Facelift 1472

Guess the Plot

The Kintsugi Cognition: Apparancy

1. Quinn was raised in the church of Scientology, sheltered from the real world, so he grows up knowing nothing about the Kintsugi cognition. Which may put him at a disadvantage when he discovers he's gay.

2. Sequel to The Buchaechum Perspicacity: Discernability, but focusing on calligraphy rather than musicology.

3. Hailey Smithson "improves" her new AI doll with her kintsugi art kit. Suzann-Ai now does her homework and cleans her room. The school bullies mysteriously go missing, but that's totally unrelated. Or is it?

4. British agent Kyle Evans is assigned his latest mission: infiltrate Japan's Kintsugi Syndicate, a consortium of billionaires seeking domination of Japan's politics and economy. Step one will be to figure out a way  to pass as Japanese.

5. An order of monks have spent decades trying to understand the hidden messages in the ancient tome  known as the Kintsugi. When Brother Ren announces that he's deciphered the work, and it's a book of recipes, will his fellow monks stone him to death?

Original Version

Good afternoon [Name], 

I am excited to present my debut novel, The Kintsugi Cognition: Apparancy, [It's always a bit alarming when Blogger draws a red squiggle beneath two words in a query, even more so when both words are in the title. But people like to make up words, and Blogger doesn't know everything. Google, however does know everything, including that kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery. Possibly used metaphorically in this case, unless this is a book about a potter with magical powers. (Which has been done.) When I Googled "apparancy," Google wanted to know if I meant "apparency," which means "the state of being apparent," and which Blogger also never heard of. "Apparency" apparently is a word, but Google also suggested the author might have meant "aberrancy," which means a state of being abnormal or deviant. Perhaps reading the query will provide a clue.] which spans 114,000 words, for your review. [Not crazy about "spans" there. That usually refers to distance or time. You could just call it a 114,000-word debut novel. Even better would be to call it an 84,000-word debut novel.] Considering your preferences and your interest in LGTBQ+ characters and theology, I believe that my book closely aligns with your interests. [You spelled LGBTQ+ wrong. It may seem the order of the letters doesn't matter, but if I wrote BLT+GQ you'd probably think I was talking about my favorite sandwich and magazine.] [Also, that sentence, without the specifics, boils down to: Considering your interest, my book aligns with your interests. You could combine the two sentences into something like: I am excited to present my 114,000-word debut novel, The Kintsugi Cognition: Apparancy, which closely aligns with your interest in LGBTQ+ characters and theology.] [Also, because many agents will reject you when they see your word count, and others will have already rejected you when they saw your title, it might be advisable to put this at the end of the query, by which point you'll have already hooked them.]

 

The narrative follows Quinn Ryan, who grew up as a Scientologist in Calgary, Alberta, [Ah. So you did mean "aberrance."] shielded from the outside world by the Church. However, a chance encounter with his estranged father introduces him to Larkin Childs, a mysterious figure that [who] disrupts Quinn's controlled existence. As Quinn grapples with newfound perspectives on life, love, and spirituality, the Church's cruel and oppressive tactics intensify to maintain its influence over him and recruit Larkin. [Are you prepared to deal with their cruel and oppressive tactics when your book is published?] [I'm not even sure I'm prepared to deal with their reaction to this query being posted.]

 

The Kintsugi Cognition: Apparancy chronicles the intertwining journeys of Quinn and Larkin as they navigate their shared vulnerabilities and confront the formidable Church of Scientology to break free from their past traumas. It features Western Canadian voices and characters, which are underrepresented in literature. [If you're saying that because the agent specified they're looking for books by and about underrepresented people, I don't think they meant Western Canadians.]  [Wait, that's it? You're wrapping up without telling us what happens? All you've given us is a guy who grew up sheltered from reality by Scientology meets a mysterious guy, and they navigate their vulnerabilities while breaking free from past traumas. That's totally vague. You might as well just say SCIENTOLOGY! MY BOOK HAS SCIENTOLOGY!

 

The first of two novels following Quinn and Larkin’s story, The Kintsugi Cognition: Apparancy has been professionally edited and reviewed. [This might be a good place to explain the title. Not that you're required to do so, but in my opinion, if that's gonna be your title, you better have a good explanation. Especially since I had to write most of the fake plots!!]

Following the success of Leah Remini’s book Troublemaker and television series, “Scientology and the Aftermath” as well as the notoriety of the Danny Masterson sexual assault trial, the inner workings of the cult of Scientology have never been more exposed, or of more public interest than it is [they are] now. Apparancy contains elements of horror and eroticism in an LGBTQ+ story that has been written to appeal to a broader commercial audience. [In other words, your LGBTQ+ book will appeal to readers who normally wouldn't read LGBTQ+ books, because . . . SCIENTOLOGY!]

 

While written for an adult audience, Apparancy is in the same vein as Hell Followed With Us by Andrew Joseph White and Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle. [I can infer from your phrasing that those books aren't written for adults, but that doesn't tell me what "vein" you're talking about. Then again, I'm not the one you're querying.]

 

I have three degrees in English literature, including a Ph.D. from the University of Bristol, UK. My thesis “Hells Bells Calling: Salvation and Saving, Mourning and Memory in the Canon of Anne Rice” [You certainly have a way with titles.] is currently held in the British Library. [My book, Why You Don't Get Published, is currently held in the Library of Congress. Unless one of my minions stole it.] I also presented a lecture on Rikki Ducnoret’s view of the Catholic church at the 2009 Academic Conference on Canadian Science Fiction and Fantasy. My previous studies regarding religion and the influence of the Catholic church assisted me greatly during the research needed for The Kintsugi Cognition: Apparancy. [I don't find any of this relevant. Possibly the last sentence, but your "previous studies" seem to be focused largely on English literature and the canon of Anne Rice. Relevant would be anything involving Scientology, like if you survived a Scientology brainwashing. As the query is already pretty long, and will be even longer when you add what happens in your book, I'd sacrifice this bio.]

 

Please feel free to contact me if you would like to read more of the manuscript or if you have any questions. Thank you for your consideration and your time.

Notes

I don't know about the book, but that title wasn't written to appeal to a broad commercial audience. I suggest How Harry Quit Scientology and Lived to Tell About It. Note that I changed his name from Quinn to Harry.

Surely some specific events occur in your book that drive the plot forward and shape the main character's arc? Your first paragraph introduces the main character. It's fine, though I'd work in his age. After that we want specific information about his goal, the main obstacle keeping him from succeeding, his plan to overcome this obstacle, and what's at stake (What will be different if he fails/succeeds?). Does he reach a crossroads where he must make a difficult decision that will decide his fate? 

This is already longer than most debut novels, and it's only half of the story? Is the other book more of the same, or does new stuff come into play? You might have a better chance if you trim this book, give it a satisfying conclusion, and declare that it has series potential. 

Feel free to submit a revised version.