Why you don't get published.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Practice Query #9
Dearest Ms. Rogers:
May I massage your feet? Does your floor need waxing? Would you like a box of fine chocolate? If you said no to all of the above, then please take moment to read my query. It will delight you. This query will make it to the bestseller list, get a movie deal, and float forever in time.
It's a beautiful day outside and Kasee and Klaire are stocking shelves in their Granpappy's country store, Buck Country Beer Store. He's a fine man they think, and he funds their tattoo and plastic surgery requests, but jeez, when is going to stop stinking up the back room.
It's deer season and hairy, hungry men clamor at 4am to get into the store to get their grub. Sometimes they grab, but Kasee knows that a shotgun dance calms them down. Most of the men are harmless, but when Ted, one of their favorite guys, comes running out of the woods covered in blood, no one is sure whom to trust.
Ted falls, foaming at the mouth, into Klaire's wrinkled button down plaid shirt and dies. The Clockwork Shadow is in the woods again, and he's not going to stop eating hunters. Kasee and Klaire question the situation: should they tell the rude dudes to stay out of the woods, or let them be gone forever amongst the bloody trees? They also wonder how a shadow can eat flesh, and where does Granpappy disappear to at odd hours of the night?
My fictional novel, HUNTING SEASON, of 82,000 words, is sure to delight adults of all sizes, shapes, and colors. Please remember me when cooking bacon because I know you're a bacon fan and so am I. I like biscuits and gravy too.
--CavelierdeNuit
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3 comments:
That is one bunch of crazy mixed up hunters.
Perhaps it's better than eating beans and drinking beer for a week.
I think I met those guys -- at least the one who tried to ride his snowmobile across the lake when the ice was too thin. Did you know snowmobiles are boats and don't float.
Gee, who would have thought.
Shouldn't it be buck Country Beer Store & Grill? Don't want strangers thinking you got no class.
"Ted falls, foaming at the mouth, into Klaire's wrinkled button down plaid shirt and dies."
That must be one oversized shirt if he is able to fall into it while worn by someone else.
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