Thursday, February 13, 2014
Guess the Plot
Evil Vs. Good
1. Good Editor has four brains. He reads through all daily slush in 2 hours, makes notes, and responds to writers in 24 hours. Evil Editor has demanded satisfaction because Good Editor took the last cheese danish. Get ready for the fight of the century.
2. Nothing fun ever happens at St. Hubert's Catholic School for boys--until trash-talking, jerk jock Norman Good comes to fifth grade. Can quiet, brainy Johnny Evil use his wits to handle the nasty newcomer, or will his tae kwan do come into play?
3. Good takes a holiday when her archnemesis/hubby declares war. Evil's been ragging ever since his Low-T medication ran out. And Good's trip flies in the face of his ED. How dare she trifle with his rifle! Now there's only one thing left for the master of evil to do--sell the house and buy a sports car. Hilarity ensues.
4. Demons are supposed to possess humans. It's the natural order. So when a young demon named Shax is possessed by an insufferably good human named Emma, he's pissed. And when he starts doing actual good deeds he wonders: Has the world gone to hell?
5. When rival lawyers Rick Good and Jerry Evil face off in court over a missing poodle, it becomes increasingly difficult for the lovesick judge to tell who is good... and who is evil.
6. One little nudge, and Earth's climate trouble would be a thing of yore. Sam knew he had the stones, but really, how many twelve year old computer hackers take down coal-promoting super villains in real life? Just this one.
7. It's EE's newest experiment, a new blog called Good Editor, where he only makes saccharine-sweet comments about openings and queries. Will it attract more submissions than his evil persona's blog?
Shax is a young fire demon used to being stabbed by his tutor, hit by fire waves from his father, sprayed with antiseptic sulphur by his mother and bullied by the Renegade angels. [Three items is enough for a list. I'd probably get rid of the mother, as she appears in the next list. Also, do we need to capitalize "renegade"? ] What he is not [he's not] used to is to be [being] possessed by a human.
A moment of distraction, a curse from his mother, a thunderbolt thrown by the archangel Mikael, and Shax’s demonic possession test takes an unexpected turn; Emma, the woman he is [was] possessing, is suddenly inside his [his] body. But luck seems to be finally on Shax’s side when he discovers that Emma is the keeper of an ancient book of shadows. What looks like an [The] old, tattered tome happens to be the most powerful grimoire in Hell. [Is the grimoire in Hell? Or is it in Emma's bookcase? Calling her the keeper of the book suggests that she knows what she has. Has she been entrusted with protecting the book, or does she just happen to own it?] A grimoire that every demon wants.
Great new powers are great, [By definition. Dump the first "great."] but Shax could do without being chased by infernal scientists, who want to experiment on the first human-possessed demon in history, [and] the archdemon Ruax, who want [needs] the grimoire to enslave all demons and become the sole ruler of Hell, and kamikaze dragons, who couldn’t care less about Shax and the grimoire but fall from the sky anyway.
The worst part is that, due to the constant, unavoidable presence of Emma, whose kindness keeps intruding into Shax’s evil thoughts, unwillingly, Shax [he] discovers an almost decent side of him[self]. In no time at all, he [even] catches himself doing good deeds [running a philanthropic organization!] Is he becoming – yuck! – good?
EVIL VS. GOOD, complete at 89.000 words, is a young adult fantasy and my first novel.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
The story sounds like fun. The query is listy and mostly setup. Setup: the tables are turned when an evil demon is possessed by Emma, a human who exudes goodness. Perhaps GTP #4 would take care of the setup:
Demons are supposed to possess humans. It's the natural order. So when a young fire demon named Shax is possessed by an insufferably good human named Emma, and starts doing actual good deeds, he's annoyed--until he discovers that Emma possesses a grimoire that can give its owner great powers.
Unfortunately, the archdemon Ruax wants the grimoire, for with it he can enslave all demons and become the sole ruler of Hell!
Now there's plenty of room to tell us what Shax/Emma plans to do, what's stopping him, and what will happen to the world if Ruax rules Hell. This assumes Shax is the main character, which seems odd if Emma possesses Shax. Apparently she doesn't have control, just influence?