Friday, June 03, 2011
Guess the Plot
The Goddesses: Discovery
1. Look out gods, there's a new force on the horizon of power - goddesses! These females won't be taking any backtalk from washed-out losers, they're here to turn the world upside down.
2. Four goddesses make an alarming discovery: an evil god named Hikakanen is stirring up trouble. The goddesses spring into action, convincing a boy to take on the evil one. What, you didn't expect goddesses to get their hands dirty, did you?
3. Betsy has tried everything to rid her house of pests-- exterminators, traps, fumigation. But it's no good-- there are droppings in the kitchen again, and under the fridge she discovers... goddesses. A whole nest of 'em.
4. While on vacation in France, teens Lydia and Loretta discover a cache of ancient carved stone goddesses. Instantly enchanted, they bumble through a magical portal and land in a world where they are scullery maids in Venus's kitchen.
5. Jane and Nat meet in college and discover they grew up within blocks of each other. Also, they both have tiny sets of wings growing off their feet. Clearly, that FTD man who visited both their mothers so often wasn't just bringing flowers. Lesbian half-goddess half-sisters. How Greek.
6. Security guard David Hogan works nights at the Smithsonian. When the decommissioned Space Shuttle Discovery is sent there for display, David starts hearing female voices. Is he crazy, or has something sinister been brought back from space?
Dear Evil Editor,
In Guen’s opinion, quests are supposed to be heroic; Willow just wants to discover new flora. Junebug wouldn’t mind learning to fly like her namesake, and Shark wants her powers to fully develop at last. [Is this a query letter or the storyline of The Wizard of Oz II?]
None of these four goddesses are prepared for the truths and deceptions awaiting them in the mundane world of their home country. [What are these truths and deceptions? Why don't they know what's going on in their home country? Have they been on vacation?] Hikakanen, an ancient and evil god, has begun to stir trouble in the south. [Stir trouble? What's he doing, spreading rumors?]
Unless the goddesses can convince a young boy, who might be of the avatar race thought destroyed long ago, to use his powers [What are his powers?] against Hikakanen, all hope will be lost. [All hope of what?] [What if the kid isn't of the avatar race?] [Great message for all the teenage girls reading the book: Four goddesses are powerless to stop the villain, but a young boy can handle it.] [What I don't get is why the goddesses get to be in the book's title when their only contribution to saving the world is convincing someone else to do it.]
At 80,000 words, The Goddesses: Discovery is a fantasy for teens, focused on the enduring power of friendship.
Thank you for considering my work.
This is a list of characters followed by a lot of vagueness. What's the story? Be specific. Provide fascinating detail that makes us want to read the book.
If the book focuses on the enduring power of friendship, maybe the query should as well. I don't see anything about friendship. I don't see any indication that the characters even know each other.
What makes them think this boy is a member of a race they don't believe exists? And if they thought the race was so weak that it could be destroyed, what makes them think one child from that race is so powerful?