Brenda Novak Auction were rejected, and I'm forced to conduct my own auction, which, like Brenda's, will run throughout the month of May.
Here are a few of the items up for bid, just to whet your appetites.
Solid gold Egyptian funerary mask of pharaoh who resembled Evil Editor.
Trust me. Nothing can inspire you to finish that novel like a death mask hanging in front of your computer, especially when that death mask looks a lot like your nemesis, Evil Editor.
Transportation, food, lodging not included.
*Evil Editor's appearance at conference subject to availability.
A critique of your application to compete on Hell's Kitchen.
Not every heavy-smoking, loudmouthed emotional wreck makes the cut. Let Evil Editor help you book your personal 3 months of abuse.
*Winning bidder not guaranteed to appear on show.
Bad enough that dust gets in the cracks between the keys, but if you're a regular at EE's blog, you've probably spewed coffee on the keyboard a few times. Let me get your keyboard looking like new.
It's one thing, having to think of all those names for fictional characters in your books. But your will needs names of actual people. I'm talking about people who are going to get your best stuff unless you stop them by specifically leaving that stuff to Evil Editor.
#27 in Picasso's Evil Editor series.
I promise to do all my barfing over the side if you promise not to bring your unpublished novel aboard.
An evaluation of a tweet.
Once you tweet, you look like a twit if you screwed up. Let Evil Editor turn your twitness into litness.
Help me create room in my bookcases for other books by authors who started phoning it in after first-book flukes.
Who knows? Maybe EE will show up and join you!
*EE unlikely to join you.
Give your living room a touch of sophistication and a splash of color.
*EE not responsible for rug burns resulting from spontaneous love-making sessions.
Nothing beats a soothing, relaxing bubble bath. Unless it's a soothing, relaxing bubble bath with your secret crush.