Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Face-Lift 1187


Guess the Plot

Truth and Other Superpowers

1. Charlene slipping her latest herbal remedy into Lydia's tea results in more than her eyes opened. Now Lydia can hear people's thoughts--not good for Lydia's unfaithful boyfriend. Oh, and now Lydia can levitate on command. This may, or may not, be a good thing.

2. Invisible plane, bullet-proof bracelets, and legs that go all the way up. They don’t call her Wonder Woman for nothing. But isn’t the Lasso of Truth really where she gets all her superpowers? Evil Editor will use his minions to find out. Maybe then he can use it on the slush pile.

3. Truth swears she was adopted. Her parents, Capital Vice and Cardinal Sin, think she is going through a phase. A phase!? Just because she can't lie,steal, sleep around, kill, and...and what the hell is wrath? Her seven siblings are supportive, but they have their own issues. Nothing makes sense until Captain Purity arrives to sample her blood.

4. Accidentally inducted into a mysterious cult, Emmett acquires the power to know when people are telling the truth. And other superpowers. Now he must take on a napalm-drooling legion of hell and an army of super-powered soldiers in order to save the world from a guy named Jeremy.

5. Phineas decides to put his gift to public use. As an intern on Capitol Hill, he's going to get the serious dirt on every member of Congress. Until Phineas discovers his truth-seeker power is useless against corrupt narcissistic assholes.

6. A lab explosion leaves Caitlan with a number of strange superpowers. But the scariest is that whoever she touches is incapable lying for the next 30 minutes. Hired by the government to use her power during an international summit, she accidentally touches her own diplomats. Boy, is she going to need those other superpowers now, to outrun a furious government.


Original Version

Dear Evil Editor,

No good deed goes unpunished, so when Emmett Garcia helps Morgan, an unconscious stranger, get home safely, [If you happen upon an unconscious stranger, your top choices, depending on who you are, should be to call 911, perform CPR, steal his wallet, or look the other way and let someone else deal with it. Finding out where he lives and taking him there can only lead to trouble.] he’s barely surprised that he is ushered into the house at gunpoint. [See what I mean?] When he is then accidentally inducted into a cult dedicated to saving the world, [I'm a member of what? I thought this was a Tupperware party!] Emmett begins to worry. [What is the cult trying to save the world from?] And when he starts seeing people’s lies, [What does that mean?] he is forced to ask: how important is Morgan’s life, to be punished this much? [He's forced to ask that? I don't even understand it. If Morgan's life was at stake, why wasn't he taken to a hospital instead of his home? Is seeing lies the only punishment? How do you accidentally get inducted into a cult?] [If I accidentally inducted someone into my cult, I would immediately un-induct him. Even if the induction included a permanent tattoo, you could un-induct him by tattooing on one of those circles with a line through it.] 


Stuck with each other, Emmett and Morgan do their best [Apparently Morgan is now conscious and no longer a stranger.] to survive a napalm-drooling legion of hell, an army of super-powered soldiers, [Where are they now? Are the legion and the army trying to kill them? Do Emmett and Morgan have super powers that can help them survive a legion of hell and an army of super-powered soldiers? I ask because the title includes "Other Superpowers" but I can't tell if these other superpowers belong to Emmett and/or Morgan or to the army of super-powered soldiers. Hard to believe seeing lies, whatever that means, will help defeat an army and a legion.] and most importantly, each other. But when they meet Jeremy – a polite, bow tie-clad psychopath dedicated to spreading lies and death – they realize that merely surviving isn’t enough. [So Jeremy is the main villain? They survive a napalm-drooling legion of hell and an army of super-powered soldiers, only to be confronted by . . . Jeremy?] They need to work together to save the world. [I thought the cult was dedicated to saving the world. How come it's now up to these two guys?]

Should you be interested, the completed 66,000-word manuscript [of my YA fantasy novel Truth and Other Superpowers] is available for your review. I hope to hear from you soon.

Thank you for your time and consideration,


Notes

Start over. Just tell us the story. From what I can tell your plot summary should read about like this:

When Emmett Garcia happens upon an unconscious stranger and revives him, the man, whose name is Morgan, insists he doesn't need medical help and requests a ride home. Emmett agrees, but when they arrive at Morgan's home, they discover a cult has occupied the place and is conducting an induction ceremony. Mistaken for prospective cult members, Emmett and Morgan become the newest members of a group dedicated to saving the world from Armageddon.

The cult members divide into two-man teams, each with a mission. Emmett and Morgan, being the newest and least experienced team, are assigned the task of taking down a napalm-drooling legion of hell and an army of super-powered soldiers. They succeed, in no small part thanks to Emmett's newly acquired ability to tell when people are lying to him. But before they can even report their triumph to the other cult members, they encounter . . . Jeremy! Yes, Jeremy, the polite, bow tie-clad psychopath they thought was an urban legend.

The battle between good and evil is coming to a head. Our champions and defenders: two guys named Emmett and Morgan. At stake: only the world.


2 comments:

Veronica Rundell said...

*bows to the Evil Editor*
Author,
Start over. Think: plot. Exclude: nonsense that makes plot sound hare-brained.

The juxtaposition of napalm legions and armies of darkness with...Jeremy is so comical I nearly soiled myself...

Best of luck!

CavalierdeNuit said...

Oh my EE!

Is Jeremy the grownup version of the protagonist in Pearl Jam's song Jeremy? Because that would rock.

Anyway, not much to add here except concentrate on what EE wrote. Printing out the page and making notes on it helps you focus a lot better I think.