Friday, July 12, 2013

Twitter Etiquette


So I was all ready to present Cynthia Loveland with a huge prize package (Bermuda vacation, Lexus, and $5000 gift certificate from Givenchy) for being my 300th Twitter follower, when, before I could even finish convincing Lexus to provide the car in return for product placement in the next Evil Editor film, I discovered that I had only 298 followers. WTF?

Apparently two people had unfollowed me! There was a time a few months ago when unfollowing me would not have caused even a tiny blip on my radar. After all, I've unfollowed almost everyone I ever followed because everyone eventually fails to entertain me.

But then last May tennis player Sloane Stephens said, when discussing Serena Williams in an interview: "She went from saying all these nice things about me to unfollowing me on Twitter! People think she’s so friendly and she’s so this and she’s so that — no, that’s not reality! You don’t unfollow someone on Twitter!"

And more recently, came this news report: Dwight Howard of the Los Angeles Lakers signed with the Houston Rockets on Friday. [Laker star] Kobe Bryant unfollowed Howard on Twitter shortly thereafter.

What gives? Twitter didn't even exist eight years ago. This blog has been around longer than Twitter! And yet the Twitter "unfollow" has become the ultimate means by which to dis someone? ("Dis" means disrespect. The word "dis" has been around almost 5 times as long as Twitter.)

In the 19th century, men were men. If someone disrespected you, you challenged him to a duel. You ended his life. Now you unfollow him on Twitter. Yeah, that'll show him. I can imagine Kobe Bryant lying in bed in his mansion at night, thinking, That bastard Dwight Howard. I gotta think of some way to put him in his place. I know! I'll unfollow him on Twitter. Mwah ha ha!


"Who you lookin' at?"

"You. Whatchoo gonna do about it, tough guy?"

"I'm gonna unfollow you on Twitter."


Why we finally got bin Laden.

I have to start following more people just so I can unfollow them when they annoy me.

Anyway, I'm back to 300 followers, but apparently that's only temporary, until I piss one of them off. Cynthia Loveland, for instance.



7 comments:

BuffySquirrel said...

You've never even started following me on Twitter, you super-insulter you!

Dave Fragments said...

Mediaite reports that

All is not lost, though. In Buzzfeed’s list of sad Sharknado facts, they included, at number six, “There is no Obamacare coverage for pre-existing Sharknado injuries.”

In response, Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius tweeted a clarification:

@Buzzfeed, in 2014, #Sharknado injuries will be covered as a pre-existing condition under #Obamacare


That is a solution for "unfollow" ...
Send them a sharknado...

Jennifer R. Donohue said...

I read this post and realized I was not, in fact, following you on Twitter yet. So now you have 301 followers. You're welcome!

Peter Dudley said...

Dave, you just made my day.

EE, not only have I never unfollowed you, but I've retweeted and replied to you, and I've never heard a peep from you. Admit it. You're just jealous that Robin actually likes me better.

Jo Antareau said...

Just because i follow people on twitter is no guarantee that I actually read what they tweet.

Mister Furkles said...

I don't like social media. I'm holding out for antisocial media. How can we unfriend and unfollow people if we've never used social media?

Veronica Rundell said...

And here I thought I'd get tips on social media manners by reading this blog post!

Must seriously consider my following status...not sure if I desire humorous cartoons disrupting my daily dose of self-pub rants and blog shout outs.