Guess the Plot
The Broken Veil
1. When Irene tears her sister's veil, she doesn't realize she's also torn a hole in the fabric of reality! Join her in a race to the seamstress before her sister's wedding alongside a cast of talking dogs, rainbow spiders, and the number 5. (Assuming the wedding is still on.)
2. Much to Herod's displeasure, Salome cancels her famous dance act, due to a wardrobe malfunction. Kingly wrath ensues.
3. Rowan would like to be king, but first he would have to get on the ballot and win the election. Which won't happen if the stranger wrapped in veils--and secrets-- gets him killed.
4. Due to National Parks being sold out to mega-corporations, the once famous Flaming Falls has ceased to have water covering the inter-dimensional portal to a land of vampiric gigolos who would rather lie around watching soap operas than conquer the world. That is, until Fabio makes an appearance.
5. Salome "Sally" Montgomery is a successful corporate headhunter, keeping her secret life moonlighting as a neo-burlesque dancer under wraps. Rushing from her big break at the Miss Exotic World pageant to a key meeting with recruitment prospect John Baptiste, she throws a camel trench coat over her sequins and feathers and heads for a swanky downtown restaurant. But when her coat gets caught in the revolving door, she has to give the performance of her life in order to serve up Baptiste's head . . . on a platter.
6. The unconscious bride. The missing groom. The trail of blood out the back. The same signs are appearing that ended in Milfred Meldon's sister's wedding being cancelled 50 years ago. She vows to discover what happened in time for her granddaughter to make it to the altar . . . if she must enlist the help of Death himself when he comes for her.
7. Sixteen-year old Lorenzo Vicenti is an apprentice to the great sculptor Gian Bernini. When he accidentally breaks one of his master's works, will he try to mend it, or run off to the New World with his lover, Lorenzo?
After years of wandering in a self-imposed exile, born [borne] from the grief and guilt at his failed attempt to save a loved one’s life, [Which loved one?] Rowan returns home to find his realm is at last seeking a king. [Why haven't they wanted a king up till now?] If he can pass the trials and win the election, he may earn the reputation he already has but doesn’t deserve. [Is his current reputation good or bad?]
Journeying with his companions - allies and kin - Rowan vows to his father he will do whatever it takes to win the crown, attempting to leave his past behind, for though his feats against man and beast have earned him a reputation for bravery and skill, his acts stemmed from a reckless disregard for his own life. [Feats of bravery often involve risking one's life. It's when they're so reckless they risk other people's lives that they can give one a bad reputation.] When a stranger joins their company Rowan is wary, for the stranger may see through his facade of confidence and find the doubt and guilt lurking within. [And it would be a disaster if a complete stranger knew Rowan felt doubt and guilt?] During a skirmish, the stranger is revealed to be a woman wrapped in secrets - secrets that may kill them all. [What secrets? No need to keep secrets secret from your correspondent.]
The Broken Veil is complete at 123,500 words. Set in a fantasy world based loosely in 17th century Europe, it is third person POV. This story is a blend of adventure, friendship, humor, and a dash of romance for those who enjoy the works of Kirstin Cashore [I'm sure Kristin will forgive you for spelling her name wrong. The person reading your query, might as well.] and Melina Marchetta.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Who is Rowan? Just some commoner? Someone with royal blood? Were there 17th-century countries whose kings were chosen in elections? Are the countries in your book real European countries or made-up countries? If they're real countries, which one does Rowan want to be king of?
Is this journey with allies and kin after the self-imposed exile, or is it the same wandering? If you're wandering in exile, you usually aren't with your kin and allies. But if his wandering is over, how has he hooked up with his kin and allies? Aren't they back in the homeland?
Some guy who hasn't been around for years shows up and wants to be king. We need to know what obstacles he must overcome. That a stranger might see through his facade is pretty lame as an obstacle unless you explain how this would prevent him from attaining his goal and why his becoming king would be good. I'm not confident he wouldn't suck as king.
The most intriguing part is the woman whose secrets could kill them all. But if you don't elaborate on that, with specific information, we don't know what to make of it.