Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Face-Lift ??

Guess the Plot

Book Roast

1. It looks like Book Roast, where books are served up juicy, is going to be a fun place to hang out. That is until Miss Savannah Spitfire shows up, skewers in hand, ready to have a go at whoever wanders into the book-and-grill. Also, a troll.

2. It's 2043, the world lives virtually, and print books have been declared illegal in this chilling update of Fahrenheit 451. Can a group of outcasts and scofflaws keep the last surviving hard copies of Novel Deviations out of the flames? Also, a cameo paragraph written by Ray Bradbury.

3. Illiterate chef, Rambo Ratouse, thinks a request for a new cookbook is a request for a cooked book. Hilarity ensues as he spends the next five years of his life whipping up dishes such as filet de folio, BBQ spines, and his specialty ... Book Roast.

4. With poetry slams so yesterday, an eclectic group of college students comes up with the next literary fad: book roasts. The concept is simple. Read aloud a favorite page then feed it to the fire. What emerges from the smoking pages is a fleeting art form that truly transcends time and language.

5. When Fred Faust mistakes a red satin bookmark for the Mark of the Beast, he consigns the book he's reading, Novel Deviations IV, to the fires of hell. Little does he expect the revolution that book will incite when Lucifer gets his scaly hands on it and refuses to share.

6. A dozen literary classics gather in a back room of the Library of Congress to honor and poke fun at The Da Vinci Code. Hilarity ensues.


Original Version

Can five unlikely chefs cook up the courage to open a book-and-grill, tenderize some pages and spice up a few hundred words -- all without leaving a few brand marks along the way?

Master Roaster R'hino T'hong is determined to whip her zesty vision of a flavorful new dining experience into a fully baked reality. To do it, she enlists the help of four overcharred and underpaid sous chefs: a blowhard troll, a mountain wanderer, a legendary bird and a sharp-forked Aussie. With only a handful of days to get the grill scrubbed, the charcoal lit and the specials of the day snared, the raw talents of the newly basted roast masters are put to the fire.

But just as the egg timer runs out, saucy Savannah Spitfire, southern-fried culinary vixen, appears and things start to really heat up. Now it's up to R'hino T'hong to hold Miss Spitfire to a simmer and add a pinch of humour to the situation before the proverbial pot boils over.

Our credits include many well-seasoned comments published across the Internet at hot and spicy sites like this.

Done to perfection, BOOK ROAST is a juicy multi-genre romp that will have you coming back for seconds. We'll be happy to send you the complete menu. Or click here for a sample taste.

Sin-searedly,
The Roast Masters

26 comments:

pjd said...

LOL GTP #6. This query has all the right ingredients and seems fresh.

Kiersten said...

So now we have EE and his feminine alter-ego SS. Who has also hit on EE.

Hmmm...a little creepy.

Bernita said...

And I was proud to be the first kebab on the skewer.

Miss Savannah Spitfire: said...

Oh no, my darlin' Arlyle person.

EE's all man. And I'm, well, I'm all wo-man.

But I'm happy to be thought of as even a small, small section of his alter-ego, feminine version thereof.

And Ms. Harris, may I say that you were a wonderful first author!

December/Stacia said...

Lol! How sad is it that it took me a minute to get it?

ChrisEldin said...

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so excited I'm going to throw up. I haven't even read this yet.

Will be back....

ChrisEldin said...

I don't care if you are British. I'm blowing lots of kisses your way.


(THANK YOU!!!!!!)

Evil Editor said...

Presumably for posting it, as I didn't write it.

Kiersten said...

EE, you really didn't write this?

Man, Miss Spitfire, you're good.

jason evans said...

Thanks for adding fuel to the fire, EE!

Sarah Laurenson said...

LOL

This is wonderful!

So who is the author? Hm. Fess up.

Anonymous said...

Has the world around me gone nuts? Oh, the humanity. . .

I've been LOLing in between frowns from the weekends comment trail and now this! I've a ider who that Miss Savannah might be, but "mum's" the word for now!!!

Cool blog, Chris. Just the spot for when I feel chatty and also enjoyed Bernita's weirdly enuf that I may go check out her blog!!!

ME

Dave F. said...

Awww. This is so cute.

Very good whoever wrote it.

BuffySquirrel said...

POD is just a method of printing books. Might as well deplore the printing press replacing copying by hand.

And what has happened to music, in your opinion?

Scheherazade said...

I still have no idea what exactly your set-up is. What are they opening? A restaurant? A bookstore? Are they literally roasting books? because I can't tell.

On the bright side, you got me all the way through the query before I realized that. Good writing. Now be a little obvious.

Bernita said...

Thank you, Miss Savannah. You are a honey.

pacatrue said...

Buffy, my reaction was the same as yours at first, but as Dec/Stac hinted, I think it's more of a pun. Music has gone to iPods and books to POD.

Since it's arlyle, I was looking for the sexual innuendo for much too long.

Anonymous said...

My original post went down the blogger black hole, I guess.

I don't know who I'm congratulating, but I'm congratulating him/her/it on the scope of it...including the bookroast blog. --Bill H.

ChrisEldin said...

I found out a little while ago that a very nice and most excellent writer whose name rhymes with Kleenex wrote this.
It was a (most awesome!) surprise for the Roast crew.

To the dude asking about restaurants...
sum'in like that
:-)

Phoenix said...

OK, I know I've been hanging around this blog far too long if I'm starting to write like EE.

And why do you guys think the lovely Miss Savannah isn't exactly who she says she is?

Pete: GTP #6 was EE's contribution and a marvelous one at that!

Thanks again, EE, for playing along. You really are a sweetheart! (Of course, your flock of adoring minions tell you that every day in our own special way, don't we?)

Kiersten said...

Oh man, how long until I can start writing like EE? Because that would be great.

Shona Snowden said...

Possibly the best query ever seen here. And I'm not in the least biased...

Thanks so much EE!

Shona Snowden said...

So now we have EE and his feminine alter-ego SS. Who has also hit on EE.

Whoa, there Kiersten. You be careful how you throw around those SS initials! There's more than one SS on the Book Roast blog and this one is neither an alter-ego nor an EE hitter! That other hussy, however...

Kiersten said...

My apologies ; ) I'll use Miss Savannah from now on.

Miss Savannah Spitfire: said...

Shona my darlin',

Who-ah you callin' a hussy?

I'll have you know I'm very, very, extraordiarily particular about the gentlemen I hold an obsession with. Or is it for?

Shona Snowden said...

Honey, I believe in your case it's all those and more. A lot more.