Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Guess the Plot
Throne of Chaos
1. Flushing a cherry bomb down the toilet is always good for laughs, but at Fermilab, things can quickly get out of hand. Now Dr. Wiesacre has to rebalance space-time before HE gets canned.
2. The six wives were bad enough, but when Henry VIII's mistresses threaten a class action for child support unless he places one of their children on the throne, chaos ensues. For a guy batting way below average, he's produced a helluva lot of bastards.
3. Luna discovers on her 17th birthday that she is heir to the faerie throne, despite being half werewolf. As she struggles to master magic based on Euclidean geometry, and her vampire boyfriend broods furiously, she is romanced by a handsome centaur prince and the goblin king. All of a sudden the Seelie court comes under attack by a horde of zombies in zambonis. Only Luna's guardian angel can sort out this mess - if only he wasn't desperately in love with the reincarnation of his Babylonian lover, who just happens to be... the centaur! Ha! You thought it was going to be Luna, didn't you?
4. Malakai is considered a disgrace to the royal bloodline, so when war breaks out with a neighboring land, he signs up to lead the first attack. But when his attack ends not only in defeat, but also in the assassination of his father the king, followed by his best friend recruiting him to kill his own brother, Malakai realizes he may soon be all that's left of the royal bloodline.
5. While visiting family in old Philadelphia, history student Jessy Kashkin finds a hidden door in her grandmother's basement. Wow, is it tough to open! But she persists with help from a hunky neighbor and a psychic. Opened, the forgotten closet contains an iron chair covered with gilt symbols of a mysterious and sinister nature. They haul it upstairs to examine. When Jessy sits on the chair, well, let's just say this is where the term "chaos theory" comes from.
6. While searching the forests of Tennessee for a place to live like Thoreau, Lewis Fletcher discovers a crashed plane containing the skeletons of Nazi pilots and a cargo of ancient artifacts. He furnishes a nearby cave with plane debris and Egyptian relics and settles in for a profound experience, unaware his new chair is actually the very one that drove Hitler mad.
7. Ted Jackson's international adventure turns out to be a date with cholera. He records his thoughts on Nancy's voicemail as his whole life is reduced to sitting on a messy toilet in a hostel full of crazy characters. Half these people are plotting to take over South Asia. The other half are Ted's comrades in misery. If he survives he's never leaving Milwaukee again.
I was hoping you would consider representing my 100,000-word fantasy novel, Throne of Chaos [but now I'm just hoping for a rejection slip that isn't abusive].
Malakai, the second of the King’s two sons, is considered a disgrace to the royal bloodline, and constantly finds himself overshadowed by his perfect, pride-of-the-kingdom brother. When war breaks out with a neighboring land, Malakai sees it as a chance to prove himself, and signs up to lead the first attack. [Is that how it's decided who leads the attacks? They send around a sign-up sheet?] But when his attack ends not only in defeat, but also in a Noble being assassinated by one of his own allies, the desired result is far from obtained. [Considered an even bigger disgrace in his now-decimated kingdom, Malakai moves to the neighboring land where he is hailed as a hero and put on the throne. For that is how things work in the land called Chaos.] [If you delete "when" you can also delete that wordy, vague last phrase.]
The in-house assassination points to a conspiracy to overtake [usurp] the throne, and when the King winds up murdered it solidifies the assumption.
[-Recent events lead me to assume the king is in danger.
-Haven't you heard? The king's been murdered!
-Hmm. That would seem to solidify my assumption.]
The only lead points to Malakai’s best friend, Nihilez, and though there is no evidence to prove it, Malakai finds out of [Discovers? Realizes?] his guilt when Nihilez solicits him to join the conspiracy.
Malakai finds himself sympathizing more with the usurpers, but when he finds out their next target is his own brother, he must choose where his loyalty most lies. [Let's see, I can be loyal to my family, in which case Mr. Perfect becomes king and I remain a disgraced laughingstock, or I can be loyal to my best friend, in which case I become king and have everyone who ever uttered a bad word about me put to death. Tough one.]
Thanks you for your time and consideration.
[Author's note: This is a revision to Face-Lift 541, but seeing as how it has been so long since that one (2008), and I changed most of the book, and the query, and the title...]
Here are some things you might want to squeeze into the query:
Why is Malakai considered a disgrace?
Why does the war break out?
Why are the conspirators conspiring?
As it is now, all we have is this: two brothers, who will be played in the movie by George Clooney and George Costanza, are sons of the king. No one likes Costanza, he's a failure, and he's thinking of helping to murder Clooney. Are we supposed to get behind this guy?
If so, we need to know what was so bad about life under the king and why life under Clooney will be no better. For all we know, the king and Clooney are benevolent rulers and the usurpers are power-mad villains.
If this is the same book as Face-Lift 541, I'm surprised to find no mention of the fact these characters are all lizards.