Houston and the Asteroid Pirates
1. Major Tom calls to ground control. The stars look very different today. Pirates among the stars and he is only in a tin can. What is he to do?
3. Centuries ago the entire city of Houston was refitted as a generation starship. While refueling from an asteroid belt in the Cthulhu system, they encounter their first alien life--in the form of giant wombats with sharp teeth and piratical lawyers.
4. In this alternate history/sci-fi novel, General Sam Houston receives unexpected aid from a passing force of renegade aliens, whose precision planetoid bombardment destroys Santa Anna's army and thus saves the Alamo. A century and a half later, President Davy Crockett IV dedicates a space center in the city named in Houston's honor, and regular history resumes.
5. Thanks to global warming, the first-ever category 7 hurricane strikes Houston, Texas, flooding the entire city. As residents wait for waters to recede, thinking things can't get any worse, suddenly the city comes under attack by looting space pirates. Some cities just can't catch a break.
6. When Houston starts a rock band, it's not the music that draws the crowds, it's the band members' costumes--only those aren't costumes. Can Houston get these aliens hooked on living the life before they succeed in turning Earth into another asteroid belt?
Original Version
Dear Evil Editor,
HOUSTON AND THE ASTEROID PIRATES is an MG sci-fi adventure novel inspired by Andy Weir’s The Martian, but friendly to a younger audience. [I don't think MG readers would find The Martian unfriendly.] [Though they might be as disappointed as I was to find that the Martian is an Earthling.]
Houston lives on Ceres Research Station with his family and friends. Yep, his home is an asteroid. He’s one of only fourteen people who can say that.
Cue asteroid pirate Bonny Rogers. She didn’t set out to be a pirate, but when her pops starts wearing the costume—complete with a plastic cutlass [, eye patch, peg leg, and hook] —and ordering her around, what’s an eleven-year-old girl supposed to do? She plays along.
Houston isn’t sure which is worse, being stranded at home with a broken leg while everyone else gets to go out and do the fun stuff, [Like trying to see who can survive the longest without air, or who can keep from floating off into space due to the minuscule gravity.] or getting babysat by his little brother and Ceres Station’s AI. But when Bonny and her pops attack, it’ll take all his creativity and determination to save his home—and keep his pirate-infatuated brother from changing sides. [In other words: Arrrrgh, Houston, we have a problem.]
Complete at 40,000 words, Houston and the Asteroid Pirates will appeal to fans of Stuart Gibb’s [Gibbs's] Space Case or Tom Angleberger’s Fuzzy.
My childhood dreams were split between becoming an astronaut or [a pirate.] an author; with this book I got to do both. I am a full-time dad, devourer of words, and avid Ultimate (Frisbee) player. I won the 2016 Baen Fantasy Adventure Award with my short story “The Lavender Paladin.” [For a second I was afraid you were gonna brag that you won the 2016 Baen Ultimate (Frisbee) Tournament.]
Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Notes
This seems more like Home Alone in space than The Martian. But while the villains in Home Alone were incompetent, they were at least a threat. A guy in a pirate costume with a plastic cutlass and an 11-year-old kid don't sound that threatening. Maybe it would help to know why and with what they're attacking this research station, and what will happen if they succeed, because right now it just sounds like a guy playing a game called pirates and astronauts with his daughter.
If there are only fourteen people who can say their home is an asteroid, I doubt the occupation "asteroid pirate" would exist. How long would the dread pirate Roberts have lasted if there'd been only one ship to plunder for booty?
Does the pirates' spaceship come complete with a plank?
Book titles should be italicized.
5 comments:
I don't get the tone of this.
Is anything at stake? Can anyone die? Are they playing a game or has her father actually lost his mind?
Is there any reason this needs to be set in space? The way it reads now, a boy is home sick with his little brother when a crazy man dressed in a cheap Halloween pirate costume suddenly shows up and "attacks," whatever that entails. Couldn't it be set almost anywhere? If not, why not?
This sounds like an interesting story. One difficulty I had with the query, though, is that Bonny Rogers comes across as a more interesting character than Huston. Huston lives on an asteroid, but Bonny also lives on an asteroid (I assume, since her introduction comes with the mention of the other asteroid dwellers) AND her dad is a crazy guy who thinks he's a pirate.
I don't think you need to change your character, just your focus. Perhaps you could introduce Bonnie after you mention that Huston is trapped by his broken leg- and emphasis that he IS trapped. As the query reads now, the broken leg makes Huston sound even more boring in comparison to Bonny. He's stuck at home while all his friends all go have fun. Bonny's doing cool stuff with her pirate dad.
The story sounds like it's going to be a fun romp, but at the moment, I don't think the stakes for Huston are really coming through. Best of luck!
In addition to what EE said, I do wonder how far away everyone else is, and why Houston doesn't send an S.O.S. when there's a problem (or why the A.I. doesn't if it's programmed to be responsible enough to take care of him).
It would also be nice to know how Houston is planning to defend the station
Houston lives on asteroid Ceres Research Station with his family and friends, one of fourteen people who do. (Adverbs aren’t our friends. Tend to weaken the verb.)
Bonny Rogers didn’t set out to be a pirate, but when her Pops (? As in father?) starts wearing the costume—complete with a plastic cutlass—and ordering her around, what’s an eleven-year-old girl supposed to do? Play along? What is the relationship between Houston and Bonny?
Houston isn’t sure which is worse, stranded at home with his broken leg, getting babysat by his little brother and Ceres Station’s AI but his real problem is he could lose his home and be sent to... (with his brother or without?) When Bonny and her Pops (?) attack, Houston wants to save his home—and keep his pirate-infatuated brother from changing sides. (What sides? Why the attack?)
Complete at 40,000 words, Houston and the Asteroid Pirates will appeal to fans of Stuart Gibb’s [Gibbs's] Space Case or Tom Angleberger’s Fuzzy. (I don’t care about this, don’t know who they are, maybe an agent knows and cares.)
I won the 2016 Baen Fantasy Adventure Award with my short story “The Lavender Paladin.”
Hi,
This is all too loose/goose for me. Vague connections, didn’t explain why could he lose his home. Or I couldn’t figure that out.
My best advice is tighten, tighten, tighten. Nail it down instead of pulling stuff out of the plot and shoving that down on the page/screen. Coherence, each step affecting the next, not random. Find the direction in the query.
I really don’t get Bonny and pops/Pops attacking, maybe I am obtuse. Play fight? Real? With plastic? I don’t see any reason/agenda for Bon to attack unless in fun/play. If a real attack, why? Are they classmates, neighbors, cousins? I am missing a common thread linking all together. What “other” side? It read rather benign but the stakes are high (relocation) which didn’t come across to me.
Toughest writing ever, the query.
Wilkins MacQueen
The concept is charming and the character’s personal dilemma feels organic to the situation as well as funny (of *course* bro wants to join the pirates!).
The segue to Bonny is so abrupt it’s not really a segue at all. Can you make it smoother by introducing a reason for Bonny’s interest in Houston’s asteroid? (“Even though Ceres is 90 per cent gold, Houston isn’t rich – if he started chipping off nuggets, Ceres would lose balance and fly out of orbit. But that little fact doesn’t bother eleven-year-old asteroid pirate Bonny Rogers…”)
The broken leg is also out of nowhere. Wrap it into the cause and effect? (“When Bonny and her pops attack, only Houston is at home, thanks to a broken leg.”)
It sounds younger than MG – like the chapter books 6-7-8-year-olds are reading. Mine would probably love it.
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