tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post821909395566040597..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1351Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-47537251253604376282017-05-03T09:59:12.035-04:002017-05-03T09:59:12.035-04:00He's twelve for a decent amount of time, which...He's twelve for a decent amount of time, which is why I thought saying he's eighteen would confuse people if an agent was ever actually interested enough to start reading the story. But I'll change "kids" to "teens," which might let people know that he does eventually become a teen.<br /><br />Good point, I'll fix that. And thanks, it seems like the Tarot card stuff might be the most interesting thing, and I barely even mention it in the query. I'll have to fix that. (XClaudia_Witternoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-22178100012487681232017-05-03T00:41:42.065-04:002017-05-03T00:41:42.065-04:00If Victor is only 12 for the first chapter (or pro...If Victor is only 12 for the first chapter (or prologue), I think you can say 18 in the query. If he's twelve for a decent amount of time, maybe leave the age out of the query, but refer to the manor as a place for "teens" rather than "kids." <br /><br />Also, I might tweak the rumor detective line like this: he trains to join the rumor detectives—a police force for all the world’s weird creatures.<br /><br />(Since "become a rumor detective" is singular but "police force" is plural.)<br /><br />Ooh, the Tarot stuff sounds fascinating! I really like that.Chelsea P.https://www.blogger.com/profile/05640616327350485458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-91845088257096909222017-05-02T19:49:17.057-04:002017-05-02T19:49:17.057-04:00Victor is twelve in the beginning, but then it lat...Victor is twelve in the beginning, but then it later skips ahead to when he's eighteen. Most of the kids sent to fight are kids that had difficult lives and were willing to fight in exchange for a better home. The Tarot card disease is something I'll definitely explain more--basically, a person receives the name of a Tarot card on their body, and then gain certain abilities that relate to the meanings of their cards. What card they receive depends on their personalities and pasts.Claudia_Witternoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-76625863013235706722017-05-02T19:46:07.876-04:002017-05-02T19:46:07.876-04:00Thanks, and I agree that I need to explain things ...Thanks, and I agree that I need to explain things more. I didn't even think to put "abusive" since I already know they are, but of course others wouldn't know that. I always forget little things like that. (X<br /><br />One thing I'm not sure about is mentioning his age. He's twelve in the beginning of the book, but then it later skips to when he's eighteen. I considering adding that into the query, but it would probably be too confusing.<br /><br />I'll definitely explain the Tarot card disease, and add more about the White Man and what choice Victor has to make. And yes, I'll just add that if an agent says they're looking for LGBT characters. I wasn't sure if having them meant I needed to add. (X Again, thank you for your help!Claudia_Witternoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-69720173934146986332017-05-02T19:40:19.928-04:002017-05-02T19:40:19.928-04:00I'll expand on the plot and remove most of the...I'll expand on the plot and remove most of the setup, as well as the friends names--I guess they really aren't needed. Victor is the MC, and he does want to be a rumor detective, and also a better person than his parents, even after what he did.<br /><br />Thanks for this, it really helped. I'll try to add his goals and obstacles in the rewrite.Claudia_Witternoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-10543424829030821472017-05-02T16:10:29.079-04:002017-05-02T16:10:29.079-04:00How old are they? Is there a reason kids are sent ...How old are they? Is there a reason kids are sent on these challenging fights?<br />What does the Tarot Card disease do? khazar-khumnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-55193863628454954292017-05-02T15:59:37.085-04:002017-05-02T15:59:37.085-04:00I think you've laid some good groundwork here,...I think you've laid some good groundwork here, it just needs a bit of clarification/explanation in some parts. Maybe something like:<br /><br /><i>When fifteen-year-old Victor murders his abusive parents, he’s taken to a manor for mentally ill and paranormally infected teens. Along with the mind-manipulating Sebastian, the gentlemanly psychic Caroline, and the insanely adorable (and plain insane) Hugo, he trains to become a rumor detective—a police force for all the world’s weird creatures.<br /><br />Hunting monsters is difficult work, but it's nothing compared to the demons in Victor's head.</i> <br /><br />Then you can get into the Tarot disease (and what that means), the White Man, and the choice Victor has to make. As you can see, I took a couple of guesses with "abusive" and "psychic," but those are just examples of how you can clarify things fairly quickly (and still keep "gentlemanly Caroline," which I quite liked). As for the LGBT elements, I'd tailor that to the particular agent. If an agent is actively seeking LGBT books (a lot of them will say this on their website) you could say, "Complete at 120,000 words, THE ALL MADS is a YA urban fantasy with a queer protagonist." (Presuming Victor himself is queer.) Or even "a YA urban fantasy with LGBT elements." You don't need the line about the manuscript being available upon request.<br /><br />You've got a lot of great stuff here, and I'm looking forward to the rewrite! :)Chelsea P.https://www.blogger.com/profile/05640616327350485458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-78551706129506455852017-05-02T12:50:27.026-04:002017-05-02T12:50:27.026-04:00Two paragraphs of setup and one paragraph of vague...Two paragraphs of setup and one paragraph of vague plot description. Try reversing that ratio and leaving out the vagueness by using specifics of the through-line plot. Don't include the ending of the book, but anything up until then is fair game.<br /><br />The three friend characters' names can probably be left out of the query.<br /><br />I'm assuming Victor is the MC.<br /><br />What does he want? To find a cure for the tarot card disease? To be a good rumor detective? To find some kind of absolution after murdering his parents? To get rid of his paranormal infection? To save the world? <-- I'm assuming one of these is the through-line plot, but I have no idea which.<br /><br />What obstacle(s) does Victor face in attempting to achieve his goals or the plot goals? What's he got going for him to face the obstacle(s)? Are there any plot critical decisions he needs to make?<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-60350027018618066422017-05-02T11:26:21.358-04:002017-05-02T11:26:21.358-04:00Thanks, EE. I now see how flawed this query is and...Thanks, EE. I now see how flawed this query is and how I can go about fixing that. <br /><br />Also, thanks for letting me know about the LGBT thing. I wasn't sure, if some characters are LGBT, I had to let agents know about it. I'll remove that.<br /><br />Maybe, in a week or so, I'll have a (hopefully) improved query to re-submit.Claudia_Witternoreply@blogger.com