Guess the Plot
The Burnt State
1. The Empire is the greatest endeavor in the history of man. Now someone wants to burn down the whole thing. Eldritch was preventing this, but he's given up so it's up to his granddaughter. But what can one six-year-old do?
2. Someone is setting forest fires in Idaho then harvesting the burnt wood to sell as charcoal. The governor enlists the over five thousand members of the American Pawnbrokers Association to investigate and apprehend the perpetrator. But they refuse because they are getting charcoal at a huge discount.
3. Lia is immortal thanks to her phoenix blood giving her the chance to rise from her ashes every 80 years or so. Problem is, her ashes are always transported to a different country and it's a bummer to have to learn new languages and fit in to some weird culture when she has no money or identity there. At the moment she's really loving access to indoor plumbing and smart technology in beautiful Tuscany and so frankly is doing anything to avoid...the burnt state.
4. A pyrokinetic vampire must team up with an asthmatic djinn to save the state barbecue competition after a freak tornado rips through the largest firework show in Oklahoma history. Can ya'll say "firenado"?
5. No longer able to stand the overpriced world of Los Angeles, firefighteer Jessica Maclain moves to Abilene, Texas. But when the drought triggers a massive firestorm, her old captain begs her to return to...the Burnt State.
6. Five medical students at a small New England university do experimental laser neurosurgery on themselves to see if they can make themselves smarter. The laser treatments turn them into geniuses, but the effects are temporary. They persist with the experiment, amaze their professors, and go around town claiming they're a coven of vampires. Their brains are starting to fry.
Dear Evil Editor,
Eldritch Ramsay is not going to let his grandson die.
He's going to give in and let the Empire, the greatest and most unselfish endeavour in the history of man, burn.
Let the heroes and patriots save it if they can. [Why is that three paragraphs instead of one?] [It's vague. I'd be more interested if I knew specifically what's going on. Apparently someone has told Eldritch, I will kill your grandson unless you let us burn the Empire. Which leads me to ask, How is this one guy preventing those with the power to burn the entire Empire from doing so? It's like the Death Star shows up to destroy her planet, and Princess Leia tells Darth Vader, Don't do it, and he, instead of laughing and just doing it, says, Either you allow me to do it, or I kill Luke.]
On the other side stands Indy Ramsay, his granddaughter. The best of the aforementioned patriots, in heart if not in proven ability.
Many over few. Always. The greater good. Always. This is what her grandfather has taught her. [If I'd known her grandfather was Spock I would have gone with a Star Trek example instead of Star Wars.] ALWAYS.
She will live by it. She will fight, and prove herself worthy of the Empire and the validation that was denied her.
She will ensure the survival of the Empire, Ever Eternal, at any cost. [Who is she, Supergirl? Unless this is a world where disputes between empires are settled by champions in cage matches, I don't see how this one girl/woman fighting can ensure anything.]
Then what if the cost be Eldritch? [The greater good. ALWAYS. She will live by it. Eldritch is screwed.]
THE BURNT STATE is a fantasy novel, complete at 112,000 words. I am an anonymous voice speaking to you from the ether. [I'll do the jokes, if you don't mind.] This is my first novel (If voices can be said to have novels)
Thank you for your time and consideration.
The whole thing is vague. What makes the Empire so great? Who wants to burn the Empire, and why? What's stopping them? It sounds like grandpa has been stopping them, but how? How old is Indy?
It sounds like Indy is the main character. Start with her. Tell us about this validation she was denied. List her super powers. Then tell us how she plans to accomplish her main goal, and what goes wrong. What's her big decision when the moment of truth arrives?
We're more interested in your story than your theme. If you describe the plot well, we'll figure out what the theme is.