Face-Lift 1485

Guess the Plot

This Book Has No Title

1. That's right, no title. Also, no plot, no characters, no descriptions, no themes, no nothings. There are random letters jumbled on the pages for your amusement. Please give the lazy author lots of money.

2. This book has no plot! This plot has no characters! This book has no words!

3. When Elenore discovers her girlfriend's been murdered she tries to resurrect her but instead she accidentally summons a monster from outer space who only eats human flesh but it can't eat Elenore's dead girlfriend because it's trapped inside the corpse so Elenore has to go murder someone else and then it gets really complicated so now you know why I couldn't think of a better title.

4. As with every query posted here lately, the world is in danger of being destroyed, and it's up to one person, probably a teenaged girl, to save us all. But this book is different, because . . . This Book Has No Title.

5. Boy meets girl, boy gets girl, boy loses girls to jerk until girl wises up . . . it's the standard romance, but with a title so intriguing everyone will buy it to find out why there's no title.

Original Version

Dear [Full Name]

Seventeen-year-old Elenore should be studying to become her town’s first Asian valedictorian, not trying to resurrect her murdered girlfriend. Her plan goes awry when her terrible pronunciation [of a spell?] summons an injured eldritch creature from outer space. And it’s trapped inside her girlfriend’s body. [Does it just lie there inside the motionless corpse, or is it in control of the corpse, making it seem alive?] [Is Elenore a witch? What makes her think she can resurrect her girlfriend?]

Elenore is desperate to fix her mistake so she cuts the monster a deal—she'll help nurse it back to health. The monster must then vacate her girlfriend’s body [You wouldn't have to keep calling her "her girlfriend" if you'd given her a name in the first sentence. It's an easy fix, say "her murdered girlfriend, Chloe". Of course, this causes a new problem, namely that Chloe isn't the name you gave her, but that, too, is an easy fix: Just use the "replace all" feature to change her name to Chloe everywhere.] and return home once it’s healed. [The monster was summoned through accidental magic. There's no reason to believe it has the ability to travel through space to wherever it originated. Also, if the monster decides it wants to stay on Earth, it's not gonna leave just because it made a deal. It'll stay, and blame the language barrier.] Until that time comes, Elenore will feed the monster and ensure nobody else in town will learn the truth. [What is the truth?]

Now, Elenore balances the life of an awkward geek by day and animal hunter at night. [Why does she have to hunt animals? If the monster doesn't like fruits and veggies and pasta, there's plenty of meat available at the grocery store.] But when a sleep-deprived Elenore runs over someone with her car, the monster soon acquires a taste for human flesh. [Was she driving around with a monster/corpse in her car, killed a pedestrian, and her passenger got out and started chowing down? Or did she kill the pedestrian, throw it in the trunk, and drive it home to feed to the monster? In which case she now has two dead people to deal with.] [What happens when the cops arrive at the scene of the accident and discover the victim's legs have been eaten? (The legs are the best part.) (Or so I've heard.)] With it unwilling to eat anything else, Elenore is determined to find another way to appease its voracious appetite. Or she’ll have no choice but to actually murder someone. [She'll have another option: Not murdering someone. Her attempt to resurrect Chloe was a failure, so it's about time she phoned the authorities to come and get the body and take it to the morgue. Where the monster will have a steady influx of fresh human.]

UNTITLED is an (est. 80000)-word YA horror. It combines the eldritch horror of I Feed Her To The Beast And The Beast Is Me by Jamison Shea and the dark vibes of Don’t Let The Forest In by C.G. Drews. [My bio right here]. Thank you for your time and consideration. 

Notes

Is Elenore in her home when she finds the body? In Chloe's home? If not, where is she, that no one else has noticed the dead body? 

Wait, did Elenore murder Chloe, and then realize she was gonna be in big trouble, so that's why she's trying to resurrect her? A more normal reaction would be to remove any evidence that she was there, clear out, and hope the cops suspect someone else.

So many opportunities to make this a comedy, rather than horror. Or horror/comedy. It's like one of those episodes of I Love Lucy, where things go wrong and just snowball. Change her name from Chloe to Lucy.

Philosophical question: If a space monster inhabits a corpse, can it automatically speak the language the corpse spoke?

Face-Lift 1484

Guess the Plot

Obsidian

1. That's right, volcanic glass: the darkest natural substance known to man. This is your guide to collecting, polishing, and selling obsidian art. With a large appendix on volcanoes.

2. Jule is supposed to follow a prophesy to a mysterious black city in order to stave off a plague. The prophet is killed and the prophesy is nearly destroyed, but, fortunately, the court assassin heard the whole thing--he says, to keep from being executed. Two weeks from nowhere Jule is starting to have doubts.

3. The volcanic community of Obsidian has made sacrifices to the volcano god Boshalak for generations. Yet when the sacred flowers did not grow this year, Mala must find a new source before they start using human blood.

4. The only one who can prevent an invasion of Ferrol's homeland is its king, but he's under a curse and the only one who can end the curse is the sorceress who just freed Ferrol from his curse. Also, an obsidian dagger that can curse people.

5. Annie's horse, Obsidian, was entered in the big race by her father, who plans to bet the farm on him to win. But Obsidian has never raced before, and is just an old plow horse. Still, anything's possible in the wonderful world known as fiction. 

Original Version

Dear [Agent],

[Why this agent.]

OBSIDIAN is a dual-POV 98,000-word Adult Romantic Fantasy novel with the potential for a duology. The Bright Sword by Lev Grossman, with its Arthurian tragedy, meets the slow-burn romance and humor of The Undertaking of Hart and Mercy by Megan Bannen. The setting is inspired by the Hispano-American world. As per your guidelines, I’ve included [x] below. [This paragraph works better if you place it after the summary of your compelling plot. Especially as the agent may not have read those other titles.]

Hidden within a mesa, ensnared by cacti, sleeps an enchanted knight. [I don't see how cacti can grow inside a mesa. They need sunlight. Does the knight have air within the mesa? It must be a hollow mesa. Here's a picture of a mesa:

It doesn't have a door or windows, but maybe those are on the back.] Twenty-five years pass before Ferrol wakes. The world he fought for is in ruins, subjugated by a former ally and his magic army. [While I accept that in a world where there exists a magic army, anything is possible, it still seems a bit odd (though admittedly original) to choose encasement within a mesa as the curse you inflict upon someone. I guess if there are no nearby mountains or oceans or abandoned mines, and there's a handy mesa, it makes sense.]

They will invade Ferrol’s homeland next. The only person capable of leading a resistance is Ferrol’s king, whom he loves like a brother. But the king is now bedridden with a curse. [I'd much rather be cursed to lie in my bed all day, which I sometimes do even without a curse, than to be ensnared in cacti within a mesa for 25 years.] [I guess I'm just quibbling when I say that when I hear that a knight is enchanted, I'm more likely to think he's enchanted by a lovely damsel than by a witch or wizard, even though I know that "enchanted" and "cursed" both mean "under a spell." Also, ensnaring the knight in cacti would have been a good idea if you wanted him to be in constant pain, but if you're putting him to sleep for 25 years, the cacti were a waste. So was putting him within a mesa, except it prevents someone stumbling upon him and reviving him with a counter-enchantment.]

Only a sorcerer could lift the curse, and most are enslaved by the magic army. All except the fugitive sorceress who woke Ferrol. [Ah, so he was cursed to sleep forever, but after 25 years this fugitive sorceress stumbled upon him within the mesa.] Lea lives in exile with only her spite and bad puns for company. Ferrol convinces her that healing the king will grant her vengeance against her former captors, and true freedom. Although afraid, she comes out of hiding to travel through enemy territory. But even if Ferrol can deliver her to the castle, he will return to a sentence of execution everyone believes he ran from twenty-five years ago. [Or maybe they'll benevolently reduce his sentence to time served, on the grounds that he served it encased within a mesa.]

After grappling with his [Ferrol's] mortality, and accepting it, [Not clear why she's grappling or what that even means. Did she think he was immortal? Does she want to make him immortal? Or was it him doing the grappling, in which case we need to rework the sentence? Do we need this in the query?] Lea gives him a reason to live again. [Okay, now it sounds like he was grappling, so: As Ferrol grapples with his mortality, Lea gives him a reason to live again. Except, I was under the impression he already had an excellent reason to live, so maybe we should ditch this and start the paragraph here:] As they cross deserts and bayous, overcome soldiers and monsters, they find humor in their shared misfortunes. [Ferrol: I'm really hungry after crossing all these deserts. Lea: There's a bakery up ahead. It's called Just Desserts. Ferrol: <moan.>] Ferrol sees that Lea is braver than she realizes, more cunning. But her jokes are far worse than she gives herself credit for. [Ferrol: Will you be able to remove the king's curse? Lea: I think I may, suh. Get it? May suh--mesa! It's a call-back. Ferrol: <Groan.>] Love presents a choice Ferrol never considered: there’s his honor, his king, and death--or joy. Yet the magic army is surging behind them, washing over the earth. Soon it will drown everything. There’s no option for life, unless he and Lea destroy the army themselves. [What about the resistance that the king (and only the king) was supposed to lead? Now one knight and one sorceress are going to defeat a magic army by themselves? If they do, it'll be because Lea's magic is far more powerful than the magic army's, and she doesn't even need Ferrol. It's like when Superman and Batman team up against some villain, and the comic book writer tries to convince us that Batman's role is vital to the operation, when in fact Superman could have done it all more efficiently by himself.]

OBSIDIAN is my first novel. I’m a Mexican immigrant, and lived undocumented for twenty years. [I hesitate to print this, as Trump is an avid reader of this blog, but I'll assume you are now documented, and that he has no interest whatsoever in deporting documented immigrants.] I learned English by reading and writing. I wrote this manuscript and others during three consecutive pregnancies, finding time between wrestling pipsqueaks and being used as a human napkin. They usually won the wrestling matches. [I assume we're talking about the kids, and not their fathers.]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

[The title, Obsidian, comes from an obsidian dagger that places a curse on one of the characters.]

Notes

Is the magic army magic because all the other sorcerers, who they've enslaved, are forced to work with them? Seems like if Lea is powerful enough to take down this army, these other sorcerers would already have done so. Apparently the army has magic more powerful than the sorcerers.

It seems unlikely that Lea, living in exile and afraid to come out of hiding, would happen upon a knight encased within a mesa. Unless he has one of those Apple AirTags on his armor.

You say Lea came out of hiding to travel through enemy territory, but she and Ferrol are heading toward the king, and the magic army is surging behind them. So it seems enemy territory is behind them. Was her hiding place in enemy territory?

I'm not sure Lea's puns and jokes are important enough to be mentioned here.

The writing and organizing of the summary is well done. Most of my issues are with the plot, and are probably dealt with in the book. Possibly you can arrange for some of them to be clarified in the query, or just left out.

Face-Lift 1483

Guess the Plot

The Violet Raven

1. Ginnie's vision has expanded beyond the human norm into colors that only animals can see. But after she uses her ability to cheat on a standard exam, she's captured by a shadow organization run by bio-engineered animals who want her help to take over the zoo.

2. Painter Nigel Phipps leaves his calling card with a duke right before said duke is assassinated. Now he's on the run from the law for committing the crime, the assassin for taking credit, and the mob who want a few more jobs done. Unfortunately, not painting.

3. Evil mythological beings have risen, and according to prophecy they will achieve dominance over the land unless they are stopped by one girl who has suddenly developed unimaginable powers.

4. Ravens are generally black. Sometimes you can find albino ones, even a mix. However, Josie does not know what to do when a violet one starts following her and speaking in tongues.

5. In this sequel to the famous poem, the raven, having driven the poet to utter despair and madness, flies off. But will it find other victims to torment? Evermore!

Original Version

I’m seeking representation for my 130,000-word historical fantasy romance novel, THE VIOLET RAVEN: a story of forbidden love, reincarnation, and Irish mythology set against the backdrop of 19th-century Celtic Nations in 1823. [In one sentence you've managed to tell me why you're writing to me, your word count, three genres you've blended, your book's title, three main themes of the book, where it takes place, and when it takes place, and you did all that in far fewer words than I used in this sentence. Yet somehow, my sentence is riveting, while yours made my eyes roll up inside my head. Can we reduce the word count of your sentence (and your book, but we'll get to that later)? I guess we don't need the word "novel," since you call it a story and it's 130,000 words. And we don't need "historical," because it's set in 1823. We don't need "19th century" because we know what century 1823 happened in. We could change "against the backdrop of" to "in" which saves three words and sounds less like something AI came up with. Let's move the paragraph to the end of the the query and drop "I'm seeking representation for my." So, we summarize the plot and then say: The Violet Raven, a 130,000-word romantasy set in 1823, is a standalone novel and the first book in my planned Warriors of the Raven Queen series. Note that I left out the three themes, because they are all mentioned in your plot summary, which the agent will have just read. I also left out the Celtic Nations, which are also in the summary, and besides, at least half of the query is set in Portugal.] The first in my Warriors of the Raven Queen series, it blends lush atmosphere with richly detailed history. [This sentence can go, as the series is now mentioned in the previous sentence, and your detailed history is mentioned in your final paragraph.]

 

When mysterious attackers descend on her family’s estate, Triona Sinclair’s life is torn apart. Her parents sacrifice themselves to prevent her capture, knowing she is crucial to a prophecy that could grant unimaginable power to the Fomorians—a long-banished race of destructive beings from Irish mythology. Fleeing for her life, Triona embarks on a dangerous quest to Portugal alongside her brothers, Callan and Casey, her childhood friend Finn, and the enigmatic Bran. Before their deaths, her parents revealed the existence of allies in Portugal who could provide vital answers about the prophecy and her role in stopping the Fomorians' rise. As she bonds with this unlikely found family, Triona uncovers the truth about her lineage and the prophecy: the Fomorians, awakened by centuries of conflict across the Celtic Nations, need her powers to return to dominance. As the Fomorians’ power grows, Triona’s own abilities—rooted in her past lives and deeply tied to the natural world—begin to awaken, forcing her to confront her destiny and the sacrifices it demands. Torn between the trauma of her loss, the growing connections with her companions, and the weight of her powers, Triona must decide how far she’s willing to go [find a way] to stop the Fomorians and protect the world from their destructive return. 

 

Finn MacGregor has always kept his feelings for Triona hidden, relying on the Sinclairs for more than just a place in their community—they are the family he never had after escaping an abusive household at fifteen. But when Triona’s life is upended by tragedy and her powers begin to emerge, Finn finds himself drawn into her fight. [Apparently they are back from Portugal.] Determined to protect her from those who would exploit her gifts—and from the Fomorians themselves—Finn must choose whether to risk his heart for the woman he loves or remain in the shadows [even] as the world around them [threatens to] collapses. [This paragraph feels out of place. Once you've built up to possible world destruction, I no longer care about Finn's secret feelings of love for his childhood friend. Maybe after the first two sentences of the previous paragraph, insert this paragraph (abridged to omit Triona's powers/gifts).]

 

 

Early readers have compared THE VIOLET RAVEN [will appeal] to [readers who enjoyed] A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas and The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon, praising its emotionally charged romance, richly developed world-building, and evocative storytelling. I have spent considerable time researching 19th-century Celtic Nations and Gaelic folklore to ensure the narrative’s historical  rigor and immersive world-building [accuracy]. [Sorry, it was sounding like AI again.]

 

Thank you very much for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

 

Notes

You hint that there are those besides the Fomorians who would exploit Triona's gifts. What are these gifts? They're apparently capable of making the Fomorians powerful enough to take over the world, but you are keeping them secret from us?

Her parents sacrificed themselves, not to save their three children, but because one of their children, according to some (ancient?) prophecy, would have unimaginable power that could be used by some mythical characters. Was this prophecy uttered by a reliable prophet who specifically mentioned the Sinclair family's first-born child, or was it one of those vague prophecies spoken by a violet raven that said: Centuries from now a child shall be born in Ireland or Wales or Scotland, who might one day thwart the rise of the evil ones. Or not. Either way, as mom and dad died only to save Triona, we can leave Callan and Casey out of the query. Also the enigmatic Bran. None of them does anything. 

Start a new paragraph after "the Fomorians' rise."

I don't find Triona's decision or Finn's choice to be compelling. It's obvious what each should do, which is why I suggested the minor changes at the end of each plot paragraph.

Face-Lift 1482

Guess the Plot

Smoke Dancing

1. Vegas. 1976. Casinos, hustlers, cry babies, the mob. Yeah, that.

2. Alistair Ridley is a "smoke jumper": he parachutes into wildfires to rescue those trapped by the flames. But his real passion is ballet. Faced with a blaze whose path shifts and twirls with the wind, can he teach ten survivors the choreography that will lead them to safety?

3. Smoke. Dancing. What more do I need to say to get you to read my book?

4. As usual, it's up to one young girl to save the world, this time from the vile men who've imprisoned all the women in the world and slaughtered all the men who stood against them. Should take her a couple days.

5. Combine Smoke & Mirrors with Dirty Dancing and what do you get? My book, along with its sequel, Dirty Mirrors

Original Version

Dear [agent],

The last of the free girls has cherished a life outside of Tlaloc’s mud walls for as long as she can remember. So far, the Kinsmen have been easy to fool, dressed as she is in boy’s clothing.

But when her first blood day betrays her disguise, she becomes easy prey for the Kinsmen stalking her. [This makes it sound like they were already stalking her, but couldn't find her until her body gave her away. Hard to believe they were devoting any manpower to finding one girl who doesn't even live inside their city.]

Luckily for the girl and her boy companion, some gods still take pity on wretchlings. After a mysterious entity they call the pale one rescues them from the Kinsmen’s vile clutches, the girl seeks a vengeance commensurate with his godlike powers.

Even so, the pale one’s strange magic won’t be enough to survive a fight with the Kinsmen head-on. Instead, they’ll have to be clever: infiltrate the city, free the women and the mutilated boy slaves, kill as many Kinsmen as possible. Escape.

But the Kinsmen have not successfully rounded up the world’s remaining women and girls and slaughtered all who once stood against them by sheer luck alone. [Is this a subtle allegory describing what's gonna happen to America the next four years?] And they certainly won’t roll over for one determined girl and her pitiful boy companion, even with some outlandish godling at their side.

Now, trapped within the city’s walls, the boy lost, the pale one no longer what he seems, the girl must think fast to stay alive. Even faster if she wishes to fulfill her reckless undertaking and liberate all those the Kinsmen hold captive.  [So they succeeded in part one of their clever plan, infiltrate the city, but failed to liberate anyone, kill anyone, or escape. And now, with the boy  captured, mutilated, and enslaved, and the godling having turned out to be an illusionist, the girl, who's probably about fourteen, and has no special powers we know about, is on her own. It seems hopeless, but . . . ]  [I wouldn't mind a bit more about how she's planning to get out of this than just by thinking fast. And even faster.]

Then again, she wasn’t the last of the free girls for nothing. 

She knows sometimes a single cut is all it takes—if one only knows where to slip the blade.

SMOKE DANCING is a novel of literary fiction that mixes elements of Southern Gothic, Magic Realism, and soft sci-fi. The novel runs 86,000 words. I envision it on the shelf alongside Tender is the Flesh by Augustina Bazterrica and Black Sun by Rebecca Roanhorse. 

I currently live in [City], California with my wife and seven-month-old son. I received an MFA in Creative Writing from [University] in 2013.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Notes

Agent: Who are your main characters?

You: The last of the free girls (a wretchling), her pitiful boy companion (another wretchling), the pale one (a godling), and some Kinsmen.

Agent: I meant, what are their names?

You: Those are their names.

Reasons not to mention anyone's name in your query:

1. No one has a name in the book. (It's the cool thing you do that makes this literary fiction.)

2. After seeing you named your city "Tlaloc," your auto-correct refused, for your own good, to let you further embarrass yourself with the unpronounceable character names you'd chosen. For instance, every time you typed V'lechh-Quph'ht, it changed it to Emily.

Are the Kinsmen all kin of each other, or can any male earn his way into Kinsmanship? The girl apparently had friends who were boys when she was younger, so at what point and how is it decided which boys will become mutilated slaves, and which will become . . . Kinsmen? 

Just so I have it clear, all the women and girls in the world (save one) have been rounded up and are being held in one city that's surrounded by a mud wall? Either the city is the size of China and the wall is the size of the Great Wall, or the population of this world is minuscule.

This is too long, but maybe not by much; it would seem shorter if there weren't so many paragraphs. Like if you tacked P2 onto P1, and P4 onto P3 and P8 onto P7. 

If I'm a Kinsman, and I know we've already rounded up the world's remaining women and girls, and already slaughtered all who once stood against us, I'm exhausted, and ready to sit back and relax for a few decades, and when some wannabe leader tells me he thinks there's one more girl we missed, and orders me to track her down, I'm cracking open a cold beer and saying, Track him down yourself, asshole.

Feedback Request

The author of the book featured in Face-Lift 1468 would like feedback on the following version of the query.

Dear Agent,

Seventeen-year-old thief Dex would steal from a blind beggar if it meant securing her sister’s freedom from the brothel. But when her latest steal is a letter, it promises gold for completing a delivery from a mysterious benefactor. Hoping for a fresh start, Dex completes the task, only to learn the benefactors are cold-blooded assassins. [That sounds okay, but it raises some questions, the answers to which are probably in the book, but I'll ask them anyway. When Dex reads the letter she stole, how does she know the person she stole it from wasn't in the process of making the delivery, wasn't carrying the item to be delivered? How does she know he didn't deliver the item two days ago, and still has the letter? Does the letter specify what the item is, where to pick it up and where to take it? If so, is her plan to just walk into some den of thieves waving the letter and say, "I'm here to pick up the item," not knowing whether the item was already picked up? When you send a letter to Bob, saying pick up X from Y and bring it to Z, either Y or Z or both will expect Bob to show up, and when Dex shows up instead, it's not going to go well for her. Surely she should realize this. And Bob, having "lost" the letter, will contact Y or Z to get the info in the letter, assuming he didn't memorize it. Also, if I were a thief I'd be stealing money, not letters, and if I accidentally stole a letter, thinking in was cash, I' probably toss the letter in the trash without reading it. All of which is to say, maybe it's better (in the query, if not the book) to just say that a stranger approaches Dex and offers her some gold coins to make a delivery.]

She’s then forced to do another job–steal a powerful artifact, one that will awaken the god of shadows. Tristan is her ruthless mentor, and Dex doesn’t trust him. He’s too secretive, enough to question his loyalties—yet despite her better judgment, she feels a dangerous pull toward him. [I don't think mentor is the right word. He sounds like her babysitter/chaperon, sent to make sure she doesn't betray them. Why didn't they just send Tristan to steal the artifact, and kill Dex, who now knows too much about them?]

Trying to complete the task, Dex learns that if she’s successful, she risks unleashing a power that could enslave the kingdoms. If she refuses, the assassins will make her sister pay the price. Caught between betrayal and deceit, Dex must decide whether to trust Tristan and finish the job, or risk everything to defy the assassins and save the only family she has left.

Mix Assassin’s Creed with Pride and Prejudice to get BROKEN VOWS AND STOLEN HEARTS (92,000) a YA romance fantasy. [Are we supposed to believe the ruthless Tristan, who she doesn't trust, is her romantic interest?] This standalone novel has series potential [as it will be followed by a mix of Emma with World of Warcraft, and Sense and Sensibility with Grand Theft Auto,] and will appeal to readers who like Heartless Hunters by Kristen Ciccarelli and One Dark Window by Rachel Gillig.

I write from my lair in Utah, am an active member of League of Writers, and have professionally edited and written for many years. In my spare time, I either travel or bookbind. 

Thank you for your time and consideration

Notes

You say Dex's choice is between finishing the job or saving her sister. But it sounds to me like finishing the job is the way to save her sister (from the bad guys who otherwise will make her sister pay, not from the god of shadows). If she doesn't steal the artifact, won't they just find another thief to do it? Are Dex and her sister residents of the kingdoms that will be enslaved once the bad guys get the artifact? The only solution seems to be to steal the artifact and destroy it while her ruthless lover Tristan rescues her sister.

Face-Lift 1481

Guess the Plot

The Book of Stolen Ideas

1. Mason Thomas has written a book in which he plagiarizes the ideas of hundreds of philosophers. He titles it My Thoughts on Humankind, but his editor, in a rejection letter, suggests a better title.

2. Angel hair pasta. Air fryers. Cell phones. Caramel popcorn. These are just a few of the great ideas Norm Fleeg came up with only to discover someone else beat him to it. Nobody better steal his latest idea, a sundial you wear on top of your head.

3.Time travelers are using their power for nefarious reasons, like maybe going to the future and stealing ideas, and Perry Van Winkle doesn't like it. So he starts an agency to police these criminals, but it's really hard to jail someone who can disappear into the future and return with a lethal ray gun.

4. When archaeologist Richard Fox discovers an ancient tome in a Roman crypt, he realizes that the veracity of the New Testament is about to be thrown into question. Unless he destroys the book. Is revealing the truth worth it if it destroys an entire religion? Rhetorical question, of course it is.

5. Erwin Ivy works in the patent office, on the side copying down every money making invention ever into a little booklet that's going to make him a zillionaire in the parallel dimension he found. 

Original Version

Dear Evil Editor,

Having traveled time [time-traveled] the majority of his life, Perry Van Winkle can be [is] sure of one thing: man is made for the present. 

Not the past. And most definitely not the future.
 
It’s the reason he’s founded the Berlin Corner Espionage: a network of people with like-abilities to police the illegitimate practices of time travel. ["The Berlin Corner Espionage" doesn't sound right. I can't tell if "Corner" goes with Berlin or with Espionage. And "The" doesn't go with espionage. "Time Enforcement Commission" (TEC) was already used in the movie Timecop.

How about: It's the reason he’s founded TIME (Time-travel Interception, Management, & Enforcement). You can have that free of charge.] [When you say "people with like-abilities," do you mean the ability to time-travel? In other words, time traveling is a super power only a few people have, rather than something someone invented?] But just as time cannot be controlled, neither can those who play with it. [If the agents of TIME can't control those who abuse time travel what can they do?] A long-lost object that has the potential to control the future [You just said time cannot be controlled. Now you say there's an object that can control the future.] has resurfaced into the hands of Perry Van Winkle’s nemeses, Lionel and Estella Clyborne, and they’re willing to do whatever it takes to break the barrier between ‘now’ and ‘then’: killing their rebellious and estranged son, Dristle; holding captive their prized daughter, Nadya, whose dreams can predict the future; and most importantly, forcing Perry Van Winkle to plunge into the gnarled rabbit hole that is his past. [I don't see how the first two items on that list break the barrier between now and then.]

The Book of Stolen Ideas (78,000 words) is a speculative fiction novel intended for adults. Similar to novels, such as Paradox Bound by Peter Clines, this book has gothic twists and multiple perspectives.

This would be my debut novel. I am native to XXX and currently work in webinar and video production. In my spare time, I enjoy running, cooking, and, much like the characters in my book, playing musical instruments, including piano, flute, and clarinet. [The clarinet inevitably gets drowned out by the brass section. Sell yours on eBay and get a drum set.]

Thank you for your consideration.

Notes

Say you're interested in which stocks are going to go up, or who's gonna win the Super Bowl in 2050. Holding Nadya captive, waiting for her to have a dream about the stock market or the 2050 Super Bowl, and forcing her to tell you what happens, seems less efficient than just sending a time traveler to the future to see what happens and report back. 

The Clybornes have an object that can control the future, but that doesn't seem relevant to their goal of breaking the barrier between now and then. What future event do they want to control with this object? You did start by saying man is most definitely not made for the future. What's the worst-case scenario if the Clybornes use their object to control the future?

Rip Van Winkle was confused and out-of-place when he woke after 20 years. Possibly he felt man was not made for the future. Does Perry go into the future and feel this way? I don't see another reason to use the name Van Winkle, other than to highlight this theme, but it seems heavy-handed to use that name for that reason. We should get the theme without your help. What you've told us about the plot doesn't suggest this is a modern retelling of Rip Van Winkle.

Once you've introduced Perry Van Winkle, you may henceforth refer to him as Perry (or Van Winkle), rather than use his full name. Presumably, in your book, you don't always say Perry Van Winkle.

Did you steal the idea for this book, or is there a book of stolen ideas in this book?

Were the Clybornes Perry's nemeses before he became a timecop? It seems like Perry acquires these nemeses awfully fast after opening his business. Someone find out if Lex Luthor was referred to as Superman's nemesis the first time he appeared in a Superman comic. My sense is that you have to be a recurring character to be a nemesis. Otherwise you're an adversary.