Guess the Plot
Coming of the Dukebarr
1. Oh God...oh God... Oh GOD...Yes YES YEESSS!!
2. In a wild west inhabited by humans, giant trilobytes, and various aliens, a gang of renegade Martians terrorize Tombstone. But the town may be saved by the . . . Coming of The Dukebarr.
3. Cara is outraged. She's thirteen years old, and she still has to have a babysitter? She's old enough to be a babysitter! But her anger is quickly forgotten when the Dukebarr shows up.
4. On a distant world, the dominant habitants have plundered the natural resources and driven the magnificent fauna to the edge of extinction. The last surviving Dukebarr pines for its recently deceased mate, from which only a few viable eggs could be harvested. If the species is to survive, it is up to Slaffus to gain the beast's trust. And a sample of its semen.
5. Angie needs a prince. What she gets is Dukebarr, a slobbery dog. Sure he claims to be an enchanted prince, can outwrestle dragons, command rats, and the harvest has tripled since he came. But Angie needs someone human to marry. Then she meets Earlpubb, the street sweep.
6. Everyone laughs at Joe for his obsession with aliens. But when the Dukebarr armada is spotted heading for Earth, Joe jams on his tinfoil hat and prepares to save the world.
Dear Evil Editor,
Cara, a rebellious and stubborn thirteen year old, has recently decided that there is no Creator. Her beliefs, if discovered, are considered high treason and grounds for exile in her village. [Fortunately, she should be safe as long as she doesn't reveal her treasonous thoughts to the high priest or the apprentice priest or her father or her babysitter.] Desperate to protect his daughter, the High Priest of the village
assigns an apprentice priest to babysit his daughter and help recover her faith. [Having a babysitter when you're 13 is embarrassing enough, but...
Cara: It's time for American Idol.
Babysitter: Turn off the TV and open to Proverbs 3, Verse 5.
Cara: Before we start, let me get you some coffee. Arsen-- Er, cream and sugar?]
Needless to say, Cara isn’t pleased. But her anger is quickly forgotten when foretold signs of a coming apocalypse, the Dukebarr, begin to appear. [The Dukebarr? That word just doesn't have an apocalyptic ring to it. It sounds too much like jukebox. Put a quarter in the jukebox and play "Duke of Earl," Father.] [The thesaurus lists numerous synonyms for apocalypse: Armageddon, cataclysm, catastrophe, decimation, devastation,end of the world. Note that they all have four syllables. Even a made-up word for apocalypse is required to have four syllables. You can't express something apocalyptic in two syllables.]
Cara begins to question her beliefs as her society starts to crumble around her. [Just so I've got it straight, she was questioning her belief that there is a Creator, and she's now questioning her belief that there isn't a Creator?] When the Dukebarr finally arrives her village is devastated. The surviving townsfolk shelter in nearby caves, praying for redemption. Cara, however, realizes something is amiss. [So she's now questioning her belief that she was wrong to question her belief that . . . never mind.] How [Why] can no one remember the attack? Why do people have claw marks on their arms? [Invisible cat army. It's the only explanation that fits.] And why will no one believe her? [What is she saying now that no one will believe?] Cara is on a mission to discover the truth [Whatever the truth is, the book can only be improved if you make it an invisible cat army.] and rescue her village from further devastation, and she’s the only one who believes it’s possible. [Or at least that's what she believes today.]
COMING OF THE DUKEBARR is a completed 53,000 word fantasy for young adult readers. I have one published short story in Byline Magazine.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
I wonder why O'Neill's play wasn't titled Coming of the Iceman.
Young adults tend to be in high school. I would think they'd rather read about kids older than 13. Is there a reason this isn't considered middle grade?
The setup paragraph does its job, but the next paragraph is general. What happened? Are they still in danger? What does Cara plan to do about it? Does she have any allies? Is there a villain? Give us specific information.