Face-Lift 1480

Guess the Plot

How to Make a Butterfly Fly

1. Fly fishermen have long sworn by the Tungsten Frenchie Jig, the Hare's Ear Nymph, and the Red Zebra Midge. But when Bob "the Carp King" Pappas comes to town with his patented Butterfly fly, everyone wants one. But only one of them is willing to kill for it.

2. In this updated guide to all things fishing, you will learn about rods, poles, reels, lines, hooks, bobs, etc., licensing, sustainable fishing, and baits and target fish for all skill levels. Also, how to tie lures from the most simple to the most intricate.

3. When Miss Monarch Butterfly's wing is broken in a storm, the gardener hears her cries and through compassion and friendship, helps her to once again soar with the wind. An allegory.

4. When Barbara finds a book called The Magic of Origami, she doesn't expect the first thing she makes, a butterfly, to actually fly. But it does! There's an origami puppy in the book, but if she makes it, will her mom let her keep it??

5. Step 1: catch a butterfly. Step 2: Acquire access to a wind tunnel. Jeraldo Valquez is starting to think he's the target of a prank. But he's rich, bored, and borderline illegal is a plus.

Original Version

HOW TO MAKE A BUTTERFLY FLY is a picture book about love, redemption, and second chances told through a wholesome twist on the monarch butterfly cycle aimed at ages 4 – 8 with a word count of 984 words. HOW TO MAKE A BUTTERFLY FLY is THE BOY, THE FOX, THE MOLE, AND THE HORSE meets science class. [These capitalized words are annoying. Titles should be italicized. Or underlined. Also, the book you're comparing yours to is The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse. You reversed the mole and the fox. Round off your word count to 1000. A "wholesome twist" sounds like a pretzel made with whole wheat.]

Like any monarch butterfly, Miss Monarch Butterfly starts as an egg, then a larva, which becomes a caterpillar, eats a lot of leaves, enters a chrysalis, and emerges as a monarch butterfly. Yet, after coming out of her chrysalis, a storm erupts as she takes off from her garden home, leaving her with a broken wing and on the hard, damp garden floor. However, all is not lost because The Gardener [no need to capitalize his occupation.] hears her cries as she is falling and helps turn her situation around. 

 

The story comes with educational questions and material to guide an in-class discussion. HOW TO MAKE A BUTTERFLY FLY is an allegory of someone taking off in life, symbolized by the butterfly. [Hmm. Are you the butterfly?] Due to circumstances out of their control - the storm - the butterfly finds herself broken, out of her path, and unable to fly off the garden floor. However, through the compassion and friendship of the gardener, she can fly and soar with the wind! 

My name is _________________, and I come from the unrepresented [under-represented] community of Cuban Americans.  I am a published author and poet through the program “Canon Future Authors of America,” in which I was a participant in 2014, 2015, and 2016. I won silver key awards in middle school through the Scholastic Art and Writing awards for my short stories OFF TO MAKRS, [Mars?] THE PINK HAT, and DESIRE TO DIE, and I am also the recipient of two full academic scholarships for both high school and college, where I am studying communications.  

Notes

If you're writing to an agent who says she is looking for authors from under-represented communities, I think its sufficient to say you're Cuban-American, without pointing out that this is an under-represented community.

Awards you won in middle school are not going to sway the reader in a positive direction. That you mention them may do the opposite. That space would be better utilized telling us what happens in the book. Perhaps that would include how the farmer helps Miss Butterfly become Madame Butterfly. Does he repair her wing? Compassion and friendship are great, but they don't fix butterfly wings. Do they speak to each other? Does he give her pep talks? 

Is there a reason the hero is a gardener rather than an eight-year-old kid or a dog? Little kids might identify with other kids more than with gardeners. 

This being a picture book, you might want to mention whether you have created the art and whether you're providing samples. Your best chance of interesting someone in this is to have fabulous art to accompany it.

Since all female monarch butterflies could be called Miss Monarch Butterfly, maybe you should give yours a name. Cuban "B" names like Benita, Bertalini, or Beatriz would provide alliteration, or how about "Mariposa," Spanish for "butterfly."

I'm not sure how much of your 1000 words are devoted to the life cycle of monarch butterflies, but too much of that is not advancing the story. Likewise, are the educational questions and materials included in the word count? When I was a little kid, I don't think I'd have sat still for educational questions at the end of The Cat in the Hat.