The trees didn’t say a word. They never did. They watched.
Well today, I watched them right back. I stood in the middle of the dog park, staring at the woods in the distance. The sun roasted my shoulders right through my Green Lantern t-shirt, but I didn’t move.
Every day those freaky trees huddled along the back of the dog park like giant green aliens studying me for some crazy experiment. But today, their leaves flickered in the breeze as if a million green fingers were reaching out, begging me to come inside.
What were those trees hiding in there?
Of course Mom’s warning blared in my brain. I mean it, Cody, she’d said a bazillion times. It’s too dangerous. Gangs and drug addicts hang out in those woods. I don’t care what the other boys do. You’re never to go in there. Understand, Cody? Never.
Never? C’mon. Is never supposed to mean not ever for the rest of my life?
Notes
I'm not crazy about the trees as aliens simile. Why would the trees behind the dog park look any more like aliens than the trees he sees hundreds of other places?
Cody is probably smart enough to know that even if "never" doesn't mean for eternity, it also doesn't mean he can go in right now.
You don't lose much of anything if you start:
I stood in the middle of the dog park, staring at the trees in the distance. Mom’s warning blared in my brain: I mean it, Cody. It’s too dangerous. Gangs and drug addicts hang out in those woods. I don’t care what the other boys do. You’re never to go in there. Understand, Cody? Never.
Never? Come on. "Never," I decided, didn't mean never. It's just a word grownups say when they mean "not today."
4 comments:
Thank you so much, EE! I have struggled with this beginning for a while. I look at it then put it up for 6 months. Look again. repeat.
I feel like standing around contemplating breaking rules for the sake of it was something I spent zero time doing as a kid.
If I did break the rules, it was always for a compelling reason I could justify to myself. Usually my older brother talked me into it. He was very persuasive.
First, why does the character want to go into the woods? What is the compelling reason?
And when he or she finally does break the rule, the child should justify it to his or herself as maybe a one-time only thing, or absolutely necessary in this case. That's what kids do. They never intend to break the rules, and they don't stand around thinking "why can't I break the rules for no reason," it just sort of- happens. One day they see something they can't ignore and figure it's just this once, and mom will never know.
Try going back to childhood in your mind. If you don't this is going to be a real chore to write.
I know this isn't particularly helpful, but I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS. I want to read the rest now please.
Thanks so much for all your comments!
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