Feedback Request

The author of the book featured in Face-Lift 1466 would like feedback on the following version of the query.

Dear (agent name)

Set in 1935, IT COMES ALL THE SAME is a 60,000-word mystery/ thriller that will appeal to readers who enjoyed the thriller and plot-twist elements of The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides, the character perspectives of Notes on an Execution by Danya Kukafka, and the setting of The Black Cat Murders by Karen Baugh Menuhin. [So, you ditched one of your comp titles, added two new ones, and moved them from the end to the beginning. Move them back.] 

Private detectives Nicholai Veidectte and Frederick Morfin are hired by the grieving widow to solve the murder of Harrison Moore— owner of London’s leading steel manufacturing company— when he is [who was] found murdered in his study. Since [I'd go with "as" or "because" rather than "since."] the police failed to identify the attacker that cost her, [no comma] her unborn child two years ago, Mrs Moore doesn’t trust them to solve this case, and decides to call her old friend Nicholai first. To Nicholai, crime scenes are a tale told by someone who wants to be heard. To Frederick, they are simply the eruptions of disturbed minds. Four suspects, two detectives, and one victim, each representing a deadly sin. [In the previous version, everyone Moore ever knew wanted him dead. Apparently all but four of them have air-tight alibis?] 

Frederick and Nicholai race to solve the biggest case of their career before Scotland Yard beats them to it, but the more they uncover, the more they realise how truly twisted the details and the people surrounding this murder are. Through a series of flashbacks, suspects of the case reveal their stories and vendettas, and the dead man tells his tale, showing the man he was before his rise to power and fall from grace. Although Frederick and Nicholai understand their duty, they often find themselves wondering if a man as awful as Harrison Moore even deserves justice. 

Notes

The 2nd paragraph addresses some of the problems with the previous version. But the third paragraph is still vague. Specific examples of something they uncover, the twisted details and people, the suspects' stories would help. How did Moore wrong the four suspects? Does each suspect have a different motive? Instead of just telling us that the suspects and victim tell their stories, tell us their stories. Briefly, of course.