Face-Lift 231

Guess the Plot

Painted Wings

1. Tired of clipping the wings of the Tower of London's ravens, gamekeeper Nigel St. John decides to try weighing the birds down with layers and layers of oil-based lacquer.

2. Icarus discovers that it wasn't such a great idea after all, to go with the less expensive--but highly flammable--paint.

3. In this latest book in the series, plucky spinster Amelia Pettipants leaves her charming village, Boring-on-End, and travels to Paris on the Dan Brown ABC Art Tour. But a devil with spray paint has been at work, vandalizing the Winged Victory of Samothrace. Can Amelia find the culprit before the albino dwarf tour guide herds them to the next desecration?

4. "Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys," as the song goes. So Sarah leaves home for a better life in New York. Better, that is, until her mother shows up and starts whining about losing out on her dream of becoming an actress.

5. Trevor Mann wants to create a tourist-attracting mural on the tallest building in Rosston. Unfortunately, that building belongs to Delilah Hobsworth, who was abandoned at the altar by a roguish painter, and has refused to allow art anywhere near her since. Can Trevor soften her papier-mache heart, or will Delilah pour latex all over Trevor's dreams?

6. Batman gets lonesome and decides to start dating. But how can he and Miss Ginger focus on getting to know each other when people recognize him everywhere he goes? There's only one way -- a disguise: Pink Painted Wings.


Original Version

Dear Evil Editor:

I have written a women’s fiction novel that I hope you will be interested in representing.

Painted Wings explores the relationship between Sarah Richards and her mother Margaret who have communicated mostly long-distance for years, but spend a week together following the birth of Sarah’s first child. Told through the alternating viewpoints of the women, the novel presents the mother-child bond from both perspectives in addition to telling the individual stories of the women: what they had hoped for in life versus what they got.

Sarah has always felt successful for having escaped the stifling confines of blue-collar Munston, Massachusetts for a better life in sophisticated New York with her husband Jack. [They live in New York and Massachusetts, and never see each other? You can walk that far. Assuming we're talking Hudson to Pittsboro; Buffalo to Boston, you'd better book a flight.] But, in the jarring transition from “me” to “mommy”, and stripped of the familiar routines of the job she reluctantly abandoned, Sarah struggles to relate to her husband and redefine herself.

Watching her daughter become a mother stirs memories for Margaret of her own days with newborn Sarah and the many years since that have somehow passed like pages of a magazine - carelessly leafed through and discarded. [Leafed through and discarded isn't that bad, compared to the condition of my Penthouse when I'm done with it.] Nearing retirement age, she continues to work her assembly-line job with no end in sight, having become neither the full-time mother she’d expected to be, nor the actress she’d secretly dreamed of becoming.

When Margaret comes for a week-long visit to help with the baby, the women find themselves re-evaluating the choices they’ve made in life. Through memories and increasingly as the week progresses, in conversation with each other, Margaret and Sarah face the emotional gulf that has grown between them ultimately recognizing the parallels in their lives, beginning a new stage in their relationship and finding their own paths to fulfillment. [That sentence is the worst offender, but many sentences here are too long and unwieldy. Shortening a few, or adding a couple short ones would provide variety.] [In math, parallel lines have no point in common. Yet here, "parallels" means things in common. Go figure.]

Painted Wings - one of the childhood treasures left behind in a song Sarah’s long-absent father used to sing her before bed ["Puff, the Magic Dragon", presumably.] -- is more than a “mommy lit” book about finding happiness in changing diapers. [No need to explain that it's not about finding happiness changing diapers when you've given no indication that it's about that.] The novel will resonate with those who have faced the challenges of managing an infant, raising a child, and finally, letting go. However, the focus on Sarah’s adult relationship with her parent and theme of pursuing a dream before it’s too late should allow the story to reach a broader reader base. [So, the truth comes out. You're Sarah, and you're pursuing your dream of being a writer before it's too late.]

This 87,300 word novel draws on my own experiences as a mother, wife and daughter. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,


Revised Version

Dear Evil Editor:

I have written a women’s fiction novel that I hope you will be interested in representing.

Sarah Richards has escaped the stifling confines of blue-collar Munston, Massachusetts, for a better life in sophisticated New York City with her husband Jack. But when her first child is born, the jarring transition from “me” to “mommy" leaves her struggling to relate to her husband and to redefine herself.

Watching her daughter Sarah become a mother, Margaret recalls her own days with newborn Sarah and the years that have passed her by, like pages of a magazine carelessly leafed through and discarded. Nearing retirement age, she continues to work her assembly-line job, having become neither the full-time mother she’d expected to be, nor the actress she’d secretly dreamed of being.

When Margaret comes for a week-long visit to help with the baby, the women find themselves re-evaluating the choices they’ve made in life. Through memories and conversation, Margaret and Sarah face the emotional gulf that has grown between them, ultimately recognizing the parallels in their lives. They begin a new stage in their relationship and find new paths to fulfillment.

Painted Wings presents the mother-child bond from both sides, while also telling the individual stories of the women: what they hoped for in life versus what they got. This 87,300 word novel draws on my own experiences as a mother, wife and daughter, and should resonate with anyone who has faced the challenges of raising a child.

Thank you for your time and consideration.


Notes

The introductory paragraph was okay; I removed it because the information was available later on, and the query was a bit long.

I assumed NYC because I couldn't picture Sarah being thrilled to escape blue-collar Munston for the sophistication of Rochester.

Everyone has a "What might have been" story. If there's something that makes this one special, tell us. Surely it's more than Sarah has a baby, her mother visits, and they have a 75,000-word conversation. Tell us something that happens.