Face-Lift 1428

Guess the Plot

The Devouring Dark

1. The Halloween episode of a foodie competition goes horribly wrong when the lights go out. Can an epicurean vampire expose a vengeful murderer or will they both be blamed when hysteria descends into cannibalism?

2. It's dark. It eats people. But what's an elder cosmic horror supposed to do to get a hot date and pay the rent? Also, ancient kudzu-ravaged temples.

3. When Jarv received a "Wish you were here" postcard from Hell, he thought it was a joke. Now he smells brimstone, hears howls and screams from dark and gaping maws, and sees rotting, blood-dripping teeth. As a dentist, it's all pretty normal.

4. The planet Rojan rotates so slowly that night lasts fourteen Earth-years. Also, it devours all life, forcing inhabitants to constantly move with the rotation or die. Can one teenaged girl slow down the planet's rotation enough to celebrate her sweet-sixteen birthday party?

5. When shadow creatures battle soul eaters, the balance of power will be determined by which side one young woman fights on. Will she fight against the side that murdered her family, or will she lead them to victory so she can then have the satisfaction of murdering them all by herself?

6. No one knows where this entity comes from or why it exists. It descends upon the land once every year without fail, devouring sunlight, bringing darkness upon humanity, and lasting months. All cringe in horror at the fearsome entity known as . . . the end of daylight savings time.

Original Version

Dear  Evil Editor,

A secretive order of assassins, twelve initiates, eight magical houses, three deadly trials and one quest for revenge that will tear it all down... [If you can add 7 other items to this list, you'll have a song called "The Twelve Days of Darkness." Which is probably a better title for the book.] [I don't think that sentence is needed.]

20-year-old Briar Gem has been hiding among mortals for over a decade since her family was killed, waiting for her chance to get revenge. And so, when the Soul Eaters, the order of assassins that killed them, holds trials for new initiates she decides to enter, [Can anyone "enter"? They must vet the applicants.] [Also, maybe the order of assassins wouldn't have to keep looking for new initiates if they had a less-intimidating moniker. The Republican party was once known as the Soul Eaters, but they had the good sense to change their name (though sadly, not their platform).]with the goal of destroying them from the inside. [No eight-year-old kid would have the patience to wait more than a decade for anything. Plus, the turnover rate in the Soul Eaters would be so high that the ones who killed her family are already dead, in prison, or have gone into witness protection and settled down in the suburbs to raise families of their own.] But before she can get her revenge, she must first survive a deadly series of trials, competing against initiates who will stop at nothing to earn their spot. [Here's a tip for the initiates willing to do anything to become Soul Eaters: If you just want to assassinate people, you don't need to survive deadly trials and join an order of assassins. You just need a sniper rifle. Unless . . . are there perks to joining the Soul Eaters, like health insurance and a 401-K?]

As she struggles to navigate the trials and hide her true identity, [I don't see how hiding her true identity is a struggle. Just don't tell anyone. If they didn't find out when they vetted you, you're probably safe.] [Although, now that I think about it, anyone who applies to be in the Soul Eaters would be wise to use a fake identity. That's probably the first deadly trial. They ask you if you're using a fake name, and if you say no, they kill you because they don't want morons in their order.] Briar meets Wraith, one of the Soul Eaters’ most deadly assassins. [That's three "deadly"s in five sentences. Maybe use a "dangerous" or "lethal" now and then.] When Wraith begins to suspect Briar is hiding something, she must figure out the unexpected connection between them before he uncovers her secret. [That's pretty vague. What is the connection, and how does she even know there's a connection, and how does she know it's important to "figure out" this connection?] Briar’s plans are put to the test when she begins to develop strange new powers [What are her plans and what are her powers?] as mysterious shadow creatures attack the order. Briar and Wraith are forced to work together to unmask the true evil lurking within the Soul Eaters [This deadly assassin wants to help unmask the evil in the Soul Eaters"? Isn't he a major part of the true evil?] before Briar suffers the same fate as her family. 

THE DEVOURING DARK is a dual perspective adult fantasy novel approximately 106,000 words in length. It will appeal to fans of CITY OF DUSK by Tara Sim, as well as NEVERNIGHT by Jay Kristoff.

I have been a book blogger and influencer for the past six years, working with publishers for the promotion of books on many occasions. [Anything you can do to influence people to buy Evil Editor's books would be appreciated.] My content focuses on fantasy novels, which has given me extensive experience with the genre. This would be my first published work.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Notes

As Briar wants to take down the Soul Eaters, why doesn't she just disappear and hope the shadow creatures do the job for her, instead of helping her sworn enemy defeat them? 

Is Wraith one of the Soul Eaters who killed Briar's family? If so, I think in her place I'd kill Wraith and worry about the shadow creatures later. Unless she's a groundhog, shadow creatures are no big threat.

Briar's secret is that she's on a quest to destroy the Soul Eaters from the inside. Briar must "figure out" the connection between herself and Wraith before he uncovers this secret. I don't see how Wraith will be any less pissed at her if she's already figured out the connection when he uncovers her secret than he'll be if she hasn't yet figured it out.

Possible opening paragraph:

20-year-old Briar Gem wants to take down the Soul Eaters, the order of assassins who killed her family a decade ago. Her plan: join their ranks and destroy them from the inside. But first she'll have to deal with Wraith, the deadliest of the Soul Eaters, who suspects Briar is not who she claims to be.

Any specific information you can work in after that will help, even if it means leaving out a few things. Her plan has to be more concrete than finding out an unexpected connection between her and Wraith. For instance if she's about to kill Wraith with her super powers, and he says, "Wait, Briar, I am your father," it's okay to reveal that in the query.