxes don't maim people; mannequins with pickaxes maim people.] Tommy sets out on a journey through the Misfortunate Woods in search of the one person who could help him subdue his powers… his mother. [Do you expect us to believe a teenage kid who has magical powers isn't using those powers to get chicks?]

After Tommy narrowly escapes the jaws of a wyrm and befriends a winged horse, he reaches Capital, a city steeped in magic. However, a greater danger appears in the form of a kind-hearted girl, Cecile, the secret dragon-riding princess. [A dragon-riding princess needs a cooler name than Cecile. How about Daenerys?] [If you've got a flying horse, and your girlfriend's got a dragon, your best-case scenario is that the dragon only eats your horse.]

Cecile yearns for an age of peace, but her only path to attain it is to overthrow her evil mother and become ruler in her place. This requires her to lay siege to Capital and obliterate the magical barracks where Tommy’s mother lives. [Even better: obliterate the place where her own mother lives.] She may be able to extinguish her mother’s war but she might stain herself in blood and yet achieve nothing. [I spent 8 years watching Game of Thrones and you managed to condense the whole thing into one paragraph.] [Most wars end with at least one side stained in blood, having achieved nothing.]

Featuring two independent story threads which merge after the midpoint, TIED FATES (59,000 words) is an upper MG, Epic Fantasy, standalone with series potential. It's similar in tone with Skandar and the Unicorn Thief by A.F. Steadman,  [Anyone whose occupation is unicorn thief better have a side gig.] Frostheart by Jamie Littler, and Avatar: The Last Airbender, the Nickelodeon TV show. [Two comp book titles are plenty; no need to add a Nickelodeon TV show, even if you're as positive as I am that the agent's familiar with the TV show and never heard of the books.] 

I'm an Actor [No need to capitalize "actor" unless you've won an Academy Award.] with a passion for music and dance, working at a theater company specialized [ing] in productions for children. [For instance, Death of a Toy Salesman, and The Ice Cream Man Cometh.]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Notes

Tommy is entering a city steeped in magic, a city apparently at war with whomever, a city surrounded by giant man-eating wyrms, yet a kind-hearted girl is a greater danger?

Even with free will, a pickaxe would have to grow legs or wings to be much danger.

Is Capital the capital city of some place? If so, whoever named it didn't have much imagination. If not, I bet the people in the actual capital city are pissed that this other city named itself Capital. So pissed that that's probably who Capital is at war with. I'm surprised Paris, France hasn't declared war on Paris, Texas.

Is Cecile's mother the ruler of just this one city?

What is this war that Cecile may be able to extinguish? The only war-like event mentioned was Cecile laying siege to Capital. Up till then, it was already an age of peace as far as I can see. Or is some other city also laying siege to Capital?

I'm more interested in what happens when the two threads merge than in Tommy's friendship with a flying horse. After introducing the two main characters, tell us what the dilemma is. Does Cecile need Tommy's magic to take down her mother? Does he refuse to use it for fear he'll maim Cecile with a cleaver? Is it impossible to get Tommy's mom out of the barracks before it's obliterated? Do Tommy and Cecile work as a team?

Bringing peace to the land seems like a higher priority than stopping Tommy from bringing toys to life. Unless . . . can he turn toy soldiers and weapons into real soldiers and weapons?