Monday, August 02, 2010
Guess the Plot
1. Honor Phelps was just a typical high school girl until a magic locket sent her back to the medieval era. Now she's a typical high school girl inhabiting the body of Eleanor of Aquitaine's personal bodyguard.
2. Gwyllim is a cripple, but he still dreams of joining a revered order of knights--if they'll have him. Then he learns that his cherished knights are plotting to destroy his cherished gods. How would an honorable knight handle this?
3. Jaka'el is a knightmare, a spirit haunting the dreams of sleepers and feeding off their emotional distress. Until one day when Jaka's sleeper dies in his sleep and Jaka takes over his body. He wakes up and finds out what it's like to be alive and married to the dead-man's beautiful wife. She loves the new change in her formerly dour husband. But will the other spirits let him stay in the real world?
4. Theodore Knight is a conman on the run from, well, everyone. But, if he can help save Australia's National Three-toed Platypus Preserve, maybe they'll believe he's gone straight long enough for him to steal enough money to buy an island and retire. Also, an ex-girlfriend mob-employed hitman.
5. Det. Kevin Knight and his partner, Det. Jack Wagner had an understanding, look after the other’s family if anything ever happened. Wagner didn’t mind taking on Knight’s only dependent, Crisco, the diabetic Schnauzer. And Knight didn’t mind taking care of Gwen and the kid. In fact he looked forward to it as he pulled the trigger. Little Honor Wagner would finally get to know her father.
6. Jennifer Knight has been a respected journalist for seventy years; but when her prints are found all over a mass-murder scene, some wonder how far she is willing to go for one last big story.
Dear Evil Editor,
Gwyllim, a crippled liege-knight, dreams of becoming a Knight of Incaris. The Shae – discredited guardians of the gods – have other plans. [Wouldn't it be kind of embarrassing to be gods and to need guardians?] [How do guardians of gods get discredited? Wait, I know, they lied on their resumes. They weren't qualified to be god guardians.]
Tricked [By whom?] into a vow to rescue Elica, a young woman with forbidden magic abilities, Gwyllim finds himself pitted against the Order he reveres. [Is Elica the knights' captive?] Suspicious of the Shea’s motives, [Their motives in what? Tricking him?] wary of Elica’s emerging shaman skills, and at risk of losing his prized knighthood, Gwyllim struggles with his sense of honor – until he discovers the Knights’ scheme to destroy the gods. [No wonder the gods need guardians. They can't defeat a few knights? Do the gods live on the planet with the knights?]
Aided by Elica and a renegade, half-mad Knight, Gwyllim must penetrate the Order’s citadel and steal back a Shae artifact before the gods die. [That doesn't quite make it clear that the gods won't die if Gwyllim steals the artifact. Changing "before" to "lest" would, but who says "lest" nowadays?]
Knight’s Honor, an heroic fantasy, is complete at 105,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Here's what I think the plot is: The Shae had some artifact, which we will call the cup, that allowed them to protect the gods' one weak spot, which we'll call their groin. The Knights of Incaris stole the cup, leaving the gods' groin vulnerable. A relatively useless guy decides to steal back the cup by recruiting another useless guy and a novice shaman, and storming the Knights' citadel. If they succeed, the gods' groin will be safe.
If that is your story, I would bring in the artifact earlier than the last sentence. Open something like this: For centuries the Shae have protected their inconceivably weak gods' Groin of Vulnerability with their mystical Cup of Vigilance. But now the incredibly powerful Knights of Incaris have stolen the Cup, and threaten to destroy the gods by attacking the Groin.
Gwyllim, a crippled liege-knight, has long dreamed of becoming a Knight of Incaris. But when he learns of the Knights' plot, he recruits a half-mad knight and a etc. etc. Somehow this ragtag trio of misfits must infiltrate the Knights' citadel and steal back the Cup; otherwise the people will have no puny and inconsequential gods to pray to.
If that isn't your story, you have even more work to do, because you're not conveying what happens with any clarity. Perhaps if you allowed yourself nine or ten sentences to summarize the story, rather than five, it would be clear to us.