Guess the Plot
The Ghost Witch
1. Lydia is excited to be moving into a house that's supposed to be haunted by a witch! Unfortunately, Agnes was the most incompetent witch to have ever lived--the only spell that ever worked was the one that killed her. However, Snookie, her cat, thinks Agnes isn't really dead, and wants Lydia's help to get her back.
2. Casper the ghost needs a costume for the office Halloween party, and decides to go as a witch. not realizing that Wendy the witch plans to wear a ghost costume. Everyone has a good laugh--until Dracula shows up dressed as a werewolf.
3. Fiona the witch has been plotting revenge on the man who burned her mother at the stake. But with her plan about to reach fruition, she's captured by a handsome witch hunter. Will he turn her over to the royal witch hunter? Or will she turn him into a Scottish Terrier? Or will they fall in love and live happily ever after?
4. When a witch dies and comes back as a ghost, she doesn't lose her ability to cast spells. Which makes her more powerful and dangerous than other ghosts or witches. But not powerful enough to take over the world, as Henrietta is about to discover.
5. Robert just went on a great first date with Cassia, the beautiful necromancer he met on a dating app. But Cassia is no longer responding to any of his texts! Can Robert find love, or will he be haunted by being ghosted forever?
6. Witch Hepsibah wturns herself into a ghost and now brews potions for everyone in the afterlife with the help of Salem, her cat. But a dead witch hunter discovers this and hunts her across the afterlife.
Original Version
Fiona was nine years old when she vowed to kill John Kincaid. [I mean, any kid who cheats at Sorry deserves to die, am I right?] To the rest of Scotland, he’s the King’s renowned Witch Pricker– [No reason to capitalize "witch pricker." Or "king," unless you name the king, which would be a good idea to emphasize that this is grounded in history.] [For those unfamiliar with 17th-century Scottish occupations, a witch pricker was a guy who pricked witches. And while the job has become obsolete, the term "witch pricker" remains popular as a tongue twister. Just try to say it five times fast.] but to Fiona, he’s the man who burned her mother at the stake. For years, she has risked her life to save condemned witches from their brutal trials [They go on trial after they've been condemned?] while seeking her revenge. All was going to plan until she found herself captured [and] at the mercy of a frustratingly decent and handsome hunter. [If you mean witch hunter, say so.] Alasdair’s haunted past has turned his days into meaningless repetitions fraught with doubt over his way of life. But can he defy clan duty and accept the mad rantings of this beautiful, obstinate woman before him? [So members of the clan have a duty to capture women and . . . what? Turn them over to the witch pricker?] [If Fiona wants to convince Alasdair she's not a witch, she'd be better off talking calmly and rationally, rather than ranting madly . . . like a witch. Or she could just turn Alasdair into a frog.]
In The Ghost Witch, a 99,000-word historical romance adventure set in 1661 Scotland, a sudden, violent attack on the road leaves Fiona and Alasdair no choice but to rely on each other, and a fragile trust between strangers begins to take root. But that bond is tested as John Kincaid closes in. He sets traps across the Highlands to lure the legend of the [legendary? notorious?] ‘Ghost Witch,’ and silence her once and for all. Desperate to protect her coven, Fiona [Wait, she has a coven? Is Fiona a witch? Was her mother?] must grapple with a love she never expected—one that could put everything she holds dear in danger. Together they must fight, ["Together" meaning she and her coven or she and Alasdair?] because in a world ruled by fire and fear, freedom always comes at a cost.
This story embraces [blends?] the dark, grounded history of Kiran Millwood Hargrave's “The Mercies,” and the feminist, magical realism of Emilia Hart’s “Weyward,” in the lush setting, with the grand romance of the Outlander series. The Ghost Witch is [I see you italicize your title, but not these other titles.] a dual POV, standalone with series potential. Written for [, that will appeal to] women over 30 who love a fierce heroine, sisterhood, mist-drenched battles, and a slow-burning enemies-to-lovers [tale] with a magic system that will force the reader to question reality as they know it. [That last phrase, starting "with a magic system..." might be better at the beginning of the sentence. Or left out entirely on the grounds that if your magic system is likely to force me to question reality as I know it, this magic is worthy of mention in the plot summary. Does Fiona use magic to rescue suspected (or actual) witches?]
On a three-year road trip across Europe and the UK, I became entranced by the mystical, rolling hills of Scotland and began deep research into the history of the witch purge. When my husband, our dog, and I settled onto a sheep farm for a month, the story began to write itself. I’m Kellsie Moore, a debut American writer. My prequel short-story screenplay, “The Witch In The Wall,” won awards at San Diego Movie, London Film Buzz, NY International Screenplay, and Creative World. Each chapter [of The Ghost Witch] includes a quote or excerpt from propaganda of the time, and all mystical and magical elements are derived from real-world documented phenomena, Scottish folklore, history, or lived traditions.
Notes
The sentence about your screenplay awards doesn't belong in the middle of that paragraph; if you think it'll help your cause, give it it's own paragraph.
This book sounds like it would sell, and the query is well-written. The natural inclination is to assume the women being pricked and executed are not actually witches, so when you bring up a coven and a magic system, I have to rethink things. Are we talking about witches who cast spells? Like the Scarlet Witch? Samantha on Bewitched? Glenda or the Wicked Witch of the West? Apparently Fiona doesn't have the power to thwart her captor or her attacker. What can she do?
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