Guess the Plot
The All Mads
1. It's a Masquerade and Suzy is enjoying every minute of it. But when the clock strikes midnight, everyone becomes the mask they wear. Can Suzy find her friends and escape the curse or is she doomed to forever be a white rabbit?
2. John Gibbons, head of the Sydney Home for Disturbed Boys, needs to find an outlet for all that youthful energy and violence. And so he proposes a football team to take on the city's best. But they need a name, and the name they pick, the All Mads, might not do them any favors.
3. Every pharmaceutical company, every drug counter at the store, every light-shaded bottle with colorful pills inside.... oh, you said mads.... That works tOo. Them drugs dO things tO yOur mind.
4. After murdering his parents and being diagnosed as mentally ill, Victor trains to be a detective. Not just any detective, though. Part of a team called the All Mads, who police all the world's weird creatures.
Dear Evil Editor,
After Victor murders his parents, he’s taken to a manor for mentally ill and paranormally infected kids. Along with the mind-manipulating Sebastian, the gentlemanly Caroline, and the insanely adorable (and plain insane) Hugo, he trains to become a rumor detective—a police force for all the world’s weird creatures. [Because in this enlightened world, law enforcement is the perfect field for mentally ill murderers.]
Hunting physical monsters is easy. [If hunting monsters is the job, it would have a better name than "rumor detective." You're as likely to hear rumors that there's a thief or a serial killer in the area as a monster.] [Also, if you want me to read about a team who hunt monsters, don't start by telling me hunting monsters is easy. I want it to be challenging.] It’s the ones in Victor’s head that give him trouble. But [maybe] the other kids might be able to [can] tame them, since they’re certainly capable of taming real ones. [That the other kids have tamed the monsters in their own heads would be a better indicator than is their ability to tame real monsters.]
When Victor discovers that himself [he] and his friends have a strange Tarot card disease, it’s just another event that proves [more proof that] his life is rife with oddness. A murderer named the White Man, who plans to use the four in a devilish plot, calls them the End of the World. [(They prefer to go by "The All-Mads.")] Whether the world is destroyed or its reality altered for the better depends on them, but sometimes they seem too bad to be the good guys.
A young adult LGBT urban fantasy, THE ALL MADS takes place in Prague. It is complete at 120,000 words. The full manuscript is available upon request.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
(The reason the title is The All Mads is because that’s what the kids name their team, claiming “they’re all mad here.”)
Do Caroline, Hugo and Victor have paranormal powers that are useful in their jobs, as Sebastian does? If so, you should mention them rather than using adjectives like "gentlemanly" and "insanely adorable." If those adjectives and the monsters in the kids' heads are attempts to hint that this is LGBT, I think you need something more obvious.
The Tarot card disease is interesting, but it has no apparent connection to the White Man, so either move it, delete it, or connect it.
The second paragraph doesn't tell us much beyond Victor has monsters in his head, which we can infer from the fact he's apparently a mentally ill murderer. If we dump that paragraph, we'll have room to expand on the third paragraph with information like what the White Man wants them to do, and what his goal is, and how they plan to stop him. How the world might be destroyed or its reality altered. The symptoms of Tarot card disease.
And perhaps why you describe this as LGBT. There's no need to mention LGBT just because you have a couple LGBT characters. If that term applies to the entire team, and their struggles as LGBT are a major theme of the book, that's a potential selling point and perhaps needs to be made more obvious.
They're a police force for all the world's weird creatures. I'm not sure even after reading the whole query whether that means they protect the world's weird creatures (from monsters?) or they protect the world's humans from weird creatures (including monsters).