Face-Lift 1453

Guess the Plot

The Black Circle

1. He's lived a long life, always spinning until it was too much to bear. Now he's become unhinged and can't even stand on his own without spinning out of control. It's sad when you lose your one purpose in life, especially when you're a sentient revolving door.

2. When Rideroc thrusts Val into the center of a plot to breed an army of magic-infused shapeshifters, she must decide whether to put her nation at risk or start a romantic relationship with the guy. 

3. When a black circle appears one day in the car park of Green Valley High, everybody assumes it’s the work of bored students. Only Sharla, daughter of vampire hunters knows it’s true meaning- and knows the terrifying threat that all the good looking students will shortly face.

4. When mankind moves into space, the black spot, given to condemned traitors on a pirate vessel, is updated to a black circle for the space age. Alin has no desire to go out an airlock light years from any planets with or without a space suit. He has no recourse but to mutiny all by himself. With the ship's hacked AI of course.

5. A diverse group of Gen Alpha preteens break into an old, decrepit house where they discover an abandoned collection of vinyl records. Soon afterward they begin cancelling their Spotify accounts, sneering at people wearing AirPods, and blathering about “superior sound quality” …until a heroic GenXer takes them to task, smashes their albums, and saves the day because this is a feel-good story, not some Stephen King coming-of-age ripoff.

6. Ever since that trip to South America that Ferdi was too drunk to remember, she's been seeing a black spot show up here, there, on her doorstep, on her pillowcase. Might it have something to do with the Vodun cult she may have visited? It's probably just too much tequila. She should switch to rum.

7. Karen just wants to write novels for a living, but literary agents won’t acknowledge her existence. She already got rid of the pentagram under her bed, the homunculus in her basement, and the monkey’s paw she stole. What else could be giving her such bad luck? Unless . . . Maybe it's all those crows circling her house.

Original Version

Dear [Agent’s name],

Vallinore, a scholar dispatched to renegotiate a truce with a city ruled by a brutal king, [A city with a king? Wait, is this based on that TV show, The King of Queens?] was always marginalized due to her status as the emperor’s bastard. Fed up, she plans to abandon her duties post-mission and defect. 

Rideroc, the city’s Lord Commander, is hell-bent on liberating his people from the king’s tyranny. He ropes in Vallinore’s unique expertise in ancient languages to track down the only artefact capable of toppling the king, going so far as to threaten war on her nation if she refuses to help. [Either you translate these cuneiform passages, or my city will attack your nation.] [The king rules a city, Vallinore hails from a nation, Vallinore's father is an emperor, presumably of an empire? 

And the Lord Commander of the city is threatening war?]

Vallinore doesn’t plan for [figure on] Rideroc’s gravitational pull. As they peel back layers of pretence and forge a deeper bond, a shocking prophecy emerges, thrusting Vallinore at [into] the centre of an ancient lineage and making her the target of the king’s plot to breed an army of magic-infused shapeshifters. [Whoa, just when I was thinking Roman Empire, it's become Galactic Empire.] [Though I must admit that was one of the most amazing sentences in query history.] 

Rideroc and Vallinore must choose whether to flee and protecting Vallinore from the King’s relentless pursuit, or risk everything in a daring attempt to liberate the city.

THE BLACK CIRCLE is a dual POV Adult Romantic Fantasy complete at 118,000 words with series potential. It combines Jennifer L. Armentrout’s FALL OF RUIN AND WRATH's exploitative relationship between the protagonists and those in authority with Rebecca Yarros’s THE FOURTH WING’s enemies-to-lovers dynamic.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Notes

Not clear to me why this scholar who has studied ancient languages is the target of a plot to create an army of shapeshifters. Is "target of" the right phrase? Maybe "key to"? What does the shocking prophecy predict, exactly? That a woman will arrive in the city and translate some Sanskrit glyph instructions on how to create thousands of magical shapeshifters?

Lord Commander Rideroc sounds like the perfect name for your villain. Your hero should be the king's son, Prince Lenny. 

Also, Rideroc sounds a lot like Roderick. 

Vallinore plans to defect . . . to where? The brutal king's city? 

You call this a romantic fantasy, but there's little about romance here, just a vague mention of forging a bond and a gravitational pull (that Vallinore somehow feels right after Rideroc threatens war with her nation). 

Rideroc: Do as I ask, or my army will invade your country. 

Vallinore: Are you seeing anyone?

If you can get the romance angle in earlier it would help: 

Dispatched to negotiate a truce with a city ruled by a brutal king, Vallinore meets with the city’s handsome Lord Commander, Rideroc, who is hell-bent on liberating his people from the king’s tyranny. Rideroc makes a bad first impression, threatening war on Vallinore's nation unless she helps him topple the king. But though Rideroc seems like a real a-hole, Vallinore can't help finding him lovable, sort of like Hugh Grant.

Wait, replace that last line with: But though Vallinore finds Rideroc lacking in social graces, she can't help admiring his passion for helping his people--not to mention his ripped 6'3" frame. No, not quite that, but we're getting closer.