Face-Lift 1459

Guess the Plot

Christophina's Wings

1. Fallen angel Christophina joins the air force for the opportunity to fly once more ... just in time for Armageddon. Christophina must pick a side before her past catches up with her. But she really only wants to fly. Also kiwis. 

2. Christophina gets a full back tattoo of a beautiful pair of wings covering the entirety of her back. She's sure her boyfriend will love it . . . until she finds the feathers under her shirt.

3. Thanks to Christophina's prize-winning barbecue sauce recipe, Christophina's Wings is the hottest restaurant in town . . . until Bud Wilkins opens his hot wings and drumsticks joint right across the street. Now Christy must decide: add thighs to her menu, sabotage Bud's sauce . . . or murder him.

4. Invited to a swank party, Christophina, a working-class woman, creates a pair of wings to wear. Maybe the wings will get her noticed by a rich, famous guy, who'll sweep her off her feet. It works! But what will happen when the guy returns to his home on planet Earth?

5. Angel Christophina is tasked by God to lead the three kings to Bethlehem. Along the way she gets lost and separated from the kings, leaving them to navigate by looking at a star, which is obviously impossible, but luckily Christophina finds them just in time to complete their journey. 

Original Version

Dear Evil Editor:

Christophina lives on Celestia, a luxurious playground for the spacefaring wealthy, miles above the surface of the Earth. For people like her who work the menial jobs to support that luxury, it’s not so glamorous. In her tiny apartment in the heaviest of gravities, she escapes her service worker life by immersing herself in StarCity, a virtual world where she can create and explore without limits.

Through her creations on StarCity, Christophina earns a ticket to a swank party on Celestia where the elite mingle. There she meets Ethan—rich, famous, gorgeous, and with a British accent she can’t resist. One stolen kiss later, she’s swept off her feet into a world of sumptuous pleasures beyond her wildest imaginings. [Wait, exactly what kind of "service worker" is she?] [Also, I don't think the menial job workers at fancy resorts have any trouble imagining the sumptuous opulence enjoyed by those whose dining tables and bathrooms they clean. They're surrounded by it.] Ethan inspires and encourages her to take her creativity out of StarCity and into places she hadn’t dared to try. [That suggests she could have tried them if she had dared. Which seems unlikely. I'd call them places she never dreamed she'd experience.] [I doubt a maid (or whatever) could get away with skipping her work shift to partake of the paying customers' luxuries. I mean, if I spent $200,000 for a vacation on Celestia, I'd be pretty pissed if I couldn't get into the orgasmatron because all the janitors were lined up to use it.]

It would be easy to fall in love with Ethan, but Christophina knows she mustn’t. He won’t be on Celestia for long, and when he goes back to Earth, she won’t be able to follow. [Why not? Does he want her to?] But how will she go back to her modest life just as she’s learning to spread her wings? [That's not the dilemma she should be having. She and Ethan have bonded, and they need to find a way to be together on Earth or Celestia. Which may mean she needs to find a way to make him realize this.]  

CHRISTOPHINA’S WINGS is a 63,000-word science fiction romance for your consideration. Thank you for your time.

Note: The title comes from the wings that Christophina creates both virtually for her StarCity shop and physically for her to wear to the party. 

Notes

I'm sure it's explained in the book how something done in a virtual world earns you a ticket to a party with the rich and famous, but in the query it feels like a gimmick to get Cinderella to the ball. Maybe if we leave StarCity out of the query there'll be more room for the romance aspect, which seems more important than the science fiction aspect. (Maybe call it a futuristic romance, rather than a science fiction romance.) Here's a shorter version of the first two paragraphs, leaving you room for building up the romantic angle.

Christophina lives on Celestia, a luxurious playground for the spacefaring wealthy, miles above the surface of the Earth. For people like her who work the menial jobs to support that luxury, it’s not so glamorous. So she's thrilled to receive an unexpected invitation to a swank party where the elite mingle. There she meets Ethan—rich, famous, and gorgeous, with a British accent she can’t resist. One stolen kiss later, she’s swept off her feet into a world of sumptuous pleasures. 

The third paragraph starts off okay, but the last sentence could be something more like: Unless . . . dare she hope Ethan wants/feels/will . . . whatever.