Monday, July 06, 2020

Synopsis 62

DR. SAMANTHA EDWARDS testifies before the Senate Judiciary Committee against BRIAN HOLBROOK, a contestant for justice of the Supreme Court who tried to rape her. [I'd call him a nominee. Contestant makes it sound like a game show. Which it has been recently, but that's an aberration.] She provides statistics about rape, the most under-reported crime, which has nothing to do with sex, only with power. She is shamed, blamed, lied to, gets hate mail and death threats, while the PRESIDENT confirms Holbrook as the new justice. [The president nominates the Justice. He doesn't get to confirm him as well. Except recently, but that's an aberration.] Samantha questions the morality of her testimony, [There's nothing immoral about her testimony unless she was lying.] but decides to continue to empower women to speak out.

The Dean of Nursing at Columbia University foists ANTHONY (TONY) BERELLI upon Samantha as a new student, but he’s really working undercover for the FBI. [I'm thinking the FBI foisted Samantha on Berelli.] The new justice and one other justice are murdered gangland-style and she looks guilty. [Two people are murdered gangland-style, and a doctor at an Ivy League nursing school "looks" guilty? On what evidence?] As does her twin sister, DELLA. [Nothing spices up a murder mystery like twins.] [Are both twins suspects because they look alike or because they both had motive and opportunity and both their prints were on the murder weapon?] Anthony, whose number one rule is never get involved with a suspect, fights his attraction to Samantha while saving her from the bomb clicking under her car. [First rule of successful car bombing: don't use a bomb that makes clicking noises.] When he drives her home, they find her house blown to smithereens and her twin sister wounded in the hospital. [I assume they found the sister a bit later, unless Sam lived right next to the hospital.] Samantha and her dog, Chanel, are forced to go on the lamb [lam] with Anthony, even though Samantha doesn’t trust him. He knows too many spy things. [Like, he knows a car shouldn't sound like a pair of knitting needles.] 

The clock is ticking. [That should sound like a pair of knitting needles.] The president demands the FBI track Samantha as a suspect, and the hospital sends the police after Samantha when Della signs out against medical advice. Tony takes them to a safe house, which turns [out] to be run by the CIA. Della tells Samantha she has information about who killed the justices and that it’s in a safe deposit box in DC. They go to the bank and Samantha is chased by a woman and man, who nearly run them over, but she and Tony escape with Chanel. After reading Della’s note, they send information to the FBI, NASA, and other intelligence agencies that AZIM, an international assassin killed the justices. [NASA immediately swings into action, launching a satellite whose sole purpose is to hover over AZIM.] Samantha, Della, and Tony dye their hair and wear sunglasses so no one recognizes them, but they are followed by a black sedan. The driver [having easily recognized them,] stops them. He turns out to be POTTER, Tony’s handler, who tells him there is a mole in the FBI so he can’t help him anymore and to run. [Attention all agents. We have a mole! Everybody run!] The media claims the bombing of Samantha’s house may have been an act of terrorism. Tony suspects Della may be a spy, [But it could also be Samantha. It's so hard to tell which is which.] while Samantha is falling for Tony.

Already under investigation for several crimes, the president, who is unable to find Samantha or Tony, plants fake news on CROCK TV [The only network that shows nothing but Crocodile Dundee movies, slow cooker recipes, and people playing tennis while wearing Crocs.] that Samantha has accused other men of raping her and she was found to be lying. Then he and two other high officials take off in a private jet. They are reported lost, possibly in the Bermuda Triangle. [I feel like I'm in the Bermuda Triangle.] Samantha asks to be taught more self-defense moves now that they’re in such a dangerous situation and Tony teaches her. Tony and Samantha kiss on the beach, in the moonlight, in Venice, FL and they agree to work with Della and REBECCA (her nurse, who she meets in the Safe House, and turns out to [have a twin who happens to] be a spy for the CIA) to find the president and Azim.


You thought you could beat me into submission with this one, but no, I hung in there. Now I need a good stiff drink. 

Thanks for using the  name Della, which reminded me of Della Street, the brains behind Perry Mason, and my first crush.

It feels like you've tried to list only the crazy stuff that happens in your book, and packing it all into four paragraphs makes the book sound more like a slapstick comedy than a thriller. At least you didn't include any of the scenes where the twins switch places as a joke on their boyfriends. 


Anonymous said...

The synopsis is supposed to list out the entire plot, including the ending, in an interesting way. Ideally it should be like a short story that covers all the major events in the book. Those events need to look connected together--this happens because that happens--not this happens and then that happens and then the other happens. Reading through some of the other synopses on this site and the comments on them might be helpful.

If what you have listed is the end of your story, there is a MAJOR problem. Hint: readers like to see the characters resolve their problems, which I assume is clearing the MC of the double homicide. The synopsis should cover that people died, why the MC's a suspect, and then the events involved in clearing everything up.

Also, this makes the story sound more like romantic suspense/thriller then a thriller/suspense novel with a romantic subplot. Is that what you intend?

St0n3henge said...

It seems like maybe your book needs a bit more work. Suprnme court "contestants" have always been called nominees. Make sure you know how this stuff works before you call your MS finished. "The President nominates someone for a vacancy on the Court and the Senate votes to confirm the nominee, which requires a simple majority." It took me five seconds to find that information.

I'm also not sure why a doctor looks guilty for a gangland-style killing.
And why the second judge?

AS EE pointed out, bombs under cars don't make ticking noises. That would alert somebody to the fact that it's there. Car bombs IRL are almost impossible to detect.
This makes it sound like an FBI agent was assigned to her before two people were murdered. I'm assuming it was done afterward because she is a suspect. Right?

And why NASA? Did they suspect they fled to the moon?