The 6th Annual Oscar Guess the Plot Quiz

Each of the following films has been nominated as best picture of the year. Your job is to figure out which of the plots are fakes, created by Evil Editor and his Evil Minions, and which is the actual plot of the film.


1. The Artist

A lonely autistic man paints haunting images of the Holocaust.

In depression-era New York City an artist who was the talk of the town must deal with the fact that no one has any money to buy art.

Silent film about a silent film star who produces a silent film to prove that silent films aren't dead.

Serial killer "The Artist" rearranges victims' faces to resemble Picassos. Corrimer is an art critic-turned-detective, hot on his trail. But now the Artist is stalking the critic due to a scathing critique of the last crime scene.

A world-renowned sand sculptor must move to snowy Colorado to care for his ailing father.

That's what they call him, Jean-Baptist LaClerc. He has painted and screwed his way through most of French nobility, but can he seduce Marie Champlon? Her eyes say 'yes,' but the key to her chastity belt says 'no.' His reputation is at stake, confound it!


2. The Descendants

Aidan and Andrew, a married gay couple in NYC, struggle to come to terms with the deaths of their grandparents in the Holocaust.

With his wife in a coma, a lawyer takes his children to meet the man their mother was having an affair with. Dramedy ensues.

Their grandfather and their father were bosses in the nation's biggest crime family. Now twins Carlo and Carlotta try to make a life for themselves with a home-made pasta business while the family's enemies seek revenge.

Picasso's nude model descended the staircase only once for that iconic picture, but did she descend it again for Picasso's arch nemesis?

Eleven houses in eight countries on four continents and yet, people always figure it out; 'John Smith' and his family are direct descendants of Adolf Hitler's love child. His wife, Zelda wonders if it might be John's mustache. Nah. Better move again.


3. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

A young woman from the midwest visits the big city for the first time and comes to regret sitting next to Evil Editor at the all-you-can-eat Mexican buffet.

Jon thinks winning front row tickets to an AC/DC concert is a dream come true. But ten days later, he and his date still haven't recovered their hearing.

After buying their dream house in Georgia through an Internet realty firm, Californians Paul and Marcie move across the country and discover their home is located next to Atlanta's Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport.

After Oskar's father is killed in the World Trade Center attack he befriends an old man who hasn't spoken since he witnessed a bombing in WWII. They become close and Oskar notices the old man is a lot like his father. Hmm...

Jeremiah is sick of his conjoined twin, Jeremy. Jeremy yells when watching sport on TV, which he does constantly when not making appalling jokes and laughing raucously at them. Can Jeremiah find a way to kill the idiot without harming himself or doing time?

Two siblings, both nearly deaf, come of age in frontier America.

A group of high school friends take a road trip to see their favorite band live and from the front row . . . 30 years after the band's heyday.


4. Hugo

An unconventional dark comedy about Hugo Weaving, the man who brought both Agent Smith and Lord Elrond to life.

Charles Beaumont refuses to heed the warnings as Hurricane Hugo approaches Charleston, SC in 1989. When his child is killed by glass from a shattered window, he must spend the rest of the movie feeling guilty and enduring his wife's glares.

An orphan named Hugo is living with his uncle. When the uncle vanishes, it's up to Hugo to get his uncle's mechanical man working.

Hugo the elephant is so big and fat he flattens every circus that'll have him — until the ringmasters all gang up to have him shot. Can Dumbo-crazy toddler Biffy Stumpo save the massively-trunked quadruped? Or will he too be squished to a pulp and everything EVERYTHING end terribly?

A biopic of mad scientist Hugo A Gogo – you know, from the 60’s cartoon, Bat Fink. What do you mean you can’t remember? It was a classic, man, a classic.

The sqeezable soft bear from the Downy commercial makes his silver screen debut in a heart-warming family comedy. Bear does know best.

Never heard of him? No? Who has? It sucks being Igor's little brother. “Igor, fetch more brains.” “Igor, check the contacts.” “Igor throw the switch.” “You? Errrrm... Go scrub the loos, there's a good lad.”


5. Midnight in Paris

Vacationing with his fiancee in Paris, a writer is transported every night at midnight back to the 1920s, where he hobnobs with the likes of Hemingway and Fitzgerald.

During WWII, a pair of lesbian jazz singers--one Jewish, the other African-American, struggle to come to terms with both their love and their project to smuggle crippled Polish children to NYC.

Midnight: cute kitty by day, avenging panther by night. Follow Midnight's adventures as she stalks and wreaks bloody vengeance on those Parisians who are far too superior to bother scooping up after their pooches.

The thrilling end to the romantic trilogy that began with "Before Sunrise" and "Before Sunset."

Is it midnight? Who can tell, with all these bloody lights! Just once, Michele wants his children to be able to see the stars. Calling in every favor he has, he conspires to shut off all the public outdoor lights at once. Will party-pooper Mayor Adele Richard thwart his plan?


6. The Help

Mexican-American illegal immigrants who mow the lawns of suburban soccer moms, and their secret lives.

Maids, footmen and cooks at a 1915 British estate gather nightly in the kitchen to gossip about the family that employs them. Pretty funny if you can understand their accents.

Unbeknownst to the rest of the world, every 100 years, twelve superheroes are born. The Healer. The Fighter. The Sympath. The Honest. The Courage. What does Melda get? A lifetime of emergency silver-polishing and deviled egg-making.

Fresh out of college, Skeeter wants to be a writer, so she interviews a number of maids working in Mississippi, compiles the interviews into a book, and sells it to Harper Collins. The book is a success and Skeeter goes on to a career in publishing. A fantasy.

Imogen is the angel assigned to help Sahira leave her slum home in Mumbai and rescue her family from grinding poverty. When local bullies discover and kidnap Imogen, Sahira has to help her “help”.

Documentary about the rumored 6th Beatle - the copy editor who was the real driving force of the band's success.


7. Moneyball

It seemed like a good idea at the time to drop an enormous ball of cash in the poorest area of DC. Several trampled politicians later, Senator Mitchel has been arrested on multiple charges and his cellmates have come up with a new nickname for him. Guess what it is.

A pair of crooks try to break the bank at Atlantic City while seeking a place that will perform their gay marriage.

The general manager of a hapless major league baseball team devises new methods of scouting players in order to contend with his team's puny payroll. At one point they win 20 games in a row, and would have won the World Series, except it's based on a true story, and they didn't.

After winning the $50,000,000 Powerball lottery, Sheila Stone discovers relatives she never knew she had. When her generosity leaves her bankrupt, she uses her last ten dollars to buy lottery tickets. You'll never guess what happens.

John Nathan just wants to throw the perfect birthday party for his 12-year-old, as part of a ploy to regain the favor of his estranged ex-wife. But when it turns out that bank robbers stashed their ill-gotten gains in the baseball-shaped pinata he just bought, it's gonna be one hell of a party.


8. War Horse

The Trojan War from the horse's perspective.

Battleaxe. Steamroller. All of these apply to Carol's mother-in-law. Husband Lennie tries to convince Carol it's serious, and when they come home to find MIL in a chalk pentagram pulling the heads off chickens, she does. But is there still time to run?

A gay, autistic African-American soldier in WWII obsessively draws images of horses on bombers heading to Germany.

A rocking horse is possessed by demons after a children's birthday party gone wrong. Breaking free from the house, the horse sets off on its mission to start a world war and, hopefully, ensure the destruction of the planet.

Albert's father sells their beloved horse Joey to a British officer during WWI. The officer is killed and Joey is captured by the Germans. After the war, Albert discovers that Joey is being auctioned off and collects money to bid on him. Sadly, he's outbid by an old French guy.

Rock band War Horse are the new Hot Things. Follow their rise to fame and fortune, their boozing and drug taking, the stalker groupie, the tantrums, the leaked sex tapes with nobodies, the manipulative manager and internal rifts over the artistic direction they will next take, the split, the appalling solo releases, and their final degradation – hosts on televised talent quests.


9. The Tree of Life

Three generations of Jewish African Americans struggle to come to terms with their autistic LGBT descendants' marriages.

When he sees a tree being planted in front of a building, Jack O'Brien reminisces about his life as young teenager during the 1950s. Also, the origin of the universe and dinosaurs.

Just as the Circle of Life describes how death leads to more life, the Tree of Life describes how growth leads to the raking of leaves.

The Giving Tree fights back.

Oh, you thought it meant your life? Come closer my pretty, and I will tell you a tale of the last surviving carnivorous cypress in the Bayou. A bit closer. Closer.



Answers below



Fake plots created by Evil Editor, Khazar-khum, Anonymous, Mother (Re)produces, Jo-Ann, Whirlochre



The actual plots are:


1. Silent film about a silent film star who produces a silent film to prove that silent films aren't dead.

2. With his wife in a coma, a lawyer takes his children to meet the man their mother was having an affair with. Dramedy ensues.

3. After Oskar's father is killed in the World Trade Center attack he befriends an old man who hasn't spoken since he witnessed a bombing in WWII. They become close and Oskar notices the old man is a lot like his father.

4. An orphan named Hugo is living with his uncle. When the uncle vanishes, it's up to Hugo to get his uncle's mechanical man working.

5. Vacationing with his fiancee in Paris, a writer is transported every night at midnight back to the 1920s, where he hobnobs with the likes of Hemingway and Fitzgerald.

6. Fresh out of college, Skeeter wants to be a writer, so she interviews a number of maids working in Mississippi, compiles the interviews into a book, and sells it to Harper Collins. The book is a success and Skeeter goes on to a career in publishing. A fantasy.

7. The general manager of a hapless major league baseball team devises new methods of scouting players in order to contend with his team's puny payroll. At one point they win 20 games in a row, and would have won the World Series, except it's based on a true story, and they didn't.

8. Albert's father sells their beloved horse Joey to a British officer during WWI. The officer is killed and Joey is captured by the Germans. After the war, Albert discovers that Joey is being auctioned off and collects money to bid on him. Sadly, he's outbid by an old French guy.

9. When he sees a tree being planted in front of a building, Jack O'Brien reminisces about his life as young teenager during the 1950s. Also, the origin of the universe and dinosaurs.