Tuesday, July 06, 2010
Guess the Plot
1. The art of war is a matter of life and death, a road either to safety or to ruin...in bed.
2. Trying to free yourself from sex addiction by talking to stripper is like trying to lose weight by taking job at Dunkin Donuts.
3. Working at fortune cookie factory will lead to enlightenment--and the girl of your dreams.
4. You will be a best selling author, the fortune said. Ten years and 8,455 rejections later, Shiela Karski snaps and goes on an arson spree, targeting fortune cookie warehouses all over North America.
5. Korean-American fifth grader Grace Yi is tired of classmates and even teachers who lump all Asian ethnicities together. So when she's assigned to make the school's Chinese New Year Festival "authentic," she decides to make a few small changes. Hilarity ensues.
6. When champion Poodle "Fortune Cookie" disappears from her crate at the Long Beach dog show, detective Zack Martinez knows two things: the teamsters didn't steal her, and he'd better bring home some Beggin Strips for his wife's chihuahua.
Ethan Cortier can’t get out of bed, he can’t function, and he can’t enjoy the things he used to love. The only pastime that barely interests him now is a secret sex addiction that makes him hate himself the next day. [If you can't get out of bed, sex is the perfect addiction to have.] [On the other hand, if you can't function, it's the worst.] When he meets Bianca, an aspiring pianist working as a stripper in a shady club with a shady boss, he discovers that it is easier to confess his vice to a complete stranger than a loved one. [Confessing to a woman you just met that you have a sex addiction. I may have to give that a try.] After all, there is nothing for him to lose after she’s gone.
Bianca is facing eviction and unemployment. [Apparently she's as bad at stripping as she is on the piano.] On the night they meet, they speak openly and honestly about the secrets and problems they have kept from their friends and family. [He admits he has a sex addiction and she admits she has pianist envy.] In the short time they share, they connect, listen and offer nonjudgmental advice. Though they never expect to see each other again, they do, and over the next few months, they each find themselves falling in love with the stranger who knows their worst secrets. [Eventually, the sex addict can't keep his hands off his pianist.]
I am prepared to send Fortune Cookie, my 70,000 word literary fiction upon your request. This is a multiple submission. Thank you for your time.
[(Not part of query): The title, Fortune Cookie, refers to the main characters picking up Chinese food one night. They miss out on the fortune cookies since the restaurant just ran out. The waiter tells the male character "You don't need dessert, she's sweet enough for you!" pointing to the female character. The bad joke indicates that the female character will bring some happiness into the male character's life.]
Better title: The Sex Addict's Pianist. Hey, if you didn't want a bunch of pianist jokes, you should have made her an organ player.
We know a few things about each of your characters, but all we know about the plot is that the characters meet, give each other advice, and fall in love. I know it's literary fiction, but doesn't anything interesting happen? Is there a villain? Does Ethan meet Tiger Woods in rehab? Does Bianca's shady boss threaten her? Does she play Carnegie Hall? Give us something.