Guess the Plot
1. When a black kitten offers her freedom, a slave jumps at the offer. But she soon discovers that freedom means turning into a panther when the moon wanes. Her secret crush, the prince, could never love a werepanther . . . or could he?
2. Ravyn Wyrmtail is her real name, not silly 14-year-old Paisley Blake. At night she morphs into her true self, a fiery green dragon with golden eyes. Well, that's what she thinks--but the trolls who live in the garage know what really goes on.
3. Werewolves unite from all over the world to join in the DarkMoon Project. Good thing there are millions of them because it's going to take a lot of hands to sew a black pillowcase big enough to stuff the moon into.
4. Vampires hijack a space shuttle and fly it to the dark side of the moon where they won't have to spend sixteen hours a day in their coffins. But it turns out the dark side isn't always dark when you're on it, and there's no one there whose blood they can drink. Also, there's no air to breathe.
5. Luzi DarkMoon left the reservation, went to law school, and joined the FBI. When her brother is murdered, she returns to the Tohono O’Odham Nation to find the killers. She joins an international drug smuggling cartel, ever mindful that discovery means torture and death. She’ll capture and convict them or die trying.
6. Violet's musical career runs into a wall when she is caught plagiarizing the songs of a popular British rock and roll band. Her thought processes obscured by cloudy thinking, she has a momentary lapse of reason and builds an atomic bomb deep in the heart of her mothers secret saucer cabinet. She will show those animals, and make them wish they had never learned to hear.
Sometimes, freedom is but another shackle.
More afraid of death than legend, Shadas accepts the black kitten’s offer. Bond with me, NightShade promises the slavegirl, and I will set you free… But when her blood answers the lure of the waning moon, Shadas finds that ivory claws and slit pupils are only the beginning. [I certainly hope so. Promising someone freedom but delivering slit pupils and claws is like a genie offering to grant you one wish and you wish for a mansion and he says, "Your wish is my command," and suddenly you're a toad, and you're thinking, WTF?]
Rage strains the barrier between beast and human as Shadas’ new instincts struggle to break free. Shadas reveals her dangerous secret on the night of the Dark Moon, when her full transformation to a panther is finally possible. She rescues the exiled Prince of Tellura [From what? Was he a captive of his enemies? Cornered by an ogre?] —and that’s when it all goes wrong.
Though this power protects her, Shadas wants to be human again. She knows Prince Velphas could never love her as she is. [Whereas she had a shot when she was a slave?] Velphas treats her kindly, but his determination to save Tellura from tyranny and civil war comes before anything else. Torn between desire for Velphas’ love and despair that she’s unworthy of it, Shadas remains with the prince as the panther in her grows more fierce.
Now Shadas fears a moment of fatal weakness, terrified of finding herself at Velphas’ throat. Shamed by her bloodlust and driven by unrequited love, Shadas walks a path as narrow as the edge of her blade. Unless she can resist the call of darkness, Shadas will destroy her love, doom Tellura, and lose the last of her humanity.
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DARKMOON is my second epic fantasy novel, [Don't say this unless you're going to tell us the first was published.] complete at 96,000 words. It is the first book of the NightPanther Chronicles, set in the medieval-like countries of Tellura and Atarne. Book two, DarkSlayer, is already underway, and book three will be called DarkBane. [The books that follow will be called DarkCrystal, DarkFire, DarkShadow, DarkGate, DarkNight, DarkMage, DarkThrone, DarkQuest, DarkSong, DarkSpell, and DarkTower. I have no idea what happens in these books, but combining "Dark" with another cliche fantasy word is my trademark title strategy.]
I’ve been writing fiction for 6 years, and I’m an active member of the Figment online community. I live in Ohio with my cat, who I often imagine is actually a NightPanther. I found you ------- (ya-da ya-da) [This paragraph isn't needed.]
Thank you for your time and consideration.
The plot summary is all setup. It's well-written, so perhaps if you attach a synopsis you can get away with this, but some would prefer that you condense Shadas's situation (your first three plot paragraphs) into one paragraph, then tell us what happens (Do they form an army or a commando unit? Is Shadas the only character with a special power?), then close with your last plot paragraph.
Not clear what you mean by "it all goes wrong" when she rescues the prince. How would it have gone if she hadn't rescued him? Better?
Change Shadas to Shada. It eliminates the problem of whether to make the possessive Shadas' or Shadas's. It also sounds more feminine. Shadas sounds like a villain. Velphas has the same "s" problem, but that name should be changed entirely, as no king would name his son Velphas. It sounds like a Pakistani chemical company.