Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Guess the Plot
1.Mad scientist Mungo Murphy blasts neutrinos into Jane's ear in an effort to change her mind. The frightful result is dominated by helium, hydrogen, and lithium.
2. Being clinically insane is really tough at any age, but for Kitty Larson, who is mentally unsound and getting worse every day, it's going to be next to impossible to make it through first grade.
3. At first, she thought mercury was the answer to everything, but then she switched to cobalt. Now ace homicide detective Zack Martinez knows he must find Pretty Poison -- before she kills again!!!
4. Abriel has powers beyond those of normal humans. Government bounty hunters are after her, so she leaves high school and takes a job babysitting child elementals at a camp run by vampires.
5. Heiress Lily Water finds herself falling in love--with Henry Lithium, scum of the Mafia. Some things, however, just weren't meant to be.
6. Fifth grader Tim Whirloo loves his bicycle more than anything, so it really annoys him when the new girl borrows it and -- flies it over the treetops! But when she returns at midnight with a map to the island where her sister is imprisoned by an evil wizard, Tim agrees to help.
Dear Evil Editor,
When everything feels like a secret, who can you trust? [That can go. It's vague, and I don't know what "everything feels like a secret" means, anyway.]
Abriel Jones, the protagonist of Elemental, is an average teenager. [I hate her already.] Her days are plagued by conceited boys and disloyal friends; her nights are riddled with insomnia and a mysterious visitor. On her seventeenth birthday, however, this relative normality is left behind [Are you saying the average teenager's nights are riddled with mysterious visitors? That this is normal?] when she sends her boyfriend flying across the room, and Drei—her mystery visitor—rescues her from two drunken thugs. [I knew there was a reason I never invite drunken thugs to my birthday parties.]
Once Abriel’s somewhat recuperated, [From what?] Drei explains that she’s an air elemental, [What is an air elemental, besides someone who can send her boyfriend flying across the room? Did she throw him across the room? Cause a sudden wind to blow him across? Think him across?] gives her reason to believe her parents are keeping a secret from her, and, after witnessing her carelessness, warns against the governmental bounty hunters. [Are we talking about the U.S. government?] After her own close encounter with a bounty hunter, she attempts forsaking her elemental gift. This results in her losing control at school and eventually taking the out Drei has offered her.
Thus, Abriel ends up babysitting at his vampire-run safe camp for young elementals, as she is the oldest. [I'll take my chances with the bounty hunters before I'll sign on to babysit at any kind of camp.] What she didn’t expect was the loneliness overwhelming her, that is, until Nick appears. His presence creates a rift, separating her from almost everyone else at the camp. Nick isn’t supposed to be there; he’s not an elemental, and having his family murdered by the government doesn’t help his case. [If he's not supposed to be there, why don't they throw him out?] But when she’s around him, Abriel isn’t so lonely, and her unknown future is as distant in her mind as it is in her life.
Nick has a secret, though. One that could ruin everything. With so many people and emotions on the line, can he find the courage to share it? [You've gone vague again. What's the secret, and what's on the line?]
The answer lies in Elemental. [Now I know what you meant by "everything feels like a secret."] While Elemental is the first in a proposed trilogy, it can also be a stand-alone novel with a few loose ends. Instead of focusing more on the characters as vampires and elementals, my novel explores the characters as people, [Actually, I'm much more interested in vampires and elementals than people, but maybe that's just me.] thus investigating the confusion found in finding oneself and falling in love, or trying not to.
May I submit this 50,000-word Young Adult novel for representation? Thank you for your time and consideration.
All the best,
What does the government want with Abriel, what's the purpose of the camp, and why is Nick there? Give us some details so we know what's going on and what's at stake.
Vague phrases like "investigating the confusion found in finding oneself" and the others already pointed out don't help your cause. If it's worth mentioning, it's worth being specific.