P & E Poll

The Preditors and Editors Poll is coming to a close, and incredibly, Evil Editor isn't winning. Not in the category of book editor or writers' resource. Investigating, I checked out the top couple editors in the book editor standings. They appear to be services. Send me your book and your money, and I'll edit for you. Send us your money, and we'll edit and publish your book. Who's voting for these people?

Let's face it. There aren't any famous book editors. Except EE, of course. No way should any editor (except EE, of course) be able to get more than three or four votes without getting all of their friends to vote for them, or paying homeless people to vote for them. That's where EE is at a disadvantage: I have no friends, and homeless people know better than to come near me. I must rely on my minions, most of whom have not purchased my books, and thus have no idea how good an editor I am.

Ill tell youhow goog I'm. That's the kind of sentence that most editors would let slip by. Not EE. Yet how many of these other editors have to deal with over a hundred authors per book? How many do not only the editing, but the proofreading, the cover design, the interior design, etc. for all the books they edit? How many foot the bill for their ISBN numbers, for the printing and binding and shipping? How many have the moral fiber to publish books just because they deserve to be published, even if they're certain to lose money? Only EE is that stupid.

Can anyone who's read Why You Don't Get Published honestly say it's not the funniest book ever produced? Dave called it better than sex. Two readers (whom I'll mercifully not name) admitted to having peed their pants while reading it.

Have not hundreds of aspiring authors gotten their first, and possibly only, book publication thanks to EE's Novel Deviations series? Just my way of giving back to my beloved minions.

Moving on to the writers' resource category, how do you define "resource"? Something useful? Or something entertaining? Let me rephrase that. How many of you have sold a book thanks to any so-called writers' resources? That's what I thought. So how useful are they? And since none of the so-called resources has shown itself to be useful, you may as well vote for one that's entertaining.

I have no doubt that the leading votegetters have placed the address of the ballot (http://www.critters.org/predpoll) on their websites, along with pleas for votes. I'm not stooping to such depths, because I'm starting to think it's better to come in last: in the author category, Stephen King is tied for last place. Man, who's in first, Tolstoy?

Next year will be different. Next year I'm told there'll be a category called funniest blog by an editor with muttonchops. I feel certain I'll make the top ten.