Sunday, February 01, 2009

Fake Query 5

I am seeking representation for my quirky, 90,000-word story, Christi Bell. Spunky, quirky fourteen-year-old Christi Bell is a girl with a problem. Heartbroken when her family moves from Gotham to a tiny town actually named Nowhere, North Carolina, (the name of which should say it all, but incredibly, doesn't), she does her best to fit in with the local kids in school, but they are a strange lot, given to mumbling in a tongue only tangentially related to the English language. Read about mumbling in a tongue only tangentially related to the English language.

The speech is better on the local radio stations, but the music, well, come the hell on. It's so hard to listen to she can't use the music to daydream her troubles away.

When she discovers a mysterious force controlling her classmates, she realizes she has bigger problems than the lack of a decent local radio station or having people to talk to. At first, her classmates strange behavior is innocuous enough. Read all about it. And even funny.

But one day, Christi finds mysterious vats of something smelly when she opens the door to the second floor storage closet to grab some extra erasers for Mr. Hatfield the English teacher, one of the few people who speaks her language. And when she comes back to the classroom, Mr. Hatfield is speechless, and looking at her funny. See the nightmare that threatens the world.

Then Christi Bell faces what no spunky fourteen-year-old girl should have to face; her life really has changed for the worse, and no amount of daydreaming is going to change it back for the better unless she can unearth the truth behind the weirdness of life in Nowhere, and turn it around. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

--Robin S.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey, you had me at "Christi Bell" so I do hope you use that name somewhere, for real!! I see you also converted the urls to enticing/ad style verbage. I guess my "old school" is showin'!! Anyway, this made me laugh right out of the box.

Meri

Sarah Laurenson said...

You ask for it, you get it, eh Robin? The man gave you the pole position you crave.

Great query. I'm almost afraid to see the YouTube nightmare, but I must go back and Click that Link.

Dave F. said...

I have to say, the movie clip is one of my favorites. Keven McCarthy should have received an Academy Award for that performance.

fairyhedgehog said...

This is truly wonderful, Robin. The links are brilliant little gems.

Robin S. said...

Yeah, Dave - that was a cool, cool movie. By the time I saw it, it was a late night rerun scary movie thing on Saturday Fright Nights on TV. Loved it. Still do.


Yeah, Sarah, I'm shocked I'm at the top, and I'm guessing it was because I sent mine in last, but hey, I'll take it.

I'm surprised more people didn't do this one - it was fun - maybe it was the idea of composing a query letter that did it? I remember panic mode last winter when Sparky first starting assigning query letters, but it actually helped me overcome my nsauseating fear, doing a couple of (hopefully) humorous ones, with no pressure.

pjd said...

Nice, Robin. I like the way you left it simply with the weird crisis at the end.

Personally, I like the fake query letters the best. I think they're just fun because you can make up stories that you'd really love to write but would never actually have the guts to try.