Guess the Plot
1. Danny and Cassidy meet as teens and fall in love. Follow their journey as they do pretty much nothing, knowing their love is either destined to endure or destined to end.
2. Destiny and Precious live in an abandoned house near the strip mall. Follow their journey as they change and grow while foraging in the dumpsters.
3. Terry and Sarah lose their parents when they're twelve years old. Follow their journey as they brave the wilderness of eighteenth-century Colorado to avoid being taken in by their abusive Aunt Sophie.
4. In an effort to dam the flood of doorstopper fantasy novels featuring prophecies and chosen ones, a literary agent valiantly takes on the mantle of Fate's Guardian, forbidding the use of destiny-based plot devices.
5. As the Destiny Star approaches, assuring complete annihilation of life on Earth within 100 years, one scientist figures out how to use micro-black holes to tunnel out of the Milky Way to a planet that can sustain life.
6. The Johnsons wanted one thing for their daughter: to be the best stripper at the Dallas airport. Now all grown up, Destiny is about to embark on the job interview of a lifetime.
7. "You may be a winner!" screams the envelope. So 89-year-old Marge Doherty decides to try and win. Trouble is, there are so many confusing rules and codes and fees, she has no chance. Heartbroken, penniless, she dies alone. And somewhere in a building in New York, another demon gets its horns for tricking someone out of money and time.
Dear Evil Editor:
Based on a true story…A heartfelt account of a lifelong love. [Get rid of this. It doesn't tell us anything you don't say later on.]
Danny and Cassidy meet as teens and fall in love. Their tumultuous relationship brings misery and happiness to Cassidy. The story is told from her perspective and brings the reader into her emotions and trials. Determined and loyal, the once shy girl fights for a love that she cannot let go of. Her belief that Danny is her destiny perpetuates her longtime fight to bring them together. [This is all vague. In what way is their relationship tumultuous? What happens that brings misery and happiness to Cassidy? What emotions and trials is the reader brought into? Why does she have to fight for her love, when Danny is in love with her?]
Tragedy befalls her in her twenties [What tragedy?] and she has to face the fact that she has lost Danny. [Did he move away? Marry someone else? Die?] Still, their love seems to live on[You just said she had to face the fact that she had lost him. One sentence ago.] and she meets the obstacles head on. [What obstacles?] The story walks the reader through her difficult life. At times, you may want to scream at her….to just give up. [I do want to scream or just give up. You got that part right.] Her journey will pull at you [It will pull at me? What does that mean?] and make you feel many emotions: love, betrayal, rage and a desperate heartbreak. [The query alone is making me feel at least one of those.]
Can they learn to let go of a love that always seemed to prevail, [Why should they learn to let go of it?] or has destiny set a path for them that’s beyond their control?
A unique raw love story [Don't claim it's unique; tell us what's unique about it.] based on true events [What true events?] that will take you back to your own teen years, [I don't want to be taken back to my teen years.] DESTINY is a 58,000 word Chick-Lit, which will have you reliving all those [humiliating, misery-inducing] first love experiences. [I think of Chick Lit as predominately lighthearted. The Devil Wears Prada. Shopaholic. Bridget Jones Returns Yet Again. This book sounds like Literary Fiction. Tragedy, misery, heartbreak. If it's not a downer, show us the funny side.]
In the interest of full disclosure, this book was briefly published by an indie publisher Linkville Press, but due to the publisher violating their contract, they have returned the full rights back to me. [If your cover was as unappealing as the other ones on their site, they did you a favor.] The book has since been completely revised with the assistance of a professional editor. [Is that how the publisher violated the contract . . . . by not completely revising the book?]
You don't tell us anything that happens in your book. I'm not sure anything does happen. Millions of people fall in love as teens and move on (or don't) in their twenties. What makes this story different from all the others? Start over and provide some of the specific events that drive the plot toward its remarkable conclusion.
Not that it should be in the query, but what was it your publisher did to violate your contract?