Synopsis 55

Guess the Plot

Betrayal

1. Immortals can hold a grudge for a very long time. Helen knows this very well as all her previous incarnations were killed by the same immortal guy for some betrayal millennial ago. Can she convince the guy to forgive her before she is killed off too?

2. Queen Adile back-stabs King Thume since she'd been sleeping with Duke Iolae (who's also sleeping with the king), but is in turn betrayed (as is the Duke by one of his other mistresses). It's up to head goon Schultz to stop the kingdom from dissolving.

3. Problem: Lonely, plain Ellen has a crush on super-popular, super hot Martin. But she'll never get him to go to the prom with her, not when there's gorgeous Kelsie to be had. Solution: Have her cute friend Molly ask him to go, then change at the dance! There's just one more problem, though: Kelsie has also asked Molly for the same favor. Will hilarity ensue--or murder?

4. Diamond betrays Kimberly, by starting a relationship with Joaquin. Abraham becomes interested in Piggy, but Piggy likes Javier. I could go on and on. So many women sleeping with their friends' men that you can't keep up with it all, and eventually you don't care anyway. Also, murder, Colombian drug lords, and baseball.

5. Private detective George Furtzman is hired to prove Jane Quaintly is embezzling from Judge Readmann. Jane, formerly Readmann’s trusted secretary, is hired as his household manager upon his retirement. The heirs are certain she is stealing him blind. George pretends to be an antiquarian interested in the Judge’s rare books. Then he falls in love with Jane. Should George betray Jane’s affection, sending her to prison, or the heirs who trust him? 

6. When she finds out her husband and her sister have been sleeping together for the past six years, Marion has some decisions to make, namely which one to murder (or rather which one to murder first), and which country with no extradition treaty with the US to move to before the bodies are found.

7. Comprehensive step-by-step instructions to show how you, too, can become a master in backstabbing, divulging sensitive information about your employer, cheating on your spouse, releasing compromising photos about your bestie to the press and drowning your most loyal pet. A must for all aspiring politicians! 


  
Original Version

Blue Orchids: Betrayal is about 6 wealthy black families. They live in Atlanta, at the fictional Lake Garnett. Blue Orchids: Betrayal is the first installment to an intended series. The color blue is a symbolic representation of the emotional themes explored in this book young. ["This book young"? Possibly you should have read this before submitting it.] Flowers always represent women. Orchids in particular represent luxury as the young women of this book come from wealthy families. [Not clear why you're explaining this symbolism. The synopsis is supposed to summarize the plot, i.e. what happens in your book.]

The families on the surface have built their wealth legitimately. The family matriarch Romanda, is a talk show legend with a media empire. [She's Oprah Winfrey. Got it.] But her brother in law Dante Harris who is a retired two sport athlete who grew his fortune drug smuggling with his adopted brother Prescott Stiller. Prescott is a wealthy, well connected, and a ruthless criminal lawyer. Prescott happens to be best friends with a Colombian official that has connected Dante to the world of international drug trading and his two sons Joaquin and Javier and nephew DeMarco. Prescott and Dante disguises their illegal practices through the Harris Warehouse that wholesales appliances. Between Romanda’s success and Dante’s illegal practices, the family’s wealth has connected them with top businessmen, attorneys, and politicians.

The family’s success [Which family? You said there were six families.] in this book however is highlighted [shown? revealed?] through the extravagant lifestyles of their high school aged daughters. The family matriarch’s niece is the main character, Diamond, she is the antagonist. The first line of conflict in the book is a relationship torn apart by Diamond’s lack of respect for her matriarch aunt’s daughter, Imanni. Imanni is in a relationship with the much older Wesley. Diamond learns that one of her best friend’s [friends] Christina is sleeping with him, and does nothing about it. [Is this matriarch aunt the matriarch of one family or all six families or some other number?]

Diamond and Imanni lead their best friends. Imanni’s best friends are Maciesha and Ambi. Diamond’s best friends are Piggy, Christina, and Chantrelle. Both groups have a mutual friendship with Kimberly. [No one can keep track of this many characters in such a short space. Kimberly has a relationship with Black Colombian Joaquin, who is a Harris Warehouse employee. Diamond betrays Kimberly, by starting a relationship with Joaquin. Because of this relationship Kim loses the affections of her money hungry mother and gets thrown out of the family home, leaving Kim pregnant and homeless. While sleeping in her car she becomes a victim of a brutal rape and drugging, causing her to lose the baby.

One of Imanni’s friends, Maciesha is in love with a stupid criminal named Abraham. Abraham becomes interested in Piggy. But Piggy likes Joaquin’s younger brother Javier. [Is this a gag query?] Piggy and Abraham do not carry on a love affair. But Abraham however shows Piggy his stash of one million dollars, and large amount of cocaine and marijuana. She tells Javier who tells Joaquin. Diamond learns of Joaquin’s plans of robbery, and doesn’t care, only requesting him not to murder her lifelong friend. Maciesha who is almost nine months pregnant is shot in the head. Abraham dies, as well as the baby. Maciesha clings to life. [Everyone dies except the one who was shot in the head?] She awakes with no memory, clearing Joaquin.

Diamond does face some consequence when Imanni learns of Christina and Wesley’s relationship. She brutally beats the two of them, and goes to confront Wesley. [She brutally beats him and then goes to confront him?] He however turns the tables by brutally beating her. Imanni is rescued by Javier. They fall in love, leaving Piggy heart broken, because she has lost her virginity to Javier. Piggy rages war against Imanni, they battle the entire book.

Christina who has now turned against Diamond, but fears of telling her, invites them all to her pro- baseball player brother’s wedding in New Orleans. While the family is away Joaquin, who is feeling guilt and sorrow about all that happened to his former girlfriend Kimberly decides to rekindle his romance with Kim despite still being in a very serious relationship with Diamond. Diamond however finds herself at the wedding in New Orleans in the arms of a mystery man who is much older and married, but equally captivating dancing with me him [her] all night long. They do not exchange names. [This is going on too long. You've had sex, drugs, crime, murder, and Oprah, but it's not grabbing us because it's presented as a list of characters and events with no focus and very little elaboration.]

Diamond returns home and finds things to be odd in her relationship. Joaquin is moody, distant, and disappears frequently. They do their best to rekindle but end up breaking up after a concert. Joaquin runs to Kim, they make love. Diamond’s mother accidently re-introduces the mystery man, from the wedding back into Diamond’s life. His name is Victor Monroe. They begin a friendship that has a much deeper and honest connection than Diamond has ever experienced. But Diamond knows their love is forbidden, so she lies about her age. The family also hates Victor Monroe. Victor once worked for Prescott Stiller’s law firm. Victor stole his best attorneys and four of his largest corporations to start his new and highly successful law practice.

Unannounced to Diamond the readers and Diamond’s family learn that Kim is pregnant. While Diamond desperately clings to the hope of having another shot at love with Joaquin. Kim’s pregnancy is revealed to Diamond at Diamond’s 17th birthday party. Diamond also finds out her family, minus her mother and best friend Piggy knew that Kim was pregnant by Joaquin her entire pregnancy.

Kim attempts to apologize to Diamond at a local restaurant. Here Kim observes Victor Monroe in the lobby of the restaurant. She does not know who he is and he does not know her. She observes his wedding band, hears him lying to his wife on the phone, and smells his cologne. The same cologne she smells at the table where Diamond is sitting. Kim does apologize, they have a heated argument, where Kim reveals that she knows that Diamond is there with a married man. Kim leaves and tells Diamond’s aunt Romanda. Romanda reveals that Victor Monroe is married to her best friend Pamela Monroe.

The Harris Warehouse begins to fall apart. Shane, Diamond’s mother hires Victor Monroe and his firm to defend Dante, Joaquin and his brothers. Dante, Joaquin and his brothers are all indicted on a federal level. After the arrests Diamond decides to stay with Joaquin. Joaquin falls for Kim more and more as he anticipates the arrival of his baby girl. He continues to cancel dates and neglect Diamond. But Diamond stays busy with her friend Victor. Falling for him despite all the reasons not too. [to] The night Joaquin and Kim’s daughter, Justice Micaela is born, Diamond decides to make love to Victor. Diamond finds out making love to a man 18 years older can be addictive. They decide to take their friendship to the next level. While the family minus Shane and Piggy are in love with Kim and Joaquin’s baby girl. The family also learns that Victor has negotiated a plea deal that sends Dante to prison for 10 years and advises Joaquin and his brother to return to Colombia.


Notes

This is why I request that synopses be no longer than 400 words. If someone shows interest in your book and requests a longer synopsis, fine, but they will learn to be careful what they wish for. 

Start over. Diamond is your main character, so get to her in paragraph 1, not paragraph 3. Tell us her story. What does she want, what's keeping her from getting it, what's her plan, what goes wrong, what does she do about it? Make us care about her. Don't just list things that happen.  

Unfortunately, a more concise synopsis won't help if there are lots of errors--missing commas and hyphens, run-on sentences, etc.--because we will assume the book has the same problems. I'm pretty sure the book does have the same problems.